Reviews for The Freshmen |
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![]() ![]() ![]() This is nicely written; I like the mystery - how we never quite know what the characters look like - because it draws more on the emotion. Perfect one-shot. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I felt the ups and downs of this. I was sad at the funeral even though I have no connection at all to the people. The whole thing is bittersweet and tragic. "language fowl" should be foul unless you mean bird language. "silent plead" should be "silent plea." Plead is the past-tense form, plea is the noun. "and yu kissed me again" The style works well with the content. Anyone who would complain about the grammar doesn't get it. All in all, a nice piece of fiction that works on its own or could be expanded, if you want. You could undoubtedly turn it into one of those young adult novels people go so crazy for. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I really liked it. It felt like a song to me and I was kind of singing along. :) It's sad and sweet and it just clicks together. When I opened this story, I was expecting the beginning if a book but it told me a life(: haha this story's turned me poetic jk |
![]() ![]() ![]() So, I'm going to start with one nitpick: [You told me you didn't think you were meant to be human.] I really think you should've expanded on that line. It seemed out of place with the rest of the story, but I feel like if you had continued it could've added a bit of characterization to the 'you'. Generally, I loved this. The second-person was really well executed, and you had some really nice images throughout. My only problem with how this was written was the lyrics. They're nice lyrics and I love the song, don't get me wrong, but I just feel like this would have stood well enough by itself without the lyrics, or maybe you could've included the lyrics at the beginning? I do love the first part of this. The happy part. I thought you conveyed a nice, summer-y, childhood kind of feeling really quickly, and it was nice, especially when compared to the rest of the story. This is really my kind of story, and I'm in love with it. Awesome job. |
![]() ![]() ![]() That was intense. Like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet. I feel like there's novels worth of stories here - which is really awesome from one song. It means a lot to me too; it's like, we're all freshmen in love, right? Even now I wonder what could have been different. With them and everybody, I guess. Also great how you used the lyrics. Have you ever heard Jay Brannan's version of this song? It's much gentler - in a heartwrenching sort of way. It's the version I always have in mind, for some reason. |