|Reviews for Metis Chronicles: Calisto|
| SlashLover chapter 48 . 1/21/2016
That seems like an awful lot of work for sex. So. Much. Work.
| Guest chapter 47 . 1/21/2016
Wow. WTF. I didn't see that one coming. At all.
| SlashLover chapter 43 . 1/21/2016
Hooooootttttt scene. Smexy. I wasn't sure if the sexual connection between them would increase their bond.
I'm enjoying this.
| SlashLover chapter 42 . 1/21/2016
Damn, that was a really hot scene. Super yummy.
| Silverwolf Bombarda chapter 2 . 8/16/2014
Ah sweet denial...very good job
| Silverwolf Bombarda chapter 1 . 8/16/2014
Ohhhh nice narrating I like it
| suicunetobigaara chapter 11 . 8/4/2014
I wonder why they staring at him I wonder? Another great chapter
| suicunetobigaara chapter 9 . 8/4/2014
Lol at Herse, I like him
| Anne Redwood chapter 5 . 8/3/2014
Uh oh. The way Kale keeps cutting people off is a clear warning sign. I don’t see this going well for Metis -_-‘. Run, kid, run!
1: par 5. Why do they still need to sleep if they don’t need to breathe or even blink? 2: par 11. Why did Metis look at Kale if he was just going to focus on the road? 3: par 14 2nd sentence. It seems a bit redundant to say he noticed that the landscape was different than the mountains considering it’s flatland.
How far did they travel? It seems far based on the many terrains they traveled through, but it doesn’t seem very realistic. Even a vampire couldn’t travel that far within one night. Otherwise, I’d say the same grammar comments as previous chapters.
Well done. Hope this helps.
| Anne Redwood chapter 4 . 8/3/2014
House of Castillo? Interesting. Was Castillo the one who turned him or the one that saved him or one we haven’t met? Mysteries 3.
1: Paragraphs 1 and 4 have very similar statements in them about his neighbors hearing his reaction. I’d suggest putting those together and having him escape the house just in time and listening as the villagers react to the mess. One question: why didn’t they search the barn? If I saw something like that, I’d be searching everywhere for the possible murderer as well as Metis since his body was missing. 2: par 29. Why does he trust them? Since you’re writing in first person, take advantage of being able to show the reader his thoughts.
Same grammar comments from previous chapters apply to this one as well.
Hope this helps.
| Anne Redwood chapter 3 . 8/3/2014
Not bad . His reaction to the carnage in his home is very realistic and I love how you say grass has a clear smell; it really helped me imagine fresh and beautiful grasslands.
Not as many suggestions/questions this time round. ;) 1: par 1. 1st sentence. “Metis, stop!” Just a comma insert (grammar thing). No biggie. 2: pars 12-13. You mention that a quick look at his skin confirmed a bad sunburn but the next sentence says that his skin is still pale. Wouldn’t a sunburn be more pink/red, especially for a vampire? 3: par 16. I think that you should move the description of the vampire powers to the beginning where it makes more sense for him to be thinking about strength and speed. At the house you can mention that the changes in his senses are more drastic than he expected because that’s where he’d be more focused on scent.
Just an in general thing, I noticed that you have a lot of short paragraphs. It gives it a bit of a choppy feel and it would flow better if some of the paragraphs were combined, but that’s just a personal opinion, not everyone will think so.
Hope this helps.
| Anne Redwood chapter 2 . 8/3/2014
The plot’s moving at a pretty good pace and Metis’s confusion is relatable. Nicely done
A few minor wording suggestions and general questions. 1: pars 3-5. Some of the descriptions of the sun and the light are a bit difficult to understand. My best suggestion would be to go over it and try to clarify a few things, like the borders of the shadows and why it feels like another world. 2: par 6. I didn’t really understand the sentence where he clenches his fist. Was he trying to break skin or just seeing if his circulation was messed up? 3: par 7. “Even in the darkness…” I can’t tell if you mean the shadows or simply made a mistake and thought it was night. If you meant shadows, I’d just say so instead of saying “darkness” because it’s a bit confusing.
Minor grammar thing. At the end of a sentence in dialogue, unless it ends in an ! or ? or doesn’t have something like “he said” after it, there should be a comma, then the “, then the so-and-so said. Example: “Yeah,” he said. “Something like that.” Vs “Hey!” he yelled. Vs. “What?” he asked. Vs. “I don’t know. Leave me alone.” Also, I noticed that you have a lot of paragraphs in the dialogue. Try to keep the dialogue of each character in one place.
For example. “I need you to trust me,” he said.
I stared at him.
Meeting my gaze, he replied, “Because I’m the only thing keeping you alive.”
Hope this helps.
| Anne Redwood chapter 1 . 8/3/2014
Nicely done. It certainly catches the reader’s attention and the ending encourages the reader to continue. I don’t have too much of a sense for Metis and what he’s like, but I’m curious to learn about him.
I do have a few suggestions on how to rearrange/reword a few sentences to help the story flow better. 1: par 1 2nd– 3rd sentences. “…Amalthea was aware that monsters lurked in its shadows. I had never met a vampire before, but like all the villagers in my hometown of Lysithea, I knew the names of the four most infamous vampires: (names).” This allows you to condense some of the information as well as help the story flow a bit better. 2: pars 2-4 can be rearranged and combined in areas. I would suggest describing the town and the area around it before mentioning that it’s a farming village. When you talk about the size of the families, I’d suggest changing the wording to something like “(mention the farming) As a result, most families had at least ten children to help care for the livestock and work the fields.”
In general, I saw a few minor things that I’d suggest changing. The main thing, though, was that you seem to scatter information around. Personally, I think it’d be best if you grouped all the information that relates to a certain topic together; for example his appearance all in one paragraph or the information about his family (only child, how his parents were distant) together in one or two paragraphs that follow each other. This way topics don’t seem to jump around.
If you have any questions feel free to PM me. Hope this helps.
| ajashire1 chapter 50 . 5/24/2014
I'm very happy with my decision to read this story, because now I'm completely hooked. Looking forward to the squeal.
| ajashire1 chapter 1 . 5/22/2014
Okay I read the first now to read the rest. It looks promising, also I won't review again till the end so... asta LaVista!