|Reviews for Fate of Andell: The Dwelling Uururk War|
| Gorilla0132 chapter 1 . 4/25/2013
Man I’m a sucker for the promise of lore…
[misty mountains] far over….the misty mountains cold…to dungeons deep…
So the first few paragraphs feel more like you’re giving me a history lesson rather than an actual story. If this is the case then you should at least make this a prologue.
[Rat Mounts] fear us! We are unstoppable! Only wedged cheese and giant traps can stop our deadly rat mounts! Mwahahaha!
[Uururk] I have absolutely no idea how to say that so I just read it as “Uruk Hai”
You are greatly inspired by Tolkien. I can plainly see that. But you fall into the pit-trap of all fantasy authors. Clichés. You have dwarves, goblins, even Orcs. Do you have elves too? That wouldn’t surprise me. You need to reinvent Fantasy. We don’t wanna see mountain dwarves and vegetarian elves anymore. We don’t wanna see Dark Lords and orc armies. We want fresh. We want new! Give us what we want!
I can’t say much about the actual content of the chapter. It’s mostly just a backstory for a story I hope will begin to show that it is actually a story. Was this lore really needed in the first chapter, no less? Could you not have spread it through the actual plot? You’re throwing all this info at us and it just doesn’t hook.