|Reviews for Dangerous Angel|
| Tobi-sama chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
It's nice... I want to see where it goes.
| Sahara5 chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
This story was well written and I enjoyed it. For a short scene, you managed to cram a lot of detail in without overpowering the narrative. My one critique is that I don't understand where you got the title from. I know in one line of the story you described her as a dangerous angel, but it didn't make sense to me. How she was like a dangerous angel was never clear to me. It's a minor critique, but I thought I'd put it out there. This would have made a great first chapter to a supernatural mystery. I do love a good mystery. Great job!
| AmberTimber chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
Danielle's one kick ass babe! I like how you set up the parody. Mixing stereotypical set ups (It was a damp and misty night) to Fernindad asking her if all female Vampire Hunters shop at the same store. It was entertaining all the way around.
| ShiftyObserver chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
Okay, we don't care what your characters are wearing, first of all. The opening with fog and darkness is a bit overused, too. I know you can do better.
"They continued up the street, arm in arm, while the woman yelled drunken greetings at any cab that happened to crawl by in the dense mist. As she kept stumbling along, the man gently guided her across the street to a darkened side alley. He stopped and turned her gently around to face him. She quizzically looked up.
'Why are we stopping here?' she slurred, 'my flat's just a couple more blocks away.'"
Don't use adverbs unless they are of utmost importance. "Gently" is necessary. "Quizzically" is not. Next, just a minor grammatical error: You used a question mark, so there's a complete line of dialogue. There needs to be a period after "slurred" as a result, and the "m" in "my" should be capitalized. You use "suddenly" and "immediately." Please don't. Show it in the way that they move—he whirled around, he jerked his head to face her, etc.
"'Then lets get it on, Slut!' he screamed, banshee-like as he rushed her, fully fanged." Lowercase "slut." Does he have a reason to call her this? If not, then I'd use a different word. Is he rushing toward her like a banshee would, or is he screaming like a banshee?
You need some work on grammar, but I will say this: The rapport that you established between the stereotypically beautiful vampire huntress and the vampire was funny, and it made fun of itself. If you'd continued in such a fashion, I'm sure you could've had quite the interesting premises for a story of several chapters. Another thing: Don't give Danielle a last name like "Darken." Make her sound normal, because she was normal before she was turned. Remember: STOP USING ADVERBS. Good luck and good writing!
| echoofemptiness chapter 1 . 3/22/2013
I normally hate vampire stories, they've been done to death (if you excuse the expression) But I found this one well written and interesting. Katanas are always cool.
Will keep an eye out for more of your work.
| BelaLorelei chapter 1 . 3/22/2013
I quite like the strange atmosphere and weird take on the traditional Vampire Slayer. Your descriptions are really nice, and though there are some grammatical errors, the story was easy to read. I like the blunt attitude of Danielle, and I would like to read more of her adventures. Excellent work!
| burlap chapter 1 . 3/22/2013
This piece is very well written and very interesting; I liked it a lot, whether it be because of the banter between your characters of the setting I'm not sure. It was, however, fast paced and confusing in places-like the Toad. I'm still not entirely sure what he was or where he came from or why.
You've also got mixed tenses here and there: in some places, you used present tense, while it others you used past tense, which can be seen in the first sentence. You began in present tense, and then switched quickly into past tense. I would also suggest reconstructing the structure of your sentences, as most of them seem to follow the same general pattern with no variation; it makes your sentence flow choppy. I also noticed that a few times you said "Katana sword"-the words used together are repetitive, since a Katana is a kind of sword; it's like writing "dagger knife".
Otherwise, I noticed a couple of grammar issues:
"black driver's coat, escorted a young" -no comma
"another stereotypical arrogant prick!" Danielle quickly" -there should be a comma between "stereotypical" and "arrogant"
"brain continued to drip out of his head hole." -there's nothing grammatically wrong with this, but the wording is funky and kind of threw me off. Perhaps if it was "the hole in his head" instead of "his head hole", then it would sound smoother.