|Reviews for CR: Heretic (2008)|
| Mad Hatteress chapter 16 . 6/11/2013
Oh my GOD, this is an amazing story! If you took it off the internet and did a little proofreading, I think you could get a good deal from a publishing company!
| Cyrano81 chapter 4 . 6/6/2013
Lol! Jeremiah and Zelda make me laugh... especially when Kamrilla suspects he isn't a "real" Etone. Fantastic chapter.
| ruveus chapter 3 . 5/31/2013
You seriously need to post more for Heretic. No one has any clue how frickin' awesome Kamrilla is from the way she starts out.
-Actually; that's kind of a problem... Kamrilla is a fabulous, engrossing character. I understand the need for demonstrable character growth, but she needs more to start with, or you're going to lose your target audience before she has a chance to hook 'em.
Spell- and grammar-check needed. Your rough drafts are, admittedly, better than a lot of people's final drafts... but this is a little choppy.
Ch. 3 has a lot better momentum and is more engrossing than ch. 2. This is about where I originally got interested in her story. It still needs some cleaning up, but you're on the right track, here. -My advice; do more of what you do best. Show vs. Tell. You really aren't going to grab anyone (other than teenage girls) with what's going on in teenage Kamrilla's head. Focus on her perceptions, not her thoughts. Assume nobody knows a damn thing about CR or Zenith, and discover it through her eyes.
Kamrilla has a more accessible view of Zenith than the Usual Suspects. Capitalize on that. And build Lloyd up a little. Something tells me he could be more.
Actually; I kind of see a bit of Stephan in him.