|Reviews for NETWORK|
| TheEllieMonster chapter 26 . 8/28/2013
omg Vance u lil shit stop that
| CheeseloverTwentyFive chapter 2 . 8/23/2013
This is freaking incredible! Amazing!
The plot seems exceptionally fascinating so far, and the idea of this is really imaginative!
The idea is original. And it is really captivating and I really want to see how this goes. This is one great story!
| TheEllieMonster chapter 25 . 8/22/2013
Omg Vance I need this next chapter now. With more fun facts because I like them U:
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 24 . 8/4/2013
Aww man, I didn't think Rev was going to be dead for real. ;-; I can't believe the others didn't take his body with them. Don't they want to bury him or something? D: Ugh, I hate to think of what Dr. Stroge is going to do.
I liked the scene where Dr. Stroge is talking to the injured Scanner and she's telling him how confused she was without the NETWORK giving her orders. I thought it was an awesome way of slipping in how technology can be a tool, or a crutch. And in this case, it worked against the system. This could be an important aspect I think in later developments. You could explore whether other NETWORKs decide to ignore the problem thus making it easier for the freedom fighters to defeat them, or if they find some way to remedy the defect.
Lee sure didn't have a lot of time to learn, but I think he'll get used to the leadership position. Haha, I certainly felt for him after his speech. xD Public speaking is terrible. x.x
Sounds like he and this Morgan character are about to meet up very soon, though. I hope she's off the same mind as the Revolution. She sure sounds interesting, anyway. I'm excited to see what she brings to the table! :D
[She stretched her arms in the and] Missing "air"
[when she saw it going to happen in an hour.] Missing "was"
[Live I have with everything else] *Like
Whenever you get your computer up and running again, I think it would be a good idea to look over the paragraph spacing in this chapter. There were a few instances where paragraphs ended up squished together.
[I can see that you're all very frightened. Especially that man in the suit holding the chair. Please put the chair down, sir. I can see you holding it. There's no need to smash things with chairs." The man who Lee was referring to looked around, then slowly put the chair down, looking slightly sheepish. "Good. Thank you.]
Where the above was located, the amount of text is a little too much for one paragraph. I think you could break the paragraph into three, separating "The man who..." from the dialogue before it and then starting the third paragraph with the rest of the dialogue. :) In any case, it would make it less likely for someone to skim because they're intimidated by a big block of text.
All in all, I'm so glad I got to read and review this story! :D It was an amazing experience, and I'm so glad you finished Part 1. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. ;) Good luck with all your writing!
| JaredMartin chapter 24 . 8/4/2013
Awesome. I'm reeling with Rev's death as everyone else. We waited so long for his brief and brutal appearance. I'm very interested to see what Dr. Stroge is going to do with his brain. Perhaps Rev isn't completely gone. Although Stroge is going to use his mind for nefarious purposes, maybe Rev will manifest himself into the void or something. I'm also interested to see how Lee will deal with whatever Stroge is doing while executing the next attack.
Anyway, excellent work. This is my first favorited story and I eagerly await your next work if it be a continuation of this story or not.
| cyanb6 chapter 24 . 7/21/2013
Nice way ending this "first part."
Although the ending was well crafted overall, I can easily say that nothing hit me as hard as the part when you mentioned Rev's brain was going to be reused...
Aw, that's just such a plot twister.
Anyways, I really enjoyed this part one and look forward to your future works.
| ZenaraTheDragon chapter 24 . 7/21/2013
Yikes. The next NETWORK...
Poor Rev! Being killed and then used for some nefarious purpose... :( No wonder he infected your computer.
| Dragones chapter 24 . 7/21/2013
I can't believe what you did to Rev. Will he be making a comeback with the brain thing? Nah, I don't expect you to tell me! (...Unfortunately)
Can't wait for more, and I have to say, I honestly expected Rev to be a girl, but I guess its too obvious! And if this brilliance is letter vomit, I can't imagine how amazing you're definition of 'good' writing is!
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 23 . 7/10/2013
Noooooo! What have you done? D: Do you see my heart? Do you see the knife you just stabbed into it?! Dx How do I deal with this right now. I don't. I can't. ._.
I mean, overall, great chapter. I totally wasn't expecting that. Rev - or I guess I should call him Revlin now, which, by the way, really cool name - had such plans. I didn't even think something like this would happen.
I rather like the idea of there being more than one NETWORK and all the NETWORKs being connected. That's a good idea, and it also sort of sets a premise for whatever you might have planned later. The imagery of the hurt and pain inside of Lee cracking him in half was awesome and I enjoyed the way it was utilized.
I feel so bad for him. :[ Ugh. This is just. What is going on right now, my entire being is crushed. Why Revlin, why. Hahah, for a second when the NETWORK was talking to Lee about "we" and stuff I was like, was Rev evil the whole time? Is this the ultimate betrayal? xD Man. And they were having such a bromance moment for a second there, staring deep into each others' eyes, lol.
Lee better do some serious avenging. Great updates, glad I finally got the chance to read them. :D
| VelvetyCheerio chapter 22 . 7/10/2013
[with the hard, tile flooring much sooner] Omit comma
[A shock of pain traveled up shins] *his shins
[I'm holding my pretty well since he already] Not sure what you meant to say here.
Lesa really came out of her shell in this chapter, haha. She even went to bossing Rev around. It's cool how she's very down to business, but I'm surprised she doesn't trust Symon that much. He's pretty much in mind with her.
[Lee felt Rev's hand curl around his own, making him aware of the cold sweat covering his own skin.] Aww derp, Rev is holding Lee's hand. Clammy hands. xD
Phew, what a shoot-out. I don't think taking down the NETWORK is going to be that easy, though. ;D
| Dragones chapter 23 . 7/9/2013
B-b-b-b-b-but but but but... Rev! Noooooooo. Female network, cool, but, REV! Trying to cheer myself up with the knowledge that this will continue. But, REV!
| cyanb6 chapter 23 . 7/8/2013
Well, I see that we lost Rev. And you say that you're going to write a sequel? You better write one. Don't leave your readers hanging! This story ended a little abruptly, but I felt that it was still a good way to end (or mostly end?) Anyways, I await your next update.
| Dragones chapter 22 . 7/7/2013
Prom was alright, but why would I bother with that when I had access to this? Oooohh! I want to know Rev's name! I do! I do! And poor Symon, and Lesa on her own!
| Dragones chapter 21 . 7/5/2013
This is epic and I can't wait for more. Just spent my year 11 prom reading this!
| ZenaraTheDragon chapter 21 . 6/28/2013
Wow... Yeah, I like Rev. The chapter with his description and Random Fun Fact 2 make me wish he was a real person... :D
And now you are ON VACATION! Oh well, enjoy Canada! :)