Reviews for Long Term Fling
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
The opening you have is really confusing, especially as the main character’s name is Andy which makes it come across, in the first instance, as if she is the man in the opening. The opening doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the rest of the chapter, so you may want to cut it out. And not sure why, but in the first scene with Andy you only refer to her by her name. Not sure if it’s intentional or not, if it is it’s not needed and, again, it’s confusing coupled with the opening scene. You seem to jump a little all over the place in this chapter, moving quite fast before the reader has time to get to grips with the characters you’re introducing. I’d suggest trying to slow the pacing down a bit, maybe spending some time introducing Andy and her situation before throwing in the conflict with her sister and her sister’s husband. There are some spots where it’s just “So-and-so did this. Did that. So-and-so did this…” etc, and I think you might want to read over it to see if you could play around with the sentence structure, to get rid of the repetition. Good luck, and hope this helps.