I love your writing, Fang. T_T I missed it so much. The details you use are always so beautiful, in this chapter and the previous one. I really love how you find so many different ways to describe the ocean and the buildings touched by the ocean. Although you've been in this sea port for awhile now, none of the description feel repetitive - which is really hard to pull off. Plus you develop the setting wonderfully. I particularly enjoyed those kids who coned the sailors out of their cargo. That was just really well thought out and real, and it adds an additional layer to the overall world. Makes everything feel so real I could touch it.

I think this relationship between Abacus and Calandra is moving along really well. And I love the action tags you use during their conversation. Everything feels so casual on the surface, but these past two chapters have this underlying tension beneath them that doesn't go away. Mainly, I think, because Abacus is in quite a pickle, and I have no idea what's going to happen to him next. I can't imagine it'll be anything good...

Also curious as to what the rest of the gang are doing. It'll be cool to see them again when you get to it. I'm wondering if Mad Jack knew Abacus was going to have to go through all this shit to pull off this "job," and I'm waiting for Abacus to accuse him of being an asshole for sending him in there. Poor Abby. I feel so sorry for him. :( All he wants is a job and a place to put his tiger, lol.

I really like Calandra as a character. I think she's already really layered and three-dimensional. I particularly like how she keeps talking about leaving and threatening to make sure the ocean ends up hers to rule. Sucks her father would do what he did to her. But after getting to know her character, I have a feeling she's going to stay true to her word and not like her step-brother take charge, either by leaving like her mother did or maybe...hmmm...even killing him. Maybe she'll end up an ally of Mad Jack's. :O

Guuuurl, you better not make me wait another eight months for an update!

Wow, so I'm pathetic. I think I read this some time back but school has kept me from reviewing until today. Alright, well, let's get to it. You deserve a review from me.

I don't know if anyone's told you this before, but your writing gets better with each read. Definitely got more out of it the second time, and who doesn't love experiencing your prose over and over again? Man, I'd forgotten how much I love this story and all the adventure it has!

Yeah, jeez, poor Abby. I know you told me not to say that, but it's so true. I mean, what, the kid was JUST with Mad Jack and all that craziness last chapter, and now he's kidnapped by pirates? I mean, is there even a reason Abby was taken in the first place? (Yes, I might've missed that, heh) Either way, that guy goes through some major crap in this story. Oh, the life of the adventure story MC. Tough it is.

Let me just say, you create some memorable characters in your stories. The pirate with the welts, all the lovely strong females you present - it's all great. I love how you establish this community and give it all this intrigue just within the span of one chapter. It definitely takes some skill, and you've got it. I'm also fascinated by the dynamic between the siblings, Cal and her father...I suppose it's just not every day I read a story about families within groups of pirates. Just another way your story stands out.

Well, after Abby survived that traumatic yet wonderfully written drowning scene, I'm curious to see where this all leads. Where's Mad Jack and the crew to save him? C'mon guys, I know you can do an awesome rescue!

Update soon!

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!

Wow it's been forever since I left a review. I've been meaning to read this for awhile now but I kept forgetting. You should totally start emailing updates to me in pdf files or something because that makes it so much easier to remember. Plus it's fancy. :3 That's only if you want to, of course. But yeah, whenever you got a chapter done (or multiple chapters, depending on how often you want to update the story on FP) send them my way in an email.

Anyways! Onto the review.

There were two major things I thought during this chapter. The first was: omg there are such pretty descriptions in here. And the other was: omg Abacus is going to die and reading all this drowning stuff is torture, lol. You do such a great job putting me in his position. I was so scared for him the entire second half of this chapter when the pirate was drowning him. I could seriously taste the salt water. x_x And the way you drag it out, arrrrrghhh, it's very scary.

Love how you compare Calandra's eyes to the ocean and personify them with oceanic descriptions and verbs and stuff. Just really cool. That was one of the highlights of this chapter for me. But even the general description was really awesome, of the ocean and the sea and what Abacus was feeling during all this torture. It's really raw and visceral, and also terrifying (where the torture was concerned). This is so much more violent than the previous version, but the tension is also a lot higher too. So are the stakes. I think putting Abacus' life at risk really helps heighten the stakes.

Really curious as to what Mad Jack has in store. Also curious as to what Abacus is going to do, if he'll continue working for Mad Jack or be forced to betray him to survive. Maybe Mad Jack has that already planned out or something...either way, I have no idea what's going to happen next. Which is a good thing. xD

Some nit-picky stuff to look out for when you go back and line edit. This is actually some of the advice my agent gave me, in order to make the prose more active. I'd say about 90% of the time you can eliminate stuff like "he saw" or "he felt" or "he smelled" to make a sentence or description more active. Example:

"He could hear the man screaming something at him, but water plugged his ears."

