|Reviews for The Arkinda Chronicles, Book 1: The Tides of Change|
| Sokka088 chapter 1 . 6/19/2013
I hope I'm writing this in the right place, I'm still getting used to the site. So please bare with me. :p
Any one reading this story, I would say don't listen to the last review put up about it. While some criticisms were understandable, I still have to disagree with the last reviewer. I found this story very easy to follow so far and find it to be a very fun read. There is an interesting humor here from the narrator, and hope I see move of it. This of course is an early review and hope to give a more detailed and critical review once I'm finished with readying the entire story.
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
I like the opening of this—the descriptions are vivid in their own unique way, and the humor is quite refreshing. It's not at all forced.
What exactly is the "Outer World"? It's not clear. Is it another realm/dimension/reality, or is it simply another territory in this world?
[They leaned in on the streets, nearly coming together to form a perfect arch of living spaces. ] - - - This is probably my favorite sentence in the chapter; I love the image it creates.
[and many of these homes would not be able to survive in a non-magical climate.] - - - This confuses me, slightly; how exactly does magic contribute to the buildings' survival? :3
As I said, the humor in this is a real strength; additionally, the read is easy and smooth going. It was a pleasure to read. :)
Now, onto the critique. ;) (FYI, I'm writing this after having read through several chapters.)
I really don't like that you refer to Mitch as "the boy" for the majority of this chapter; it makes the already confusing middle part of this chapter all the more difficult to follow. More generally, you really don't spend any time at all actually conveying Mitch's personality here, so, it feels very shallow—cartoonish, even.
The plot is shoddy. It's sudden, unexplained, forced, and over-the-top—no connection at all to Mitch's development. Worse, the being-chased-by-bullies scene is messily conveyed. It wasn't easy for me to keep track of what was going on.
You use WAAAAAAAAAAY too many capital-letter-words in this. It makes it look unprofessional and childish.
Is the "Clen" thing supposed to be a joke? I really don't know what it is, and it seems over-the-top and not very believable that Kevocea would become so aggravated by it.
["Temperature: 277.59 Kelvin] - - - How in (your) world does your world know about the units named after Lord Kelvin of Earth?
[two large, slightly Orcish customers. ] - - - Let it be known that I consider the use of orcs by anyone other than Tolkien to be theft of his ideas. x3
I'm bothered by several of the things you do with Kevocea. Most significantly, it is totally not believable that, within the context of your world, your society is perfectly fine (i.e., no screaming and mob-forming) with her partially transforming in public, yet in chapter 4, they are utterly insistent at burning her at the stake. Similarly, even though he didn't see her change, I'm not buying the way that Mitch just ignores the fact that her voice underwent such a dramatic change and that she was able to scare off the bullies, single-handedly.
[Kev walked into the shed. The smell of some rotting meat in a far corner perked up her senses, but she knew she would have to look disgusted rather than hungry.] - - - Technically, as an active predator, rather than a scavenger(the whole "hunt" thing), "rotting" meat would smell rather nasty to her, especially if it's in an advanced state of decay. Changing this to say "fresh meat" or making some mention of it being blood-drippingly fresh would allow you to maintain the "I really need to act like I'm disgusted by this" angle while being consistent with the demands of biology.
| Terra Booma chapter 12 . 5/14/2013
| Terra Booma chapter 11 . 5/7/2013
Another good chapter, a new character too!
| Terra Booma chapter 10 . 4/29/2013
Dymio's going to drive Sek crazy. Keep up the great work!
| Terra Booma chapter 9 . 4/21/2013
On the road again, I'm starting to get a pattern XD
| Terra Booma chapter 8 . 4/21/2013
A city of musicians huh? sounds interesting!
| Terra Booma chapter 7 . 4/15/2013
Great story! I love the characters, and the plot. keep up the great work!