|Reviews for The Music Of Love|
| Ciara Darren chapter 1 . 5/4/2013
You did put more effort into this one. I like May, pretty much right off the bat. She obviously is doing her best but on the verge of breaking down. I would like to see where this goes.
As for critic, mostly just in believability. I think you can do everything you want with this story, but consider a few details. Exactly how is she paying for everything. Anyone who's had to pay for a house, car, medical insurance and food know you can't do it on a part time job and go to school. Is May in college, high school? I'm not certain and it will make a difference, to a point.
Also, usually you're released from the hospital after a head injury into someone's care, or at least they want to know who's looking out for you. If she's been out for a week, she was probably in a comma or at least had brain injuries. My sister had a concussion and she was only out for a few seconds but lost six months worth of memories. They came back, but some of them not for months. My grandmother also hit her head, just recently, cracked her skull open and its been a week but she still can't move around without horrible dizziness.
Medical issues are hard to write sometimes, but some quick googling or wikipedia can help a lot.
I smiled when May saw Nick. That felt quite genuine and heart warming. Careful with your run-on sentences. For example, "As she limped to the truck, which was damaged but not terribly, she noticed Nick standing by the door (break it here). He was waiting with a very worried expression on his face." That flows better. There's a few others, but you'll come to notice them in time. If you can't read it in one breathe, it should be broken down into smaller sentences. Good rule of thumb.
Looking forward to the next chapter. _