|Reviews for Take This to Heart|
| The True Dreamer chapter 4 . 4/19/2013
Hello! I really enjoyed this chapter! It was short and sweet! I was a little frightened I might have scared you away with my last review but it seems you have already improved so much on tenses! So sorry I haven't been able to PM you like I said I would. My days are quite long lately. But it seems you have a pretty good handle on things which is great! Keep it up! You can only get better!
Just one piece of advice, if I may...try not to start your sentences in the middle of a thought. This catagorizes your idea as an incomplete one. Example:
"Baby cried and I gave him a bottle."(incomplete)
"My baby's cries were so peircing in the middle of the night that I decided to give him a bottle despite my fears of his teeth rotting." (complete)
Remember, you may know what your thinking, ofcourse, but it is up to you to paint a picture with your words so that everyone can see exactly what you mean. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Happy writing!
| The True Dreamer chapter 3 . 4/7/2013
Hello! You are very detail oriented in this chapter! A wonderful effort! This is a typical day for anyone who has an errand to run. Zaria is clumsy but takes no nonsense! A very interesting combination for a chacter to have. So not bad!
Now, Constructive criticism...I LOVE details! My stories are full of them! But be careful how much you put in. In my opinion, I would have saved the your awesome effort in detail until your chapters unfolded more of a plot. This chapter was more of a fill-in and had a sence of 'beating around th bush' to get to the main elements of your story. I would say its a bit too early in your story to introduce a don't have enough happening to Zaria yet to use a fill-in(a procrastinating chapter more or less). You should avoid them until all of your main characters are introduced.
You also have a lot of run-on sentences. Remember to always separate two different thoughts in a same sentence with a comma or a semi colon. Also, I'm going to PM you soon on some tips about tenses. Some very helpful writers gave me some much needed help with this and now I'm going to help you! One more thing, the key to becoming a better writer...believe it or not, is to read other peoples stories and reviews! Not only will your creative juices start flowing, but you will understand more of the things you should and shouldn't do when writing . If you read other stories, reviews will also come. 'Cause who doesn't love reviews?! So I'll PM you soon, if you don't mind. Happy writing!
| The True Dreamer chapter 2 . 3/31/2013
Hello! I like the elements in your story: Exploring around town ,being a VERY good Samaritan, like wow, wiping boogies from a random kid's nose is like mother in the making! Bringing details into a story can be very difficult and every part flowed into each other nicely! Also I need to ask this, how old is our heroine? And is Mayday like some mystical Sailor Moon type cat or what? She understands English! LOL!
Now for some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Editing you work is a must if you are writing something...anything! In one paragraph you have Zai drinking hot cocoa and in another you have her drinking coffee. Also, and this is very, VERY important! You have to chose wheather you are writing your story in the past tense or present tense. Believe me when I say that readers get frustrated wheather your character is "drinking" something(present), or if she has already "drank" it(past). And which ever you choose, the entire sentence...scratch that, the entire story should be in that 'tense'. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Happy writing!
| The True Dreamer chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
Hello! A good start to your story! There's a lot in Zaria's life I can totally relate too(Sorry if the name is wrong, there's another story I'm reading with a similar name.) And its always good to have friends who stick around. But it seems to me that her and Justin are into the mix of being friendlier than friends. Its going to be very interesting to see how all the aspects of your story unfold! So great work!
Now for some CONSTRUCTIVE critisim. You have a lot of grammer mistakes and some sentences you don't need. Its as if you are saying your idea twice to express what's happening and you don't need to...but who doesn't make this mistake. I would suggest using grammer check on your computer. I just wanted to let you know because some readers can be REALLY nasty about it...trust me! I'm speak from experience. But overall I can't wait to read what happens!