|Reviews for The Legend of a Traitor|
| Bastard From North chapter 21 . 6/18/2015
Come on! A cliffhanger this big? XD
Well, for the moment being I try to not get overpowered by the cliffhanger XD
I really liked this story as well, I think it is as good as the first one :D
The way you wrote it was great, a good humor instead of those more
" movie " style stories :D I think that is rather unique and I really like it :D
I have nothing to complain about and I still apologize for my late appearance :P
I hope to have more time when you upload so I can review the same day you
put up a new chapter like I usually do :D
Anyways, I think this story series has been great and I have enjoyed every
chapter so far :)
See you again :D
| Bastard From North chapter 20 . 6/18/2015
I guess that is all the explanation we need for Lisa/Lyra? :D
But it's kinda odd that their behavior also came with the powers :P
Or I just forgot something very important O.o
Anyways, a great chapter again :D
| Bastard From North chapter 19 . 6/18/2015
I like that when you make epic scene ( Like the attempting to run over a giant, " werewolf " thingy? XD )
You make it first seems like in the movie ( badass music, a short moment of silence and then the action ) but instead of all that he fails XD It kinda gives a small feeling of reality :D
I really like that style in the story :D
I wonder what happened to the " werewolf " thing, it just left like " Screw this, I'm outta here " XD
So some kind of magic trick by someone? Or is it controlled O.O
Well, at least I can figure that out soon :D
Great chapter and I like your sense of humor XD
| Bastard From North chapter 18 . 6/8/2015
I like Jake, so reckless XD
Though I would know how to drive a motor bike I am not
exactly "great" at it XD
I actually attempted to kick a car once but it was just out of reached,
damn granny almost drove over me :D
So it wasn't my fault! O.O I was the victim! XD
I am actually glad that you decided that they would steal a motorbike,
one of the coolest things to do ( Though not a right thing to do,
motor bikers respect each others for the most part :D )
Anyways, great motorbike destruction chapter! And ruining kids
birthday party thing :D I feel like te kid has a place n the future or the story...
| Bastard From North chapter 17 . 6/8/2015
So, first of, I am very sorry for being this late, :/
I have been busy and catching up the stories has been
hard so I had to leave them be for a moment but I suppose
now I have the change to catch up :P Sorry for being late :P
Well, Lira should plan the whole murder thing all over again...
If you want someone dead, just kill them when they are sleeping :D
But then again, she has them senses of wolf...
Though acting all good and noble did work quite well XD
I wasn't expecting that it was the assumed " bad guy " to be
the good guy in the end :D
And that is the reason we get fooled so easily XD
Anyways, this has been a great chapter and I try to read more chapters tonight :P
See ya again :)
| Tumnus chapter 18 . 4/26/2015
I may not have spotted any mistakes because I'm too exhausted to look or because there wasn't any. I particularly like the car kicking section with Jake's comment about camp. I'm surprised at how quickly he figured out the clutch and gears etc., but maybe superpowers and growing up running away from stuff(?) made him good at adapting. There would probably have been a car avaliable had they looked - maybe consider that a motorbike would be faster/not need fuel as often as an upside rather than just it being available? (you don't have to change anything though, it's fine the way it is).
Overall, I really liked this chapter - maybe because it didn't have plot, so the characters didn't feel like they were being forced into plot convenience (I bet Jake would rarely do anything plot productive unless it was necessary).
On an unrelated note, are you going to update the story picture at any point?
| Bastard From North chapter 16 . 3/16/2015
Waaaaait, so the good side was actually the bad one? O.o Or are they both bad now? :D
True, if something you see is going to happen in future there really isn't anything you can do to stop it from happening :D At least I suppose so XD The whole time thing can be confusing :D
Really enjoyed the chapter :) And sorry for late reply, I've been lazy lately :P
But great chapter! And I have to ask since this story is nearing the ending ( I ask this pretty much every author I like :D ) are you planning any new stories in the future? :P
| Tumnus chapter 15 . 3/8/2015
I'm so amazing :P But in all seriousness, I apologise for not being able to throughly spell/grammar check your stories - I barely have enough to read them, let alone inspect them. However, thanks for finally calling him Jake - I suppose you could have made more of a deal out of it, but I'm glad it's done now. Also, it's sweet that Sarah and Adam have their own story, but you'd better not start writing that :P (you still have Legend and Guardians to think about, let alone Nebulae and that other thing. However, you should consider a more permanent writing schedule - a good story, even if you do go back and rewrite it, means very little if people eventually get fed up with waiting for the updates. You could always consider a small amount, twice a week? Just some sort of promise that you WILL DEFINITELY keep writing - you don't want us to end up like DNAngel fans (waiting here forever...)
A lovely chapter - magically drying your hands in a great mundane use for awesome cosmic powers, which I like. However, Adam doesn't seem to understand how to make tea for adventurers - if it can be described as 'pale', he needs to put the teabag back in, to allow proper diffusion of caffeine and stuff. But that's pretty insignificant.
| Bastard From North chapter 15 . 3/8/2015
I see... So they were bitten by those ants also and I suppose that they have something to do with the death of that skeleton guy... O.o
Those kind of healing powers would be cool :D Would make every ones life a ton easier :D
And here I was wondering if Jake would be worried over his axe... XD I mean come on! That huge thing is awesome :D
Shadow following them, BUT I am sure it is someone else besides the creepy Lira O.o
So if there is another shadow, who is this shadow? Mysteries...
