|Reviews for Railway Children|
| Erysimum chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
Really interesting, this one. I like the concept a lot..the idea that we have routes or journeys in life that we go down and maybe we choose the wrong one ("trains that are never meant for us") or we miss the best opportunities...fate and life, at least that's what I got from it! Do we have a specific train already set out for us? Do we really have any choice about what train we get on? Probably best to just jump aboard and make the most of the journey!
(your poems always send me on a weird train of thought which probably doesn't relate at all to what you were writing about) (heh, train of thought)
I did like the first stanza, it's really intriguing but I will say that for me it didn't fit so much with the rest of the poem, the ideas I mean..seems like that stanza could maybe have developed into something else.
| Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 6/22/2013
This is a wonderful piece. The imagery is brilliant (as always) but I like how it can be interpreted in two ways; the first way as a straightforward narrative of the children running after trains and waiting for an alternative. But the second is like a moral. For me the poem seems to suggest that we always try to chase after the things we cannot have and we always wait for the alternative - which sometimes means we ignore the opportunities or the options we are given. But that as you so cleverly reminded us is life. Beautiful poem and very clever too. My favourite line has to be "We are evolution at work, my friends." - that just sums up the human race right there because we are constantly changing and evolving. Brilliant piece with some great lines in there. Excellent work! :D
| Naver chapter 1 . 6/2/2013
Now this is probably may favorite piece by you. I love trains, more than anything because I have so many memories attached to them. The message in this is powerful also. In life, many of us chase what we can't have, what we shouldn't. Just like you said "That's life." It's always like this. We wait for something better missing opportunities and then the golden one passes, soon were back to the start. This also reminds me of when I was in Germany and all the school children were waiting for the trains. They acted just like this. One almost didn't make the train. One almost got hit by another. I guess it's like this everywhere.
-Phenomenal work, continue to write. :)
| R. Ficst chapter 1 . 5/29/2013
Wow. Very interesting. I love the imagery you chose. This story contains many more thoughts than words. A mix of emotions, too. Such is life ; )
| True Talker chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
I like the positive of there being something for us. However the last line makes me feel sad. REALLY.
| CrystalMind chapter 1 . 4/7/2013
Let me start by saying that I like this poem, especially the first stanza and couplet. I feel that you've captured something interesting here. I definitely like the impressions I get from the language choice.
Moving on to the things I liked less-although didn't necessarily dislike-your rhythm is a bit odd. It's a sort of start-stop, a syncopation that doesn't agree with the flow. Because of this, the concept seems a bit unformed. The first stanza is inspired, but doesn't mesh cleanly with the rest of the verse. The couplet you used for the summary occurs only once, and I wonder if it might have been referenced more specifically as a refrain later in the piece.
I enjoyed it, though. Keep writing.