Reviews for Convict's Blood
Timbo Slice chapter 4 . 11/21/2014
It's been a while since I read this! As before your prose is not only consistent in detail and grammar but having a child's narration coupled with the regional dialect of eay 20th century Australia really gives this piece an original voice. I liked how you portrayed the differences between Pa and Uncle Levi as well because it's interesting to think how differently things would've played out if it was Pa who was the one to almost shoot Alice in the field (spoiler alert: more beatings!) Uncle Levi is like the cool uncle you can confide in which is a stark difference between the strict displinarian that Pa is. Speaking of Pa even he had some redeemable qualities in this chapter with his sacrifice to make sure that his family could lead a comfortable life, both financially and socially. The last line really nails his characterization down perfectly as a man who would do anything for his family, even if it means giving his own life...
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 9 . 9/25/2014
So I am reaching the point where I just want to continue reading, and then review because I'm tired and again, there are so many things in my head XD. But that's a good thing, because it only means I'm enjoying this story, and I'm getting engrossed :D So let's start with the writing, because I don't think I commented on this for the last chapter, and in this chapter, I noticed – again – how good it is. I mean I always tend to do that, but in this chapter there were a few choice descriptions that I genuinely liked. I especially like the scenery description in the beginning, because it was vivid and also breezy and light. It just set the tone well, and also helped give me an understanding where the chapter was taking place. But I also really enjoyed the descriptions of Mary-Ellen's house. Again, your descriptions were breezy and light, but also helped to make me understanding just what kind of person Mary-Ellen was and what her situation in life is like (I'm mixing tenses, but don't hold it against me: I'm too tired to give a damn XD). Hehe, I really like Mary-Ellen :D She's a really classy lady, but also decisive and knows how to make Grandfather feel flustered. Not bad, I tell you, not bad!

Anyhow, I really liked the opening conversation/interaction between Alice and her grandfather. There's just something sweet about his calming down her fears about the dog and later praising her for following orders. I was worried that he was going to beat her up (like he'd implied in the last chapter), but was really pleasantly surprised when he decided to take her to Mary-Ellen. I think his motives and his heart are in the right place, you know? He might be a ruffian, and he might have been a forceful and even bad father, but he clearly wants the best for Alice (even if he's telling that she must obey orders and be proper). I think that shows genuine love for her, the better part of me thinks. The darker implications could be that he just wants her to be a proper lady, but then again, if he only cared about that, he wouldn't want her to leave, I think. Haha, sorry: I just am thinking/wondering about him.

What I am really wondering more about though is what his relationship with Mary-Ellen is. At first, I thought she was his girlfriend/maybe side-mistress while he was married (but I shot that down quickly, the mistress thing, I mean – he seems to have been very devoted to Margaret after all). Later, you clearly implied that he starting growing close to her after Margaret's death, which makes me think that she is his current girlfriend/companion/friend. I like how you establish that through a few clever cues like her referring to him being to play on the piano and singing well. It's sweet to see how this affects Grandpa and how it shows that he's far more than a ruffian, after all (even if he doesn't want anyone else to know about his accomplishments as a singer). In fact, as an addendum to the second paragraph of this review: I am starting to think that he's a rather harmless old man, full of the right intentions and easily made into a sweet man in the presence of a good woman. I think – if he was violent towards his sons after their mother's death – it was because of grief.

Which brings me to another point: I really wonder why he's saying that his sons hated him after their mother's death. There's something to this, and the implications are driving me crazy: maybe it's time for me to re-read :D? That's really why I hate playing for the games, sometimes: it makes me read with large lags in between and makes me so inattentive to the whole picture sometimes. And for a story like yours that is so clearly built on small hints, which I love, you really need to be reading between the lines and very carefully. But yes, I liked the whole conversation about him being 'ashamed' of his sons and grandchildren and Mary-Ellen later shooting him down for it. I really liked the part where she called Alice a 'brighter than any flower in her garden'. It was really sweet, and for a child like Alice – who I think is a bit deprived of a woman's love, very important.

