Reviews for Lies
ThePublicWriter chapter 1 . 7/23/2013
FUCK YOU
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aiayumi chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
You have a thing for writing. Smart and thoughtful, with a tint of bitter humor
a Cornucopia of Love chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
The last sentence of this story is genius. I loved it! I think you have a good foundation here, some great ideas, and that it can be built on successfully to give you a well-rounded piece of fiction. _

Here are some of my thoughts:
- I was curious to know why it would be better if the secretary died. It's such a strong, provoking statement and though it's probably not important, I think a little blurb or sentence to back up that thought would be helpful and/or interesting.

- Though I understand the concept of lying and its ease of use and ignorance in everyday life, I was a little bit perplexed as to what you were trying to say with this story, the "so what?", to say. I think there's definitely a story here, and something could be said about life, but I'm not sure if it came across fluidly. I guess some questions to ask yourself would be, "What am I trying to tell my audience? What is this story about? What should the reader take away from this story? What is the point?" That should help tighten up your concept a bit!

- The italicized words-who is thinking them? Is it a narrator or is it Lara thinking to herself?

- A few grammatical errors were here and there, mainly with the use of punctuation, which made some of the sentences a little hard to read. For example:

"It's pouring rain, but when isn't it in November." Should be a question mark at the end.

"The girl, Jane is what her name tag reads and it doesn't surprise her that the girl has such a plain name because it suits her, nods without looking up..." Clunky. Maybe split it into two sentences, like, "The girl's name tag reads 'Jane', and it doesn't surprise her that she has such a plain name: it suits her well. She nods without looking up..."

"...Lara asks her, not because she cares, because god knows it would be better for everybody if the useless secretary would evacuate this plane of existence, but because it's polite, and Lara is anything if not polite." Also clunky. xD

All in all, I think you have some good ideas here and this piece could be a really nice little look on the lives of people! It just needs a little bit of love and editing, and I'm sure you can have your audience thinking in new and wonderful ways!

Good luck!
Nitzer chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
It's such a twisted look at everyday life but it never feels sinister just kind of...removed. I like the idea that the story is built on and it takes a very interesting look at it.