Could be:

"The man screamed something at him, but water plugged his ears."

It's more active and a bit tighter. More show than tell, too.

That's really all I have in terms of suggestions. Looking forward to seeing where the plot goes next and what type of trouble Abacus gets into. I can't really imagine anything worse than being drowned in salt water, but I'm willing to believe you when you say the worst has yet to come. x_X

(Let me know in Skype if you have any questions!)

)Long overdue returns!

Abacus remains good and consistent in his characterization. I really liked that you integrated more dubious elements this chapter, such as the thought of running off with Nicole's money. I think perhaps this has been the most negative moment he's had so far, and it reminds the reader that he's been in the business long enough to have developed unsavory thoughts.

Right from the start I love Nicole & Jack's relationship. Whether it's friendly, sibling or otherwise, there's a sense of endearment underneath the jabs that makes me want to know more about them individually as well as their partnership. It's also quite curious when considering people seem to think Jack works alone, and establishes another level of intrigue around him and Nicole in regards to the business element of their relationship.

Which brings me to my next thought: What exactly do these two have going that Jack is willing to bring something as conspicuous as a tiger into the fold? The easy answer is perhaps use a sideshow the distract/lift things off people, but that seems too simple and risky for someone with Jack's experience. It leaves the possibilities for Abacus and Ba-Shu's future open and obscured enough to create anticipation. :)

Fang, I'm curious: Do you have first hand experience with tigers? :O I only ask because of how realistic/believable you write out the tiger's movements/actions/interactions. I get the sense you have a ton of knowledge about these creatures and you put in a lot effort to make them come across as natural as possible to the readers. Even if you don't have experience with them, I'm really impressed at what I'm reading so far.

I'm also touched by Ba-Shu's and Abacus's relationship/connection. with each other. It's clear that the two care for each other, and you really show that by having Ba-Shu press their forehead's together. It makes me think about the people out there that do own large felines like that and sometimes, owning them isn't all that bad. I know on TV they like to showcase the bad cases of owning tigers, lions, etc., but there are also those who are quite sweet and loving with their owners. I'm rambling here...but to state once again: I really enjoy that you were able to write out a connection between these two.

:DDDDDDD I found the sentence that contains the novel title in it }:D

But damn, Fang. Talk about an intense scene! I think you did a great job at painting out all those emotions and all that suspense. You also did a wonderful job on transitioning from action to action (such as Abby and Kash fighting/arguing to Abby and Ba-Shu running past Claude's tent) All of it was beautifully depicted and I must admit I found myself very excited while reading through it xP

I was all like "(;/3/;) You run, tiger, bby, you run!"

Omg my feelers were getting to me when Abacus tried to sell Ba-Shu. I'll just say this now: I'll end up an emotional mess if Ba-Shu gets separated from Abby. D'x

Mysterious woman is mysterious.

All in all: A wonderful chapter! I really enjoyed every bit of it and I felt a lot was accomplished towards the plot and characterization.

Here's the prize review for Potter's June WCC win. :)

Characters - All the characters are well defined. I'm interested in this new character that's been introduced (Nicole, I presume by the note at the bottom). She has a very strong and forward personality, and I'm curious to know what she'd want with a circus escapee and a tiger.
Scene - Abacus' escape was slightly confusing near the end. If he was shot at, how did Claude not know he was there? Or was he just randomly shooting around? I guess it's possible he did see him but since they made it over the hill he wasn't going to chase after them. Other than that, I really enjoyed the suspense in this scene. I
Setting - After Abacus has escaped, I really loved the descriptions of the setting. All the details involved the senses, making the city and desert feel very tangible. I really enjoyed the richness of the descriptions, all these little details about the market and the people and the animals feel so vivid. Also, earl grey light is and awesome description.
Pace - I think the pace is done really well. I never felt the story lag or speed up too much in any places, so I think you've got that down pat. It's nice that even when there isn't a whole ton happening plot-wise, you still fill in the pauses with great descriptions and detail to make everything still feel dynamic and keep the sense of movement up.

This was a very interesting read. I like that it gives a more behind the scenes look at the circus, not just the funny, entertaining part that we see. The ending was good as well, it definitely left the reader hanging. I loved when they did the contortionist/tiger trick where they made it seem like one had turned into a tiger. Overall, great story!

Hello!