Great chapter again! :) I wasn't sure if I should send more pm's since I feel like I send too much them :D And I am not going to drop my cat or my mug O.O Their mine! XD
| Bastard From North chapter 14 . 1/9/2015
Sorry that I am late from the party! :D
I've been having some technical issues with this site for what ever reason :P
A new charter! Yay! :D
Well, it does make sense that Jake's bag is the most resistant to flames :D
Would be bad if he would end up in flames :P Must suck to share a tent with him
knowing that anytime he could burst into the flames :D
Still no much information about Luke, huh? Come on Luke, soften up
a little! :D
Can't wait till the next chapter! :)
( And I'll continue reading the Nebulae when I have more time, I haven't read more than one chapter :P )
Merry Christmas and happy new year! :)
| Tumnus chapter 14 . 1/6/2015
I laughed at some points. Good job. Also, you never thank me for telling you to get your butt in gear and write something! If all it takes is reminders, I'll make sure to encourage you every time we talk :) In other news, a couple of lapses with comma use - for instance, in the sentence 'Lira and I spent the time Luke was away map-stealing, lifting Jake back onto my back' you either don't need the comma or you need another one before 'map-stealing'. There were a couple of sentences like that, but it's nothing major. Also, it still feels a little weird that she's calling him 'jacob' in speech and 'jake' in text, though I get that's because she's talking in the present about the past, so she doesn't call him by his nickname yet. It's a bit late to explain it now, but maybe add something earlier briefly mentioning it, even if you're not explaining it yet? In case people forget who 'jacob' is, or get confused of why she keeps calling him that. In a not necessarily a criticism, the third paragraph seems to consist of three sentences which all have the same structure of ' bad something something BUT good blah blah'. If this was deliberate, good job. If not, then try not to fall into a pattern of repetitive sentences. Because I feel like you're going to take this whole review as mean, the bit about a teenager carrying a sword (and another teenager) and the (not literally). hovering. Also, you should know that I enjoy reading your stuff and I might draw you a picture sometime when I'm not working or procrastinating.
| Bastard From North chapter 13 . 9/17/2014
Waaaait a minute, did Luke just grin/smile? :O Is he getting the thing called... emotions!? Who possessed Luke who doesn't have feelings of any kind? Damned bugs gave him emotions...
Fear giving ants? I never liked ants because one time I stood in their nest and off course I was the
victim of ant attack :D But those ants... Just no, no... Gladly they all burned to the ground! :D
Super strength? I might have a theory :P
Lira/Lisa can't be trusted! ( I always confuse the person with two minds :D ) If she is lying about her dark side isn't it kind of protecting it? Partner in crime? :D
I always thought that the worst fears are bad memories :P Usually those kind of fears they went trough explains a lot of their past :D I think I am having a clue what happened to those two
I really like how this is getting more intense ( Not sure if that is the word I was looking for though...)
But they can't let Jake go, who will burn everything around them after that? :O What about the not-so-much-a-volcanoes? Who will spot them then? It is a cruel world :( A fire blender being killed by his own fire... Not sure what kind of funeral that would be :D
Really great work with this one, keep it up! :)
Juuust a tine teeny review...
| Tumnus chapter 13 . 9/17/2014
Your story sucks, your character suck and your stories were way better when you had an editor. Also, I made a proper account _
(For all those reading to see whether this is worth reading, I'm the editor that got made redundant last week. Also, this story is amazing and I'm really proud of my sister for writing it - and I'm not saying that just because she's my sister. A funny fantasy set in modern day, with lots of sarcastic humour, as well as interesting characters who I've really grown attached to, as well as having some really awesome plot planned (yeah, I've seen sneak peaks :P) that you really should stick around for!)
To the author - there's a couple of typos/missed commas.
| Bastard From North chapter 12 . 9/11/2014
I see you running there! O.O
Okay, I never liked Lisa/Lira at the first place but in the place like that in the situation like that...
If some one would be screaming in the background that would be me :D I have the thing to hate places where people have died and all that spiritual stuff because it creeps me out :D
Maybe she could fly like that? Shooting those balls every where and maybe staying in the air? :D Sounds so safe :P
I am glad you explained that not-volcano-hill thing because I had no clue what it was :P Again I learned something new:)
It has been a while when you last updated so my memory is little dusty but I can remember one thing clearly, there was a wolf in the previous story :D And if I remember right Mable has a senses of wolf, right?
That little hole is disturbing me, a lot :O It must have been some tiny bug eating you inside out... I have watched way too many bug horror movies :D I really hope they won't have bug problem because that can be hard to kill :P
You're welcome but I have seriously no clue how you got motivation from me :D But you're welcome anyways! :) I will be waiting for the next chapter :)
Worry or not to worry...
| Bastard From North chapter 11 . 1/7/2014
Really good chapter! I like the way Luke and Jake is :D
Just like my older and younger brothers, they seems to have some kind of war between each others :D And that is really annoying -.-
Lira/Lisa is kinda creepy :D
Keep up the good work!
And by the way, I am same guy as Lonely but I made account now