|Reviews for Finding Snowflakes|
| Louis-sama chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
Okay, this is an interesting story. I'd like you to know that when I read a story, I'll find some 'oomph' factors in it (don't ask me how I find it, it's hard to describe), and I figured out that this story has some of the factors I've been looking for. I liked this chapter because it made me curious about what's going to happen next. The interaction between Eliott and Carrie looked very natural. And the fact about Eliott being a wolf somehow just came in rather naturally. You're rather skillful with that (then again, considering that this praise came from an amateur like me, I don't think it even matters *self-deprecation).
So, a good chapter. While I know that it can be better, this is good. I shall move on to the next chapter, and please keep up the good work, my friend.
| Unweighted Book Author chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
Curious little story. The current direction of the plot is very much up in the air but the character interactions between your two main characters are nice and measured. It certainly makes it clear that you're aiming for a sense of realism to accompany the characters and personal problems that you might be planning to explore, and I'm always a fan of that. Real characters almost work out better than caricatures, after all.
One thing I'd like to say though is that I'd have liked to see a more drawn out opening. As it is, you lay out the setting a little and immediately jump into the plot and dialogue after that, and it feels a little lost as though you didn't decide on exactly what kind of approach you wanted to have. My personal preference is for the opening to either jump straight into the action or spend more time on making sure the reader knows exactly what's going on, and I think the latter approach would have been better for this particular story.
| cmaej chapter 2 . 11/8/2013
Personifying the sun at the beginning was a nice touch.
"So the winking meant that." Has our wolfboy fallen for the girl, already?
You definitely have a knack for characterization, Loli. In less than 2500 words, I've already fallen in love with Eliott. He's so adorable.
| cmaej chapter 1 . 11/8/2013
I decided to start on this one since it feels close to home, if you know what I mean.
I like the setting; supernaturals living alongside humans, even attending school together, like it's no big deal. I do wonder about Eliott's back story, since you hinted that he doesn't like winter and if he ever had a pack. I also find it amusing that Carrie is taller than him; I don't know why. It's adorable how a guy who seems like he doesn't care is suddenly self-conscious about his ears when a pretty girls comes along.
| True Talker chapter 1 . 10/26/2013
Reading this makes me wonder what will happen in the next chapters.
| ArgentanHeart chapter 1 . 10/26/2013
I liked this chapter a lot. It was really cute. I think the characters have a sweet relationship. I think there is a nice story arc set out in place that could go on throughout the book. I wonder if you could have a bit more description, using the five sences. I personally like a little exosition explaining stuff, like how does your character feel about being a wolf. Is he embarrased by it? In some ways this read more like a script.
I also think you could use a little more of a hook at the start. I'm not a huge fan of starting with a description. I generally like when stories start with a character moment.
But, I did really like the story. I think it's a great start!
| xxxyx chapter 2 . 9/4/2013
The dialogue was better than last chapter. Would really appeal to emotion-oriented readers.
| xxxyx chapter 1 . 9/4/2013
You really have a penchant for popular genres eh?
And you really like winter, huh?
Anyway, there are some awkward phrasings and the kind, but no matter. I know you write better now.
Maybe you can make the dialogues more interesting. They're kinda too straight-forward to my liking, but maybe that's just me. :P
| DutchAver chapter 2 . 8/29/2013
What I forgot to say in my last review - try looking at your first sentence. It's supposed to really draw me in, but 'it was a snowy day' fails to really intrigue me. If you want examples, just Google up 'first sentences'. I think you can do better )
I can't say I really like this chapter as well. I think you're going too fast yet again, because you seem to imply that he's begun to like Carrie in that very short walk they've been having. They've just met and he's already considering to tell her he likes her. Would you be so fast? I know I wouldn't.
Also, the 'lessons' Carrie tries to teach Eliott in that short span of time - that also makes me think like you want to go too fast. I like how you try and describe everything, but describing everything can sometimes really cause pacing problems. My advice is very simple - just rewrite the two chapters so that Carrie and Eliott have met before. I think that then, it'll feel more convincing and we'll feel much more for Eliott because he's falling for his friend and he knows it. I think that would cause a lot more conflict and be more interesting.
Hope I was helpful! Spotted a mistake:
'How we wanted' How HE wanted
| DutchAver chapter 1 . 8/29/2013
I like how, halfway in this chapter, we find out that this story has werewolves - that changes my whole perspective on the story and surprises me. It's like a twist, and that is certainly a good thing.
The dialogue is strong, thus far, and it does seem a lot like real life. Your characters are very much in character, which is good.
But when I look at Carrie, it's her character I don't like. I feel she goes way too fast and is too outgoing and childish to be believable. I mean, they've only just been walking together, and she hears he's a werewolf(and is fine with it... though that might be a world-thing), offers to get him into the school society, and more like that... it seems like she's determined to suddenly let him be her best friend. It doesn't feel realistic, and all in all, it mostly feels annoying to me.
However, I like how you give Elliott depth with his character quirk - he seems a lot more normal, and he seems a lot more likeable than his friend.
Now, let's continue reading...
| TragicStory chapter 2 . 8/16/2013
Hello! ;) As promised, I'm here ;D
Hehehe, anyway, interesting werewolf. Never really read one with a lone werewolf :'3 Oh, but I like Carrie! She's constantly hyper and jumpy! I like that! (Since you know, sugar is a must for us ;))
But maybe use line breaks instead of the dots?
Can't wait to see how Eliott improves his communication with people though! :D
| Synonymous Lovechild chapter 2 . 7/29/2013
I'm jealous of you. You really have a way with words, and even trying to make good descriptions have always been a struggle for me. Haha!I like where its headed, your characters are nicely described and although I can kinda see the highschool loner boy with the overly energetic girl cliché peeping through, I seriously have no problem with it. Good job, and I hope you continue writing this!
| Wallflower.x chapter 2 . 7/17/2013
I absolutely love your description! You have such a talent for it. I really struggle with it.
[It had been a snowy day. But now, the sun had come out, shy at first, but with growing courage. And drop by drop, the ice began melting.] - I absolutely love this beginning of the chapter. I found it so beautifully put... and it seemed almost magical in a way. Really made me excited for the chapter.
I also love the description of the characters walking through the trees!
Once again, I'm loving this
| Wallflower.x chapter 1 . 7/17/2013
I love this. I've never read a supernatural story in this genre on this website before. I particularly like how the supernatural is commonplace in this world, it really sets the story up to be something quite different and really memorable. Already your characters are staying with me, and I'm looking forward to reading more. Please update soon!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 1 . 7/4/2013
This first chapter looks good so far! You've got a nice start and you've allowed the readers to get acquainted with the two protagonists very nicely. I'm curious to see how this story continues, especially with the interesting world you've set up-so despite being a human, Carrie knows about supernaturals? Very interesting... I'm wondering if this has to do something with the world (so I'm excited for more world-building in later chapters). If I have any advice to give, I might say that the chapter could be longer-in that you add more development (descriptions of the scene, a slower pacing) into the scene.
But overall this looks like a great start to what seems to be an interesting story!