And yes, I really like Mary-Ellen, because she's the only one so far who really can make Grandpa feel flustered. Not only because she's elegant, but also because she chides him for his bad grammar. I like how Grandpa seems to realise this, by indirectly telling her that he was hoping she would help him with tutoring Alice. Haha, I like how he doesn't necessarily care about her being a lady XD, which seems to be a bit pointless when comes to Mary-Ellen. We know that she's going to try and turn Alice into a little lady :D BUT and that is what really makes me love Mary-Ellen: I like that she gave Alice a choice. I like that, because it makes her more than just a tutor, it makes her a potential friend who will respect Alice's wishes. She also treats Alice like an individual who has the right to make her own choices. Up till now, I get the feeling that Alice was only always ordered around, so it's nice to see that she's finally being treated like someone who does have a right to live her own life. I do get the feeling that this might become something of a conflict later on: her grandfather clearly thinks he knows what's best.

...I gotta end this now, because I'm tired, and it's 'Breaking Bad' time (or just bed-time XD). Anyhow, I'm really open to reviewing more of this, or just reading more, because this is such a good story too :)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 8 . 9/25/2014
So many things to talk about in this chapter, and I'm not really sure where to start XD. But I'll try – for the sake of being, you know, helpful. Or at least, verbose XD. So ...child-bearing scenes are always hard to write, but I think they are even a level harder when you're writing them through the eyes of a child. I think you did really well – what with Alice clearly not knowing what's going on at first. I like how she thought – because she'd relate it to her own experiences, of course – that Boronia had just wet herself because of a nightmare. It shows how innocent Alice is, but it also makes her a sweet child who genuinely worries about others. What I also like is that you kept the scene very tasteful, even when you went ahead and described it – with carefully picked details that were realistic but still appropriate. I especially liked that Alice ran away when she saw all the blood; I felt that was a very natural reaction. What I also liked was the dialogue leading up to the whole event of her witnessing the pregnancy: her grandfather talking about/complaining how long it was taking, and how his Margaret hadn't needed that long. It was a bit awkward I think, but that made it realistic. It's just the kind of thing you'd expect him to say: something so prejudiced and also a bit out of place. Am I making sense? XD. I'm just saying that it's a fantastic moment, because it shows how a) he's so prejudiced against poor Boronia and b) how he did love Margaret (especially because he referenced to her as 'my'). Also, I love that Levi was so helpful throughout this whole ordeal; he really is a very helpful person.

I really liked that Alice no longer was scared of the child once it was cleaned up and all pretty and cute. Again, it shows what a warm child she is, being able to get over her fear to embrace the good in life. This innate goodness in her is shown so clearly when she overhears Levi and her grandfather taking about Boronia having to leave. Like most of your scenes in this story, it has darker implications, but I like how you always tell it through the eyes of a child (things are only hinted at, with a lot of the darker elements only being slowly unravelled). Anyhow, what I like about this scene is how it shows that a) Levi and her grandfather share a complicated relationship, b) how the grandfather used to be intimidating (and still can be), c) how Alice is traumatised by her father being so aggressive towards her, d) how the hatred her grandfather has against the Andersons is deffo because of some event in the past and e) how they really have no other choice but to send Boronia away. Just look at my listing and see that I could analyse this scene till tomorrow, just because of its full thematic scope and just how much you managed to pack into it :D Despite that, you manage to keep it breezy and easy to read – which is really a feat. Those are the kind of scenes that I enjoy the most: they seem really light on the onset, but are so full of important details that are not only plot-relevant but flesh the characters out.

So, about the grandfather: I get the idea that he's an impulsive man now who not only craves respect, but is implied to have been violent towards his sons in the past. I like how Levy no longer seems scared of him though, but is wiling to talk back to his father. I like too how Levi seems to represent safety to Alice, which is shown nicely in the moment where she flees to him for comfort when her grandfather says he will 'teach her respect' (*rolls eyes*). Levi is a realy nice man, I have to say – not only for berating his father for trying to threaten Alice with corporal punishment, but also telling Alice roughly what's really going on. Of course, he cannot tell her everything, but he makes it clear to here that they really have no other choice but to send Boronia away. I think that this – this having no choice – really shows how helpless Levi is, in the light of a racist society and their family already having poor standing. Of course, there is more social commentary to this scene, but I am honestly tired and don't think I could ever really give you an interpretation that would give this scene full justice anyway XD. But you have clearly researched your stuff, and that's impressive.