Sorry for the slight delay in the reviewing process. This was a lovely, short chapter. Obviously, I can't comment on the chapter's previous draft, but I can say what I thought was done well in this chapter:

I'm never a huge fan of reading descriptions, but how you described the cathedral both in its physical description as well as the events going on around it (the cleaners with the birds' nest was particularly memorable) kept my attention, and it lingered for just long enough. I really like your introductions as well, such as describing Abby's feelings as he walks alone. It's awesome how you can take the very mundane things we do like walking and breathe enough life into the situation to make it an interesting read.

I LOVE that Mad Jack is still in contact with his mother. I don't know why, but I find it hilarious, and also wildly clever on your part. Not every day you see the thief character still have a good relationship with his mother. I particularly loved the bit where Mad Jack prattles on about offering his skills to his mother and she just says his arrogance is his worst quality. Probably my favorite bit in the whole chapter. I think every once in a while, it's great to have a character tell the more powerful/skilled/revered characters that they're not all that special. Helps develop them immensely.

Hah, let's get to the pirates! I love pirates, and pirates v. thieves should be quite the fun time. Update soon!

Hey Fang! :D I'll go ahead and answer your questions first and then comment on anything else I wanted to talk about that I might not cover. Also, always remember you can feel free to ask me questions on Skype anytime!

I really enjoyed the description of the cathedral. I was able to picture it really well, and the type of details you addressed added an interesting and unique ambiance inside the whole place. I think some of my favorite details were the finches (some really nice attention to sound there) and the windows with all the colors. I really love strained glass windows, and you describe them in such a fresh and interesting way, especially the light coming through them. Plus the preacher lady was really cool, I thought that added some life to the interior of the cathedral. And i think you implied a lot about her personality even though she was only in it for a bit, what with how fervent she preaches when she doesn't have much of an audience.

I like the mystery behind what exactly Mad Jack is stealing. Not only does it make things more interesting for the reader, but it also puts Abacus in an awkward situation. It really shows how much of a grub he is in their group still, being forced to deal with the dirty work, and then not even being given the full details on why exactly he's risking his life. Makes me feel bad for him. But at the same time, I know he doesn't absolutely have to be here, so that says something interesting about him. As nervous and uncomfortable as he might be on the surface, I wonder if he's really secretly enjoying all this. Kind of like the thrill he gets from stealing. Makes sense when coming from someone who worked at a circus. Performing in a circus in itself is a risky business. This whole working for Mad Jack seems like just a step up from the risks he faced before.

I think my favorite Mad Jack moment was when Abacus walked into the room and Jack is lounged back in his chair with his hands behind his head. He just comes across as such a smooth guy. Maybe a bit arrogant...or confidant. Not sure yet, haha. There's been a lot of build-up behind Mad Jack's character, like the rumors and the reputation he has, and from his body language he certainly does feel authentic when put next to those claims. But even so, it'll be really fun to see him in action and see what he can do. I'm looking forward to seeing if he just lives up to his reputation...or if he's even more badass than that and words just can't do him justice, lol. Also, the addition of his mother was fun to watch. The way he talks to her and how she talks to him, I definitely don't get a sense of a warm relationship between them. Also makes sense that he talks about the Gods the way he does when his mother is so high up in the echelons of the religion.

I wonder if Mad Jack is blood related to her or if she adopted him, because i noticed how Abacus notices that Mad Jack doesn't look too much like her. An interesting detail, and I feel like you put that in there for a reason. I feel like there might be more behind Jack's mother than meets the eye, so I'll be looking forward to seeing what becomes of her.

I always really love your dialogue, and I think one of your biggest strengths is being able to keep tabs on multiple character in a single room. I always start to get overwhelmed when I have more then three people in a room, haha. But you always make sure to keep everyone involved so it never feels like things are too empty or characters magically appear / disappear, you know? I hope that makes sense. x.x I just really like your dialogue. I always have. Your conversations are always very entertaining.

I don't really have any suggestions for this chapter, so good job! Can't wait for the next update because I wanna see how you handle the pirates and if you'll reuse those urchin children from before and all those people who lived in those wrecked ships. I remember that being a really eerie image that I loved.

Yeah, I thought it was strange they had tigers, because from what I know, I do believe tigers and other exotic animals are banned from the circus now. I think lions too? But that's in my country. I don't know about the others.

The scene with the elephant made me sad, precisely because I know that happened a lot during that time period.

Sweet mother of monkey milk, I just realized my last review didn't go through! O_O

*ahem* Let's try this again, shall we? (Sorry for the delay in noticing!)

Quick note, I don't know why I kept writing "Hazel" when I wanted to say "Hera". Huge dummy moment on my part, and I apologize profusely for that!

