Reviews for Shadows on the Road
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 5/13/2013
I loved your use of alliteration in this. Each sentence had slice and poetry to it. And I think it really worked well with the otherworldly aspects of your narration. You never specifically came out and identified anything amuse in this moment, but just reading between the lines I thought that I sensed something spooky. I also liked how you fully brought the narrative back to where you started. I loved that effect and It gave me the sense that your protagonist was in limbo. Really great work over all, but I would maybe think about adding some more bulk via word count. I don't think more length would have hurt this. Keep up the good work.

Juliet.
Felrain chapter 1 . 4/23/2013
Absolutely brilliant. I found this instantly attention grabbing and spotted no errors (course I never spot my own so...).
The ending was beautifully dark with a type of ominous warning hidden amongst it.
Bravo and well done!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
Enjoyment - I'd say that I enjoyed this. Any longer though, and I don't think I would fee the exact same about it, but I think for the space of WCC, you made a good call kind of keeping it shorter and treating each individual paragraph more like a prose poem. They're very self-contained moments and I like that (I think that also contributes to a good pacing). The first words "deleteriously driving dangerous" really set the ton for the rest of the piece, and I think they also do an excellent job foreshadowing!

Writing - This is a fun experiment, I've never tried anything like this, and I think you do a good job keeping the writing coherent within the different alliterations and assonance moments. I think the "S" alliteration is my personal favorite, I always seem to lean towards it in my writing, so I really liked the "Suddenly swerve!" paragraph. I also liked how the writing feels like it has a cadence to it, it speeds up and slows down a lot like the car, and I think that's a big strength that you were able to do that.

Setting - Really great setting. I don't think you ever really go into big detail describing the road itself, but the things that are involved with the road, like the speed of the car, and the ghosts and the haunted atmosphere, really bring it to life. Or dead. Whichever. I liked the little moments where you allude to different ways to keep the driver on the road, like coffee, et cetera, and I also think this was a unique place to create a story about a haunting. Haunted roads don't get enough attention - it was very unique.

Ending - I do kind of like the ending, even though it's a sad one. I think the moment when the moaning man appears is really frightening and you do a good job showing that. I'm wondering if maybe (if you came back to reviese ever), you could also pay closer attention the headlight light of the car and what that looks like for the road. We do get the light source of the moon moving, which was cool, though, and I liked the different shadows and spirits and souls that are described right before the last line. That one really clenches the story together.
Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
This review will be of no real substance in regards to improvement. I just wanted to say I found it lovely. I've never really read a prose poem, so if this is how it's done I'm into it. The alliterative phrases make it a really interesting read. It's such a simple concept taken to a new level through the poetic components, just a story about driving home too tired, but elevated. I love the line "Tired eyes tripping, seeing shadows where no shadow strides." I can see it perfectly, and like the tripping metaphor.

Great job!