|Reviews for Electricity|
| doc2or chapter 4 . 1/19/2015
This is a great story, love your sense of humor. I hope you continue it, thank you.
| Y. S. Wong chapter 4 . 12/23/2014
Don't mind me, just catching up on stories I've been putting off reading for the past year.
Ken tickling the baby's feet eerily reminds me of Thundy. Ugh, I just threw up a little.
Poor Kazsu Roll loves his oysters
Poor Kazsu Roll about to get castrated. The worst fate ever.
Kenji sounds just like Edge.
"He flung himself at him." SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF MAE'S YAOIS.
The best way to protect one's jewels is with a dragon, Kazsu Roll.
Every time I hear the word "Hirokicchi" I think of Katsu saying it.
"Every time he glanced to the left... pledging their vows to one another." This might be one of my favorite paragraphs that you've ever written.
CLIFFY! I don't mind that development, though. Kazkura is OTP.
The pacing in that last scene moved a little too fast for my liking, though.
| Lord Slayer chapter 4 . 3/7/2014
Well, well, well, Kazuo. What are you going to do now? Poor guy.
| Ereh chapter 4 . 3/4/2014
About time you update, Jax! Eri is happy! *w*b
Kenji! You are the most idiot, yet best wingman ever! You damn wizard! Use your magic to start your own harem! XD
Man... why do you make Sakura so moe?! I'm still sticking to Reina no matter what. Best girl right there. But she's now engaged. *sobs* No romansu taimu for Hirokicchi and Ice Queen anymore.
Oh well, there's always Nakano. *w*
| kingofe3 chapter 4 . 3/4/2014
Thank you, Senpai for finally updating this story and choosing the "Pure Love" route with the couple. Welcome to the Yuri club! o3o7 /shotandkilled (I think I'm a bit confused on some of the relationships to be honest).
Good chapter overall. Kaz(u) is getting screwed on so many sides it's funny.
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 4 . 3/4/2014
Kenji such a caring babysitter. The girls would probably flock all over him now, if he wasn't such a idiot. Oh well, he can continue shouting his 'avada kedavra' curses to his love life *w*
Dat oyster reference. You are determined to stir my horrible memories, aren't you? ;(tilde);
I am really tempted to voice Mai-chan's lines the more I read her dialogue. I think I'm a very disturbed individual.
And there goes Hi-chan's chansu to rekindle his past lust with Ice-chan.
| Krozam chapter 3 . 2/11/2014
Oh boy... This is good. Great material for a VN, should we decide to experiment with this.
Each chapter is funnier than the last. The characters are stereotypical so far, but that's fine for a fast-paced comedy like this. I like the main character, he's likeable, (mostly) sensible, and, well, not pathetic like most harem leads. Makes for a good tsukkomi.
Just one little nitpick. In the first chapter: "They have reference books and are writing a report. You are not." I'm not sure if this is grammatically correct, but it sounds strange in my ears. I'd use "You do not", referring to the first part of the previous sentence instead of the second. But maybe that's just me.
| DappledKarma chapter 3 . 12/26/2013
Whoa, didn't see that coming. I almost forgot about lost girl - and to find out that she's related to Reina... sucks to be Kazuo. (Or... does it?) XD
Ugh, harems... not my thing, but this is an enjoyable story. Will read more if more comes.
| DappledKarma chapter 2 . 12/26/2013
I love drunk Nakano, her slurs were perfect. xD And haha, can't wait to find out how Kenji got himself into babysitting. Now, onwards to who naked girl is!
| DappledKarma chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
I was constantly chuckling throughout this. Kenji is just so hilarious. It helps that the way you wrote this gives it a strong cartoonish/anime-esque feel, while also keeping it fairly in the bounds of reality. Kudos. Definitely gonna read all of this.
And dat glossary. I learned new terms (goukon and dogeza). Thank you, Jax-chan! XD
| Unweighted Book Author chapter 3 . 10/18/2013
I feel like the pacing is a little rushed, at this point, since you jump so quickly from one bed scene into another, so to speak. However, I also want to stress that objectively speaking, I don't believe this to be that much of a problem. It's a difficult problem to describe, but basically I believe that it's a sign of weakness in an author's writing if everything happens too quickly. There are almost always more important uses of words than advancing the plot if you're going so fast, because you're probably neglecting something. Character development, description, humour...It's something worth thinking about, I think. On the other hand, since we're talking about a story on FP, it's not as much of a worry since readers have notoriously short attention spans.
Nice little contrast laid out between the two sisters. Reina comes across as a strong character without being overly belligerent or controlling and I think that's a very good thing. Interesting end to the chapter, I'm starting to wonder if you're just going to keep using bed scenes as pivot points in your story.
| Unweighted Book Author chapter 2 . 10/17/2013
'Happy Happy Fun Show myself out of here' is probably the best example of wordplay I've seen on FP. It's really curious why I like that particularly phrase so much, but it just seems like such a neat joke to me and strikes me as something a Japanese character might actually think of, so kudos for that.
I think the small section in the middle with Kazuo waking up could have been a little clearer. Normally I wouldn't gripe about something like this but you didn't really set the scene up in this chapter again, which makes jumping to that scene rather disorienting. For a book this wouldn't be a problem, but it's something that could be an issue on FP.
I like that you're developing Kenji's own mini subplot. This kind of best friend character gets ignored too often, so it's a good sign that you're planning to do something with him.
| cud-b-better chapter 3 . 8/24/2013
Well I was right about who the girl was, but I didn't expect her to be the ice queens sister. And some character history for kazuo was very good.
Favourite quote in series so far:
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Just let me find my pants."
Anyway overall opinion from what I read thus far: extremely entertaining, but it seems that every heroine already has some sort of history with kazuo. When it comes to harems I usually find that my favourite character is the one the mc meets within the series (ie the childhood friend is always my least favourite). So here is me hoping he meets at least one girl he didn't know prior to the premise.
Just one correction: "Whoever she was, she clearly recognised him. Kazu, on the other hand, had absolutely idea who she was." - You need to add a 'no' between 'absolutely' and 'idea'. Sorry for nitpicking, *cud is reflecting*
Just one question: Just what is 'Electricity'? - I'm guessing it is not referring to the thing that powers appliances. Is it some sort of drinking contest or something?
Anyway long story short, I'm enjoying it!
| cud-b-better chapter 2 . 8/24/2013
Hmm, can't say I know what this electricity game actually is, does this mean I'm an idiot? Anyway really curious regarding the reason his best friend is babysitting when he seemed the type who would drag himself there even if he were half dead. He even went as far as to sell out his own friend.
*Reads author notes*
Identity revealed? I got a feeling I know who it is going to be already though.
| cud-b-better chapter 1 . 8/24/2013
Amusing start, nothing worse than almost doing it with a trap. His friend is a bit of the stereotypical best friend who has no luck with women archtype. I like that you left some japanese terms in it as well.
I think just one minor error I noticed. "No way in hell, Kenji. Do you remember what happened last time you I let you drag me to one of those things? Do you?!" - Take out the 'you' between 'time' and 'I'
Swiftly carries on...