One thing I found curious last chapter was how open Hera was to the idea of Abacus running away, given they had somewhat of a bond between them, but the revelation of the troupe having been bought out (so to speak) explains that very nicely, as well as why she was insistent on Abacus coming to find her wherever she may be. From the summary I already knew they would go their own ways, but it still left me feeling quite sad when Abacus discovered she and the girls had left with Vivica.

The height of tension in the first scene, for me, was before Kashmir went to distract Claude. One could argue that this scene could have been condensed, but I actually really loved that nerve jangling of Abacus needing to get going, but losing time trying to convince Kashmir to follow and then getting her to cooperate when she refused to leave the tigers.

One thing I found a bit odd was adding the market scene to this chapter. I honestly felt it belonged if not on its own, then at least with the next chapter since there's sort of this clear divide between the backstory and the main plot.

The scene was a great way to introduce a bigger flaw in Abacus. I was surprised at how quickly he went back on his promise to not sell Ba-Shu, not that it wasn't understandable. I did think it was kind of odd that he went to a fur trader of all things to try and sell Ba-Shu as a pet, but I think that further emphasized the fact that Abacus doesn't really think things through at times.

Very nice introduction to Nicole. :) Kind of sassy, almost a bit flirty, definitely in charge. I like her already, lol. All kidding aside, though, her opportunistic approach really works well with Abacus's desperation, and I really look forward to seeing what she has planned for the poor guy. :D

Boy, even if this is a shorter chapter, you still pack in so much plot, shiny plot into so few words. I’m honestly excited, and if I weren’t this exhausted, I’d review the next few chapters :D So where do we start?

I really liked Abacus’s thinking back to his pre-runaway days; it was a very sweet, wistful scene that showcased how there were good things about circus life, even if he was hungry and didn’t have much. But it showed that he had people he cared about, and that there are things he will miss. It worked very nicely for me as an emotional scene, making me care once again (but you should know by now that I do care – your story is a precious little gem).

Another thing, as always: your writing. I’m really in love with it. It’s really simple, but yet it’s not: there was that brief passage, just before deciding to join Nicole and her ‘gang’, were you have Abacus think back of everything he’s been through (the elephant being whipped, Claude in his pyjamas etc) that I really fell in love with. I loved it because it was beautiful and an eye-catcher, but also because it had some very powerful imagery. It worked very well for me as it reinforced his trauma of the past few chapters, and made his decision to join come across as more decisive. Also, just lovely writing there :D

Hmm, I like Nicole? She’s feisty and cool, with an attitude to boot. She comes across as very sensual and attractive too, which I attribute to how you write her. You just write in such a lively manner that makes her come across as this very colourful for me. Works very well for me, because it makes her stand out :)

Hmm, I liked the mention of this Jack :D Exciting, exciting! I liked how you established him as this legendary (LEGENDARY STOP ME FROM MAKING A HIMYM REFERENCE) thief, and then introduced him as this relatively normal and seemingly fun-loving man :D That made me laugh, because you totally defied my expectations, and he just seems so much … fun :D From how he teases Abacus about his age, and how he banters about with Nicole, to his being just …now what Abacus expected XDDD. Yeah, I’m looking forward to seeing more of him, and ending this review now because I am giddy XD.

But I like this story a lot :)

Back :D

So, you have a tendency to pack a lot of *content* in your chapters, which is not a bad thing, but makes it hard for me to review, because I want to comment on everything, but them am too scatterbrained to know where to begin. But I like the plot, I really. I was dubious about it at first, because …I don’t just because – I usually only go for escapist slash fiction these days with smutty content, because RL is challenging and …yeah XD. The past few circus I read were lacklustre too, starting off promising but then wasting away into something pretentious and dull. Anyhow, I’m just saying: I like this, I really do: you know how to keep your reader engaged, and that’s because you know how to characterise properly. I feel Abacus’s plight, and his woes and his desire to escape and make a better life for himself and …it’s just so clearly represented and depicted in the first scene of this story that the reader just grows engaged in your plot. It helps, too, that this story is honestly exciting: I loved how you described the escape, showing suspense and tension by having Claude appear, Abacus being assaulted by natural sources around him and so forth. The writing was very sharp and clear then, heightening the excitement. …Eh, tl;dr: I like your plot, because it’s exiting and it works for me, because you’re keeping me up my toes :D

(Why are reviews so hard lately? Sheesh XD.)

