Ooh, nasty Thorne! I have to say, I found no typos in this chapter, and was pleased to note that there was far more in the way of characterisation and feelings being described rather than shown. Well done!

All I can really say on the negative side of things is that this chapter is VERY short. Some people on here will refuse to read some chapters that are that short. I'm not saying that to be a prat, its a sad truth. However, this is a great piece of work overall and I can't wait for you to update!

A thrilling start to this story - lots of action, lots of suspense, lots of desire to carry on reading! To put it in perspective, this is the second story I have ever added to my favourites. For those of you who are going to check my profile and see there are four entries to my favourites, the other two are poems.

I like the almost schizophrenic aspect to Liana/Eviana, and the hints of the arcane are very intriguing. The tall man introduced at the end of the chapter is very interesting - is he good, or is he malign?

On a more negative note, there was little in the way of emotions in this - you told us what they felt as opposed to describing it. There were also a couple of grammar mistakes - in the first paragraph, you capitalised the words "grey" and "laurel" when they were just nouns - only capitalise if it is a person or a place. Quite humorously, in the third to last paragraph, you inadvertently convert Liana/Eviana's hand into a large serpent - "digging her pale fingers into his windpipe with a boa constrictor killing her prey".

Edit out these mistakes and this will be one of the strongest opening chapters I have read in a long while!

Well done and keep up the good work!