Plot-wise, I'm really getting curious as to how this story will evolve :3
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 7 . 9/25/2014
To be honest, I'm not very fond of the EF review structure either, so I'll just roll out the review I'd do outside of the games XD. The general impressions of this chapter, outside of the questions, is that it flows very smoothly, and that I can read it in bed, with a bit of headache, very easily without feeling like having to grit my teeth or getting irritated at some awkward wording. That's ...generally speaking a very good thing :D But more than that, I like how you use pronouns in this fic: I don't think I ever mentioned it before, but by having Alice address/devote the story to her grandfather, you give this story a peculiar atmosphere. It kind of also implies just how important this man was/is to her. I also enjoy the shorter chapters, because it fits the letter/diary structure a lot better (if I'm wrong here, please don't kill me). Okay, that's it for the general impressions: good writing, interesting point of use and a plot that moves well along, because it never gets too dragging or overwhelming.

In this chapter, I really got a keen sense of Alice's being a very observant child: even unusually so. I tend to think that children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, but Alice is really good at catching all the tensions that her grandfather and uncle both feel. I really like how you describe her analysing their body language, because it shows how perceptive she is. There are also small passages I really enjoy how she wishes Levi were her father, and how she can see the likeness between the two of them. Again, it just says so much about their relationship. More than that passage, though, I really liked the interplay between Levi and her grandfather: the way Levi is protective against bashing Boronia, and the way her grandfather insists that they are bad people. It's a really complicated conflict, but I enjoy the fact that you present these differing views so clearly and compellingly. I like that Alice herself remains unbiased.

I also liked the conversation that followed after that 'argument': her grandfather telling her to leave and her consequently saying she'd taking him with her was sweet - genuinely sweet. It's a dark scene in context, because you hint at so many things here, but it's sweet because of how much they both love each other clearly. I also really liked the scene that followed, with Boronia. Again, the dark things are very much implied, but it manages to be a badass scene, because of the Grandfather not approving a bastard like Adam. I like how he shows that he doesn't approve rape, never minding the fact that he doesn't like Bornonia anyhow. The ending line of dialogue is particularly striking.

O1: Do I think it was hypocritical? I'm not actually sure, really. I didn't consider that when reading it, and now ...I'm just not really sure. I think most people are hypocritical to a default, and what this lines shows me is that he's simply prejudiced. Given the time and context of this story, I would say that his behaviour is pretty 'normal' though: racism was common at that time and fear of the 'the Other' just showed itself this way. I respect the Grandfather for still having the decency to dislike Adam more than Boronia.

O2: Pretty much, yes. I see it as a way for him looking out for his family, and having a general mistrust towards anything that is different. It's also a common reaction of someone who's still missing his 'homeland' (even if it be imaginary). The new country is full of dangers, and so I think that him missing Britain/wanting Alice to go there is very much realistic, just like his hatred of coloured and the Aboriginals.

Q3: I pretty much liked it! :D It shows that he's able to get over his hatred of her, and see how things really were. Its shows that he's got a lot of decency in his bones - he dislikes rape even more than bastards like Adam. It makes him noble - maybe a bit in the old-fashioned way, but then again, nobility is very much associated with the British (so hey, it fits him :D).
Timbo Slice chapter 3 . 7/22/2014
Once again, I really like the regional dialect and accent of the characters that really gives this story a unique flare that's highlighted by the colorful (no pun intended) characters but I did notice a couple of typos that could easily be overlooked in the style of language you use, so be careful of that.

Another thing I didn't like is that since the story basically takes place as a flashback, you leave very little room for the immediate, emotional based context we should be seeing in the story. Don't get me wrong you have a consistent prose to go along with an interesting story but the fact that the narrator is basically just retelling it takes you out of the moment of that character, like when she got a whupping from her pa, we were just told about it rather than just experiencing it through her eyes. Also I found the second person to be a little confusing at first but maybe that's because I'm just slow. lol

I'm pretty sure you can still inject a proper emotional context with enough tension and buildup to overcome any shortcomings of your preferred writing style though!
Jitterbug Blues chapter 6 . 7/22/2014
I am on the tablet, so I will only indirectly refer to your questions. I liked the length of the chapter - it contained thee necessary amount of information and that made the scene seem genuine. Anything longer would have just sucked the emotion out of this scene.

