Reviews for What life has come to
Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 4/14/2013
I decided to start with this one as it is shorter and will review the second when you're ready for me to.

The first thing that stands out to me is “I have baby blue eyes and blood red hair.” Nobody has blood red hair in real life. It would be more normal to say that “I have baby blue eyes and my hair is dyed blood red,” or something like that. If it is natural, you need to instead include something about it being natural, but the thing is... your story isn't an Anime or meant to be in the style of Anime, nor is your story supernatural or fantasy, sci-fi or horror. So she can't have “blood red hair” unless she dyed it.

There is also this sentence. “He was hustled away with them and took out my mobile phone from the breast pocket of his coat.” It's not in first person narrative in the second part, but third. Spell out numbers, it should be six-hundred euros in that one spot. I also think you can also do something better for the scene transition, but I don't know what. I know why you did it the way you did though, so I'm not going to say its jarring like it is usually in other writings, because it does fit.

I'm going to end this by saying I really liked the story and can't find any fault to the plot. I also liked the characterization of your two characters.