Reviews for Painfully Awkward
Giancarlo Gonzalez chapter 1 . 3/21/2013
Yeah its kinda angsty, but I find it more contemplative and thoughtful more than anything. I like the rhyme scheme a lot; it draws attention to the thought flow of the work. Thanks for being so open and honest about something I know to be a more personal matter; a lot of my stuff these days looks a lot like this.
ThinkPi chapter 1 . 3/21/2013
I feel the forced rhyme scheme actually took away from the meaning of this poem. I vouch for fixed rhyme schemes often but sometimes forcing predictable rhythms to the point one could guess the next word diminishes the quality of the poem. Issues that sort of tripped me up as I read this poem include the grammatical hiccups at lines 5 and 11. Lines 7-9 feel really forced as well, and the word "dealings" doesn't fit the context in my opinion. This gives me the impression of you fishing for a word that rhymed and somewhat sounded like it fit. You can usually solve this by trying a different approach in describing the emotion being evoked. Overall I would have been ok with a freeverse approach to this poem, or a looser rhyme scheme, and I think the poem would be more powerful if you focused on the intensity of awkwardness and less on finding rhyming words.