I limed the take on the Boronia Serpent. It was clear but not too blatant, making the scene creepier and sadder. It is what is not being sad that hurts.

I definitely felt it was a coping mechanism and I liked that because it showed how strongly the rejection of reality is in the scene. It feels very realistic.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/19/2014
Finally! An Australian Story!
Illitya chapter 2 . 7/14/2014
Having studied racism against Aboriginals i can see you've captured the anger and thought trails of a victim quite well, also, i enjoy your fetching descriptions of the landscape. But my favorite thing about the story so far is your ability to write, so i can jump into Alice's shoes, feel her fear, excitement or even stubbornness.
I hope you keep writing!
Jalux chapter 4 . 7/10/2014
Yeah my dislike for Pa grows more and more every chapter; I get that times are tougher back then but it's no excuse to essentially force Alice to be nice to him out of a fear of a beating. Anyways I did like the segment where Alice wants to see the crocs, it's a nice way to show her curiosity and thirst for adventure. And the extra insight into Uncle Levi's relationship with her is nice, it's almost like he represents the more exciting part of her life while Pa represents the harshness and discipline.

And honestly Pa ditching at the end is expected, at first I thought of him as pretty selfless but honestly the more I read the more I think his love for Alice really isn't that much and part of the reason he does all this good stuff and all is to honestly make himself not a laughing stock, to be better. But that's just my opinion. All in all, really good stuff here.
alltheeagles chapter 14 . 7/10/2014
For the RG EF

I like how Uncle Levi is trying to keep Alice innocent by not telling her what Adam might really be after. It's a contrast to Grandpa, who I suspect will have no problem spelling it out to Alice. However, the irony is that Grandpa might serve Alice better with such forthrightness than Uncle Levi's approach. At the moment, I like Uncle Levi the best among the adults, because he's portrayed as an upright man who cares for his family as well as for the downtrodden Aboriginals. However, he isn't made out to be perfect either, and that makes him more believable.

Typos: MIGHTY nice, get TOO rough
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 5 . 7/10/2014
Ohhh, you've got questions :D I'll answer them after I am done with the review proper. So, as always, I really love your writing: it's one of the most vibrant, fluid things I've read at the games, and I really jump at the chance to review you every time, because I know that your stuff is veritably readable and good. But I told you that countless time, so ...

I like how you handle racism in this chapter, especially by relating it to Alice's friend Umoreo. I like that it's handled implicitly, by having her ask questions like why they can't get married or people frowning at them when they are playing 'family' openly. It says a lot, it says a lot that Alice says he has 'dirty skin' ): Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that your handling of the subject matter is vastly appropriate for this story, because it's not directly mentioning, showcasing that Alice is still not mature enough to realise the full implications of why Umoreo is so deplored for his race, and why his family has to live in the cabins rather than with her. It's just a constant reminder of how children are often only dimly aware of what's going on.

I also like how you refer to the matter of rape via imagery/terming him a 'white' snake. To the adult reader, it's clear what happened to Umoreo's sister, but to a child like Alice it's not. I like that she doesn't quite buy her friend's story and feels confused - of course she would. And, of course, Umoreo wouldn't be able to relate to what really happened, because he's still too young to fully understand what happened, but not as innocent as Alice anymore. He knows that something bad happened, and he's scared ): Anyhow, I like this bit for its realism.

Man, I think Adam is creepy. I like how you demonstrate this by him so blatantly manipulating Aiice D: I fear for her though; I don't think he's got anything good in mind for her, and he's only exploiting her innocence by telling her that he has horses she could play with it. Don't go there, Alice - ever! Anyhow, I just like how dark your story is, without it ever being in yer face about it. It just fits the narration of Alice's.

