Reviews for Teenage Dream
HenryDavid chapter 11 . 5/17/2013
... Air Force, not marines...
I'm sorry; but misplacing what branch of the military that the father is in gives the impression of a haphazard production.

Slow down. Review the stuff from other chapters.

As the #1 rule of making stories: always always ALWAYS remember what your characters said/are/experienced!
Sorry, that just gets me hot.
HenryDavid chapter 10 . 5/3/2013
The grammar is starting to slip; watch it...

The sentences near the end are getting to be kind of long to the point where they are very long run on sentences and may disrupt the nice rythym of your story. (This is an example.)

IE: Please use commas and semicolons; that voice in your head that reads things will take appropriate pauses for the rythym of the story. Treat it almost as poetry that doesn't rhyme.

Don't worry about over-manipulating the story, or words/sentences.

Henry David
Lolitroy chapter 6 . 4/25/2013
The story's been really good so far, but I still wonder why did he pick her, if you know what I mean.

Yaaaay! *SPOILERALERT* a kiss! Awesom!
Lolitroy chapter 2 . 4/25/2013
Hahaha I love the names :D

You should separate dialogue into paragraphs each time someone speaks, y'knpw.

So far, I've liked the story :3 I'm curopus to see how Kevin really is and why is he interested in Jennie.
HenryDavid chapter 6 . 4/14/2013
This just makes me sad that I'm in the friendzone.
Love it! Love it!

I wish the spelling and grammar; as well as the use of words was slightly better;
mostly in Chapter 5.

The plot is good; the imagery is good; I love it.

Please put out more like this.

Forever Alone

-Henry David
HenryDavid chapter 5 . 4/14/2013
My heart's exploding.

This is the greatest thing ever... ?!
I love the ending. I LOVE cuddling!
But; I've only gotten to do it once. Sad. Girls don't see past my appearance.

Forever Alone

-Henry David
Ophelia Schmit chapter 1 . 4/14/2013
It's excellent! I just LOVE the way you wrote this! So far, I've haven't really found any mistakes in here, which is great (some people are in desperate need of time to sit down and read through what they wrote).

Mistical Hearts chapter 3 . 4/12/2013
O.O I wanna know! Ahhhh! Continue sometime soon! :D