Anyhow, back to the first scene: I liked the scene between Kashmir and Abacus, just before his departure. Firstly, because she redeemed herself by allowing him to take the tiger, and it was a nice goodbye/parting scene; I think it was also very well-written, fleshing out both Kashmir and Abacaus. I loved the little touches there too, like Abacaus leaving the money behind for Kashmir (and Kashmir showing that she cared a lot for her tigers). What I also really liked, and forgot to mention was how you led up to the build-up of escape scene: Abacus’s conflicts were clearly written, and the emotion in the build-up helped make everything more interesting and relatable for the reader too.

Actually: I really just like your writing in this chapter: it’s very clear again, but so full of important and vivid details, like seen evidently in how you fleshed out the market scene. I loved how you showcased how sights, smells and people worked together to create an unique atmosphere :D Your details here were sparse, but still managed to create a specific flair. It worked a lot for me, because I actually could see everything in my head. XD But anyhow, I liked the market scene, even though I was initially angered that Abacus was going to try and sell Ba-Shu after all D: I get that he’s hungry, but meh XD. Thankfully, the one man was only interested in the pelt …

Anyhow, I loved the scene with the girl :D I loved how she teased him, and how was interested in her, but shy 333. So cute! It made me laugh 33, and worked for me because it made Abacus so endearing 33. But most importantly, it developed a new plot development, which I’m looking forward to :D

Sorry for this jumbled messy review of incoherencies ;_; I’m actually enjoying this, but getting annoyed with the whole like/this work template of the EF requirements for the RG. I’d rather just gush at you outside of the games *_* (but the games introduced me to the story, so yay for that :D).

Admittedly, I’m growing more tired, and part of me thought that this chapter seemed too long at first glance, but once I got to reading, the fluidity of your prose won me over :) I still really enjoy how you capture little – important! – details so well, and thus manage to enhance a setting so beautiful; I really feel that nothing is skimped over, and that you manage to bring the circus to life. It really works, because you pull the reader in, instead of frightening them away :)

So: I really liked the plot happenings in this chapter – a lot of important things happened, and I found myself engaged, starting with the fact that Abby got brutally beaten by (the jerk) Claude, to the tiger being slotted for death to the whole scene between Claude and Vivica. What can I say? It was all very eventful and exciting, making the reader want to continue reading :D The reason why you keep things excited is a combination of the right timing, the right pacing and the right kind of writing style that is both vivid but also very simple, so as to not make the reader feel too tired 33. I love, love the emotion in your writing: the confrontation scene, the beating scene, Abby accusing that one woman of being a sell-out: all of it was very tightly written, but not sucked out of emotion. I really felt angry on Abby’s behalf, felt scared on his behalf …you just totally drew me in. I really like that, because it makes me feel engaged to the story, and care for the characters.

What else? I liked the darker tones of the story: the politics behind circus life. It’s all still clearly about power and corruption, about people only caring to get the better profit. You made this really clear in the tent scene, and I can feel Abby’s anger. I also think you hint at the darkness when it comes to Hera (who you mention being beautiful, and not being able to last long once Vivaica leaves). I like those darker tones, because they make the story more realistic and also make the plot thicken. I can already feel that Abby wants to leave, even if he does care about Hera’s welfare …

Hmm, I loved the scene with the wooden box: a lot of tension and details there that I felt was beautifully described. I could definitely envision everything very clearly, and I also thought you could the quiet tension of it very well across. It gripped me a lot.

Wow, you have so many *detailed* and lovely reviews for this chapter that I'm not sure where to start. I don't really have much other than praise honestly :D

What immediately drew me in was your writing style: it’s very vivid, very lively and definitely more than stellar. It flows and it engages, but it doesn’t ramble or seem too sparse or lazy. It’s just very pretty, and definitely something I’d enjoy a lot while flipping the pages of a book :3 I really like how you repeat certain lines when it comes to setting (the smell of cigarette smoke 3), because it enhances the atmosphere, and really pulls me into the place, making me a spectator. I can’t say more than that: just lovely prose that is effective and very fluid :3

A scene that really struck me (and that I ‘liked’): the elephant-whipping scene, where do I start? I was shocked and spell-bound, both, because you described this so vividly, so clearly and emotionally that I just felt a shudder running down my spine. All those little details, the way you described the narrator’s horror and the other elephants’ fear – I just can’t tell you how much it drew me in, and also made me angry. I wanted to punch that woman who kept hitting that poor animal ): It was just a very effective scene in terms of emotion that really worked, because of how detail, emotion, and writing worked together to create this very memorable scene.

Other things I liked were how you described the circus proceedings. It was all very clear, while remaining technical, but understandable. I feel like you did a lot of careful research to make this chapter so very lively :3 I really appreciated learning about how those tricks worked, and finding out a bit about the ‘politics’ of circus life. It definitely pulled me in, and I’ll gladly read more :3