Reviews for Neglect
Archia chapter 1 . 5/31/2013
Interesting, might I say. The rhyme could use a little work; it makes it a bit random trying to adapt to the rhyme, but then I guess the nature of this is random. A bit depressing, I thought it was going to be cheery when it first started talking about sweets, but I liked that.
Who Is This Girl Anyway chapter 1 . 4/24/2013
This was okay, but I think it could be improved. The narrative voice could do with being a bit more defined, and I think some imagery would enhance the poem a bit.
RBJohnson chapter 1 . 4/17/2013
" I'm now a homeless, dead and moneyless," if you're intent is to use proper grammar then it should be "I'm now homeless, dead, and moneyless" I got rid of "a" and added a comma after dead. Interesting poem.
Stetson and Fedora 1103 chapter 1 . 4/8/2013
Well...this is cheery O.o
MysteriousFire chapter 1 . 4/8/2013
Pretty depressive for a child? xD
I like it though. I'm trying to imagine songs with it now, but it doesn't sound right. I'm wondering what your song is like.
I like it!