Best thing EVER

Interesting first chapter. I'm not really sure what tone you are intending for this story. Is it a light-hearted romp, or a more serious adventure? Are there elements of parody or absurdism? Is it children's literature? YA? After reading this chapter I am not really sure. Perhaps deciding what kind of story you would like to tell will help you find a clearer voice and edit down your ideas to just those that "go together." Good luck!

Another well written chapter. I found it interesting. Hmm, humans are the bad guys. LOVE IT. And Ravenous? Oooh, I'm excited to see more of her. She seems interesting. And I love Moon and Paw's relationship, I hope that we can see more of that.

Ohmygosh this is a problem. I've developed an attachment to a fictional character who happens to be a WOLF in the space of five minutes and a chapter. That commends your writing, though, you have to be fantastic (in my opinion) for someone to become that quickly attached to the character. You have my praises for that.

Also, I love that Moon has social anxiety... I like him all the more for it.

Well, I must say I quite enjoyed this chapter. Moon Moon... eh, well, my teacher might just kill me for laughing. It's the perfect way to explain the name, I love it.

There were some issues with switching tenses, and the perspective in the first paragraph was abrut, but other than that it was pretty good.

i think that this story is very shit. and you have put "I'm" when it should be I am

First off, thank you for your review on The Soldier. I love feedback on my work when I get it because most people don't give it! They say "Good chapter" or "Why would you make them do that?" or something along those lines. I agree with all of your statements and will work on changing them soon.

Anyway, onto the review! The first paragraph is very choppy and doesn't flow well. "A proud father stood over his newly born cubs and his mate who was struggling to catch her breath. Her sides were clentched and moved in an unrhythmic pattern. Twins born during the completed lunar cycle are said to bring luck to the pack." You go from cubs to mother to cubs. Maybe talk about the mate first, about whether he loves her, is proud of her, or hates her. Talk about them for a bit and then move on to the cubs in a different section. And aren't mates supposed to be completely devoted to each other? If that's not the case in this story, maybe you should explain that.

The rest flows fairly well and is explained nicely but maybe add a bit of detail. Maybe the size of the pack, description of his surroundings, Thorn's standing in the pack, and maybe even give a description on elders. What are they? What are they there for? That's all very unclear and confusing.

But yeah, great start!

Hopeless

So I was reading this chapter and there were a couple times when you mixed up the tenses (ie. is instead of was). Since your story is told in past tense so you might want to go back and fix that. Also, I noticed that some of your sentences are too short to be standalone sentences. You should replace some of the periods with commas and combine some sentences together.

Also, this part really bothered me. ["Tear, bring the girl," Thorn hissed at his mate.] I don't think he would "hiss" at his mate, particularly one who just had a hard time giving birth to twins. Unless you're implying that Thorn is a harsh and uncaring individual, then I think something more subtle might be more appropriate. I do also feel Thorn's reaction to the Moon Moon name was a bit too dramatic. If you want to have him scream, perhaps it might be better to lead up to it.

But all in all, great start to a story. It's funny how Thorn's pride and joy ended up with a hilarious name like Moon Moon. Must hurt. xD

Oh dear shit is about to get real! Damn humans, I wonder how Thorn will react. Probably badly. Poor Paw, I hope he's alright! And didn't Ravenous just practically save Moon?!

Well, when I looked at this I wasn't sure what to expect, really. Moon moon? Something about wolves? Twilight, even? (God forbid.)
But as I read on, I sort of began to enjoy this.
So yeah, I've never been a huge fan of any of this mystical wolf stuff and I was very, very skeptical of this story at first. Your grammar was really good though, and the story flowed pretty well. I'm not sure why the wolves were talking? Is this fantasy? I mean I guess it is, this would be a pretty boring story without any dialogue. The chapter was relatively short but that does make perfect sense for a prologue.

Moon Moon. At first, I sort of wondered how you would justify that one... but I've got to say, the naming ceremony was pretty well thought out. I found that pretty clever xD

Overall, this has been actually pretty funny, not to mention well-written. I think I enjoyed it a little too much; thanks for the read :D

I think your writing is fun and playful, but there are a couple places where your word-choice fights against you.

[Thorn congested his path.] "blocked" would really work better here.
[Thorn stepped in. "Moon, greet the damn boy."] ...It seems like Thorn would cause a lot of offense calling Howler a 'damn boy' during an official visit in another pack's territory, and right in front of Howler's father. I can't really take Thorn's anger at Moon for spacing out seriously unless Thorn himself takes things more seriously.

Occasionally you refer to eyes as 'orbs' and suggest that they glow, literally. Like flashlights. Might want to find ways to make the glow more figurative, or say that they glow because they are catching the sun/moon/star-light, which would be a pretty image. (And more realistic). I also want to suggest that you stay away from the word 'orbs.' Try discs. The effect is handsomer.

[Paw's eyes began to amble over the dense tree coverage around the field.] Those pesky eyes, always taking walks when they shouldn't. Try 'gaze' instead of eyes to keep his 'orbs' safely in his head. *wink*

Sometimes I found myself wanting you to describe more OF their bodies, and describe more WITH their bodies-their whole bodies. When people talk, they usually hold still and look at each other, and the focus often goes to the eyes. But if you've ever seen a pack of dogs in a field, you'd realize their "conversations" are a lot more energetic, with a lot of moving, scenting, and vocalizing. Wolves even use their fur to show how they feel, bristling it in aggression or flattening it in fear. I want to nudge you in the direction of not letting your wolves stand around so often, simply gazing at things. Get them moving, unless they are lying down exhausted after a hunt.

By the way, how many offspring do your wolves have at once? Back in chapter one, you mentioned that twins were considered a phenomenon, but real wolf litters are seldom fewer than 4 pups- all of them "twins" (or quadruplets, technically)- with a fairly high mortality rate in their early days. If you took details like this into consideration it would really deepen your story and make it easier to get into.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy writing more of this.

Awesome chapter! Poor Moon was all tangled and such! Do update soon!

Oh man, Killer has no control of this class!

Ok, you've introduced some new elements, demons and magic. This is going to take more explanation to make sense. I'm more curious about your world. What are the rules? What are demons. Are all the Demon wolf family shape shifters? Do the other families have talents? Why can they talk?

Not that questions aren't a good thing! They keep readers turning pages, but give me something to hang on to soon, please :)

You definitely moved the plot along here. Again, you packed a lot into a small space. However, I'm feeling a little lost in your world. Can you describe it a little, give us some idea about the terrain, distance, interaction with humans if there are any. How about other animals? Story is feeling thought out, but its sort of floating around in a shadowy world I can't make out. Pin it down please! Thanks!

This chapter brought a lot more characterization to your story. I started to like Moon. I don't like his father, if that's what you intended, you succeeded. He seems more focused on what's good for him and disappointed in Moon for things he never did. Your dialog, especially between Paw and Moon, seemed much more natural than the last chapter.

As for story, I'm confused by the 'title heir' name. What does that mean?

I'm also noticing a very male dominated society here. Almost medieval when it comes to female roles and the control of males. I'm personally wishing that Thorn's mate would just take a snap at him. But that's just me. I like Moon.