|Reviews for The stopping of time|
| Calamum chapter 4 . 4/9/2013
The story is starting! It’s quite nice even so it’s a little simple (I mean no one would be just cool with being adopted just like that. Even less cool when the adoption was made in a strange Harry Potter way…)
| Calamum chapter 3 . 4/9/2013
You wrote « the three friends » but I think they were only two right ?
xD Love how the parents are totally OK with keeping a random baby without calling the police or even wondering if someone was going to miss him somewhere.
Chronos’s powers are cool.
| Calamum chapter 2 . 4/8/2013
Well there are quite a lot of problems here. First off, temps! You keep switching from present to past and it’s very confusing. Second, time line. You add quite a lot of detail about what time it is but you skip thought and entire afternoon, or was it morning? Third, details. Too many unimportant details such as “she drinks some water”.
Now the story line wasn’t bad! I’ll read the rest. And don’t take my remarks too hard, I think if you are careful about what I pointed out you’ll improve your writing a lot.