|Reviews for The Bus Crash|
| Chikatsuno chapter 1 . 3/28/2013
I like the style, I like the twistedness (if that is a word) of this story. Goddam sick psycho setting the bus on fire after it crashed D8 But it might have been better if you would have described the "happy-go-lucky!" - part a bit longer, that would have added to the BOOM-effect when the bus finally crashes.
Also I'd reckon you'd try to integrate the descriptions of your characters into the story, it interrupts the flow of the text when there is a sentence just to describe how a specific person looks :/
But that is just my opinion, keep up the good work though! I liked this story! :3
| Plamen chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
Angelkiingy thats the most fantastic story I have ever red ! :)
| barfuss chapter 1 . 3/27/2013
I was a little surprised to find it under "Mystery" though.
Maybe you could try to make shorter sentences... that would make the action more... direct. Like the difference between watching an action scene and being told what is happening.
Unless, of course, you are using the long sentences to put the focus on the speaker, a traumatised person recounting these fateful moments. If so, it's very well done.
Anyways, congratulations on Angelkiingy's brother's first upload! Keep it up!