|Reviews for Prince of Pain|
| It's 2017 chapter 1 . 4/30/2015
thanks for writing this, hope you share more of your writing!
| MT chapter 1 . 3/21/2014
That was so good! Not that many writers can make up an entire world in a one-shot and make it this believable. Although I wished for their happy ending, I understand the ending. So beautiful. I'll just have to believe that a million years went by, and she did catch his soul...
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 1/17/2014
Interesting concept! This is a lot different than any of the romances I have read on this site. Very different concept. I do like the idea of pain being sad and both beautiful-it is so true in life. Nice work!
| Mister Black chapter 1 . 11/13/2013
How come these "once in a really long time" things always come in round numbers? Just because we're humans and got our numbering system from our fingers doesn't mean the universe counts like we do. Make it in dog numbers; use base 8!
Okay, so do we miss our mom or don't we? If our MC's gonna gank some unsuspecting person in his first appearance and still come across as sympathetic, let's not break the image by being so up front with his contridictions. He tells himself he doesn't miss her. Take a few sentences to show that he's not over it.
Okay, so our clearly not very nice magical being runs across a significantly nicer magical being. If it were me, I wouldn't drop the word "angel" within two sentences of her appearance. We're still enough in the dark at this point to be actively wondering what's going on, and you may lose an opportunity there for better immersion. I recommend beating around the bush a bit, maybe even coming up with Dolorum's own name for what she is, before dropping "humans call them 'angels'" or something like that at the end of the paragraphs. Maybe even mention it until Dolorum says so when he returns. The reason is that we're already struggling to understand that all of the badness in the world is the work of three guys; and this is our introduction to "goodness", or at least someone on the opposing team. Make your story stand out a bit by not showing instantly that there's a blue team and a red team, even though most readers are quite capable of understanding that quickly.
Well, that was easy. Solia should have been worm food but she's going to win because it's that time in our million year cycle? All she had to do was show some spine? Lucky her. I was wondering a bit how common Solia's temperament is; white hats like here aren't usually standoffish. I was expecting Dolorum to make note of it somehow; as this is in the Romance category and Solia aint no throwaway character.
Whoa, Solia went from Dr. Quinn to Dr. Kevorkian relatively quickly. I expected a little more resistance from little miss "Fuck you, Prince of Pain!" You might want to stretch this out a bit and let her come to her conclusion on her own; since she and Dolorum are seeing each other regularly, with Frank right there, there's got to be more interaction between them as they keep crossing paths. Doesn't need to be much; we can see him earn nice guy points by peering in, seeing her, and being relieved that he doesn't have to cack frank, and Solia can spend some time watching Frank waste away.
Okay, we've got confirmation that Solia's fresh out of Angel Boot Camp. This naievete is kind of the glue that keeps the story going through the next passage though; she seems awfully accepting of seeing Dolorum do his "hand of death" act. I'm curious as to how she got "made", assigned, trained, and all of those things, just because I see a determined defeatist in Dolorum, and not enough idealism that I'd expect from Solia. In fact, she seems to be taking to this casual murdering thing like a duck to water. I know Dolorum's hot but doesn't she have some sort of genetic predisposition against this sort of thing? I'm expecting more friction as her love of the bad boy leads her to him.
When the "not raining on angels" line dropped, I was starting to not like Solia. A lot of people would view her inaction regarding Dolorum's work as unaccaptable. I know I do. Fortunately, whoever's in charge of the weather machine seems to be cool with it, which just made me hate the weather guy. I think this is an easy fix though; I'd have Solia try to subtly sabotage Dolorum's efforts, only to see it fail. Maybe it only works on her assigned charges or something, This way, Solia can still keep her morals clean, and also learn the lesson of "inevitability" she's only heard about so far. Dolorum's already giving the "pain's not so bad" speech, and it feels like she'd be more receptive to the idea if she took a shot at stopping him and missed.
Not that she's not already receptive about it. Dolorum must have nice abs.
I did like Solia's offering to go grab the merchandise. The short explanation worked, the backstory fit, and I could see her jumping at the chance to make her man less of a bad guy.
Awww, we all are what we are. Damn celestial racism.
I'd have gone for a little more drawing out of pain on Dolorum at the end. His soul may be leaving, but he wanted Solia to catch the ball more than he's willing to admit, and the reader knows it. I'd go for a little more self-loathing, and a short internal argument before deciding to give Solia up. The end result is fine, it works, but squeeze a little more pain out of him. It's a romance,
It's supposed to hurt,
| Mr. Ree chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
Hey there! Your story has been added to the 'one-shot' category of A Drop of Romeo! Here's your review:
Ali Thinks: Not even going to lie, Dolorum has the coolest job in the world. A morbid job, yes, and a job I don't think anyone would want to have, but a cool job, nevertheless. See, he's the Prince of Pain, and he controls when people die. He does his job well, and for the most part it's pretty fun. However, whenever his soul flies by every million years, it's a little bit different. Especially since he meets Solia, an angel who makes him want to be with his soul in a more permanent manner.
A lot of times, just under 6,000 words isn't enough to properly develop a supernatural story. But thanks to unicorndisco1997's amazing prose, everything worked out exquisitely. There was a perfect mix of dialogue, characterization, and description. It's hard to get all of those elements to work well in a full-length novel, and the fact that she did this in such a short piece is astounding.
No matter what type of one-shot you're in the mood for, happy or sad, "Prince of Pain" definitely one to read. It's slightly bittersweet, but it leaves a lingering sense of hope that anyone could appreciate.
| asianinvasion0530 chapter 1 . 10/23/2013
OMG this was beautiful and so unlike any one-shot I have ever read and I LOVED IT. I almost wish this universe and the characters could be fleshed out in a longer story because they were just so intriguing, but then this one-shot wouldn't have such a bittersweet ending anymore.
Anyways, I'm so glad this was featured on ADOR and I'm definitely favoriting this now! :)
| SheJustReads chapter 1 . 9/7/2013
Sad and beautiful. :)
| Kristy Collins chapter 1 . 8/23/2013
Beautifully written story. Everything was great about this. I'm not a Supernatural fiction fan, but if more stories out there are as lovely as this I might become one.
| CaityLightning chapter 1 . 5/9/2013
Well done overall. The structure was nice and the wording was eloquent and beautiful. Well done, keep writing : )
| Felrain chapter 1 . 4/1/2013
The concept was very interesting and caught my attention just from the summary. Throughout the story the sentences remained neat in my opinion. I especially loved the way it ended!
Overall well done! Keep writing!