|Reviews for Spirit of a Little Dragon|
| KayMacD chapter 4 . 8/29/2013
The chapter was pretty good. I think it's suspenseful and mysterious and all the things you're looking for in a storyline.
There are a few issues with the language, though. Usually that doesn't bother me too much, but sometimes it can give a strange image. Such as how Tristan had "light blood hair" (Gah! Get him to a doctor!) and Cindy had "wombs" on her back. Now that image is strange. O_o
So you should dedinitely consider that when you're writing. Mistakes like that pull the seriousness out of the story.
But other than that, I say keep at it!
| KayMacD chapter 3 . 7/17/2013
I'm glad you're back! Computers can be really annoying sometimes, especially when they crash. But I'm glad to see you're still writing. :)
I feel obligated to point out the "has" thing again. It's not so bad when a word is misspelled, as long as you can tell what it's supposed to be, but when it looks like a different word, it really throws me off and takes me out of the story, and I'm sure many readers feel the same. There's also several other spelling and grammar errors, but a quick spellcheck program should fix that for you. :)
Besides that, I think there's a little plot hole in Prologue II. From the little I understand of the court system, you are first asked how you plead (Guilty/not guilty), then you are given a trial, then you are given a verdict, and then you are executed. But your story has her already hooked up to the electricity when she's given her verdict, and then she's asked how she pleads without any other trial whatsoever. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not (because it's clear to me that your story isn't in the US so they might not care about the court system at all) but I wanted to make sure.
But there are good things, don't worry. :) I thought the intensity of the second prologue was just as good as the first one, and Cindy's bravery was astounding. It was a good teaser for the rest of the story, and I'm really interested to see how Tristan died. And then we get to go back to where Tristan is alive, and I'm psyched!
I hope you keep writing. It's always hard to find time, but it's also very worthwhile when you finish a story. :)
| KayMacD chapter 1 . 4/12/2013
Hi! I think I'm your first reviewer!
First off, I love your username. The only thing more awesome than a phoenix is a pegasus. :D
And I also love the quote at the bottom and at the top. I feel like it gives the story a darker mood.
There's some things that could be improved. Mainly grammatical things. You used "has" instead of "as" a couple times, and sometimes used commas where periods should be. That type of stuff doesn't really bother me, though, as long as the message comes across. :)
I really loved the mood of the chapter. I could really picture it very well, and it painted a very dark tone and amazingly terrible images in my head. And I do hope you update, because I'd like to hear more and figure out who the blonde-haired man was. :D