|Reviews for Hairs and Bears|
| Miggles chapter 1 . 4/2/2013
I liked this - very original and a great use of the old tale. I especially liked the part hwere the bears complained about the porridge; the exact opposite reactions of Goldilock's in the original story. I did spot a few errors though;
'would of thought' - should really be 'would have thought'
'choose to settle' - 'chose to settle'
'hers' - her's
'There is some oats in this house, and I must find it.' - 'There are some oats in this house, and I must find them.'
'looking under doors and into attics' - under doors? :S and are there more than one attic?
'but the finest porridge.' - you didn't close the speech marks
'thin your porridge' - think
'dawned in her' - unless she's glowing, I think you mean 'dawned on her'
'very please that' - pleased
'different thine to her' - things to her
'Suddenly then, a distressed' - no need for the 'then'
'"What are you doing here?" Questioned Papa bear. - questioned does not need to be capitalised
'in here on my tale' - in my tale
'fine me' - find
'I'm sorry I came in on your sandwich' - what? :S
A brilliant twist on the traditional tale, and beautifyully written. Made me laugh too. :D
| inkfngrz chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
Could use some help, though.
"There is some oats in this house. . ."
Correct usage would be "There ARE some oats in this house. . ."
(But then, I'm assuming you didn't notice that and you could be using that phrasing intentionally. :D It is your story after all. :D)
Other than that, I found it a fun and neat twist on the old tired story.