*I do understand what 'dirty skin' means, yes. At least, I know it's an unfortunate remark.
*Yes, he was referring to rape.
*I think Adam has nothing good in mind.
*Yes, I did ):.
Jalux chapter 3 . 7/8/2014
I really, really like the description of Jesse as that brat, it's so well done and really everyone has met someone like that so it just makes Alice more easy to relate to and the eventually throwing of the stick rather just completes the picture we have of Jesse. That being said I don't really like Pa as much this chapter, not because you wrote him badly but because he comes off as a very angry and bitter father in this chapter compared to the more caring one we saw in the last. I like the ending how Alice hears Pa talking about how he doesn't want her to know about her mother and Alice crying about it, it's really saddening and makes you the reader wonder when and how she'll meet her mother (I have no doubt it will happen given this chapter). All in all, really good scene setting and plot development.
Trishilish chapter 8 . 7/8/2014
Boronia's reaction to her baby is so sweet: when she's saying thank you and how she named her after the sun, perhaps to help eclipse the dark details of the conception. It seems that she's coming out of her situation like a champion, of sorts, instead of a victim. It's a brave face to put on; I'm liking her character a lot so far. In spite of Grandpa, I hope she sticks around.
I really like your writing this chapter, it's seamless and consistent and gives us a nice balance of detail and dialogue.
So, we're a few chapters in, and I'm really enjoying Convict's Blood. For me, it's very slice of life and all the more interesting because I don't see a lot of that on fiction press. Every chapter you give us has a clear conflict that Alice tends to learn from. I am really enjoying growing up with her and reading about her world through her, childish, eyes.
Persevera chapter 3 . 7/8/2014
This was a really sad chapter. One got the feeling that Alice could only be happy when she was alone...or her father was in a good mood.
[ just the sounds of our rusted forks scrapping against old plates.]- I think you mean scraping, one 'p'.
Pa seems to be a lot less likable in this chapter. I guess the belt was inevitable after the encounter with Adam and his father earlier that day. That must be why he didn't listen to her side of the story, just put her over his knee.
It's an interesting, complex cast of characters, trading good traits and bad. Seth is hot-tempered but charitable to the blacks. The grandfather is considerate of her, but pretty strong in his prejudice.
I like that she talks to her dead grandfather in part of the narrative. It allows for more affection for his actions to come through. I don't know though if it would be as easy to follow along if I hadn't read the story previously so already had a frame of reference for him.
I love the expression the moon take over for the sun. Somehow it sounds more working class than other ways it might have been phrased, and therefore, perfect for young Alice.
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 4 . 7/8/2014
Oh wow. Really, just oh wow. I really, really love the writing in this story – I know I say that about a trillion times, but I do. It’s so vivid when it has to be, especially when it comes to outdoor activities and the landscape. I actually feel like being outside while reading this story, and this chapter was no different – I appreciate the vivid quality of your descriptions, and the way those details infuse this chapter with so much life. I feel that’s an important thing, especially since you are dealing with childhood, and it’s many, many facets – innocence, slowly growing up, curiosity and so forth.

What I really like about this chapter is how, yet again, demonstrate Alice’s innocence and her tomboyishness. She’s an impatient but not a mean-spirited child: she just wants to have fun, while being a good daughter (cause she fears her father’s beatings). I really like those qualities, because they make her a well-rounded character. I especially like how she’s bound to her family, which is demonstrated by the love for her father, uncle and the ‘grandfather’ (I think!). You can tell that she wants to spend time with them, and you can tell that she does everything in her power to make her grandfather feel loved/appreciated. I liked that because it was heart-warming, even though he was repeating himself and probably telling her a bunch of lies. But she’s still engrossed in his tales, and you can tell that she’s really fond of him. What I do like is how this chapter also includes a lot of family teasing, like them making fun of the old man’s wooing of the ‘grandmother’.

Hehe XD. I do like how the grandfather is telling her all those dirty things, even though he really shouldn’t XD. But I can see his logic there :D I kind of like it too because it gives this a story a very rough and tumble feel that I can really appreciate (it also fits with the tone of this story, which is very natural).

I really love the darker moments in this story, like the last scene. It’s not over the top or melodramatic, but touching and saddening, because you make it real. Your emotions are understated and that makes them precious. I cannot really tell you more than that – more than that the last scene was very well-written :3
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