|Reviews for Sunshine|
| Isolde Auckley chapter 1 . 4/16/2013
I am impressed with the descriptions here! Detailed, yet not overpowering or boring, they keep me waiting to read the next line, and they allow me to see the poem taking place in a very real way. In the way of improvement, the only things I noticed is that the word "go" in line eight could possibly be substituted for a more descriptive word such as "Walk" or "Run", and there is a missing comma after "stop" in the next line. Other than these few technichal aspects, everything is perfect!
| tolerate chapter 1 . 4/12/2013
I like the details of the poem and what it describes, but I don't think the poem flows well. I think you just need to arrange the words in another way and it'll flow better. There isn't a certain rhythm to it, and since it's a free verse, it's not that big of a problem but in my opinion, the pauses are wrong and therefore disrupts the pace of the poem. In the fifth line, there's no need for the comma there. Same goes for the seventh line. The second last line, too. 'Go over the grass' doesn't really flow well in my head. You can use some other words to replace 'go over'. I think the word 'water' starting from' Clear, cold water...' got too repetitive. Maybe you could search for the synonym of water and use them.
'Water drops spray everywhere.' It sounds wrong. I mean, it is wrong. You spray something on someone, you don't drop sprays of something on someone. Even if this is correct, 'spray' is also wrong. It should have an 's' behind. It's a grammatical error.
And contrary to what the other reviewer said, there is actually no compulsory need to capitalize every first letter of the poem. You can do whatever you like. There are people who don't capitalize their works at all and as far as I can see, the structure of the poem doesn't affect what I think of the poem.
| Purplemonkey123 chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
It is a very good free verse poem, in the second line the "t" in touch needs to be capitalized, the fourth line "that" needs to be capitalized, same goes for the first word in the sixth line, eighth line, 10th line, and the last line. That's really the only problem I saw, I liked it though good poem :)