Reviews for Alice Revolution (アリスの革命)
Daniel Kozaki chapter 2 . 12/27/2014
Greetings from the RAOSC!
Very good, fluid descriptions.
'Alice jumped as she saw a huge mangy dog...' - uh, 'mangy'? It means 'dirty'. Would a friendly guard dog be... mangy? Just my opinion, though.
'"We are the staff, Alice-chan..."' - lol
Chronic clumsiness... hm. :p
Suddenly, blood. Moving into shonen territory? The only thing lacking satisfying description imo is the monster. Others are stellar; you're an excellent 'painter'. *claps* It's like reading shojo drawn by a talented artist, and mind you, shojo is one genre that I find hard to appreciate because of the art style and plot, but your storytelling (so far) overcomes those. Good chapter.
Daniel Kozaki chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
Good start, clean prose and so far, quite interesting.
And suddenly, a jump to the tension, making the readers ask the right questions.
Scientist father trope... :p Interesting premise indeed.
Wong beat me to saying what I wanted to say, so, I guess that's as much as I could go, lol. Good job.
Y. S. Wong chapter 2 . 9/18/2013
Oh, I knew I was forgetting a review somewhere... Anyway, looks like another good chapter. Even if I'd forgotten the vast majority of what had happened the previous chapter. Cough. Definitely getting some strong shoujo vibes, and your writing has a very... manga quality to it.

Masato is cute.

One thing I have to applaud you for is putting in the effort to describe. Not a lot of writers in the Manga Section like to do it very much, it seems, so the effort is appreciated. I especially like the fact that you take the care to tie Alice's thoughts to the description as well. Very well done.

Whoa. And then all of a sudden things take a dark turn and this morphs into a shounen. I like, I like. Count me as a new fanboy!

Unfortunately this means that the pressure for you to write a new chapter has increased.

I don't think an M is necessary, from what I've seen thus far. You've kept it pretty firmly in T-fare range. Meh. I've seen worse Ts in the gore and sex department.
Lolitroy chapter 2 . 9/9/2013
Nope. I think it's perfect as T.

I really like the prose in this story. You have short paragraphs, oh man I love short paragraphs, and easy-to-read wording. Alice is already warming up to me :D and goodness I loved the dog TwT oh well.

Ren is weird.

And oh, another intersting ending. Hum hum.

BTW I noticed you start a lot of paragraphs with "Alice". Maybe a different wording could make some variation...?
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
Ah, I like the title. Just wanted to say :D

The opening was fine, easy to read and not clogged with angst or description as soo much other stores start, so congrats for that. The only thing I'd warn ou is maybe a bit of purple prose, sort of cliche main character, and maybe a bit of predictable story.

But it's true stories are not to be judged by the cover :D I like your premise so far, and really liked the way the chapter ended. Made me look forward to more :3
cud-b-better chapter 2 . 9/9/2013
Good battle scene, I'm glad it came so soon. Tyrfing? As in the sword from norse mythology? Curious behind that fake maids motive though. Akira most definitely knows something about it. Met two of the sons wonder what the middle one is like.

Anyway quick corrections/nitpicking (that may or may not be correct, my english sucks after all)

It seemed like Masato wasn't in fully control of his body. - change 'fully' to 'full'

Speaking of which, Riku was the youngest son - which meant he have two older brothers… - 'have' to 'had'

Anyway, so far so good.

Keep it up!
cud-b-better chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
A good start. A heroine who doesn't seem to be too fazed about ending the life of another. I'm curious just what she is capable of considering she is meant to be a weapon, the fact that akira mentioned that there were two of them was some obvious foreshadowing. I'm guessing that akira's three sons are going to be alice's love interests. My prediction is there is going to be one that is horrible to her, one that is kind and one that is innocent (just taking a wild guess).

I'm looking forward to learning all about this project.

Moves on to next chapter.
Fierce Ookami chapter 2 . 9/8/2013
great chapter i liked the action. also i think it should be fine as T.

-Fierce Ooami
BabyChan12 chapter 1 . 5/24/2013
It's a nice story xD. There were a few typos here and there, but not so much as to point them out... 'Cause actually I can't find them anymore xD... About the story, Yamato Akira ordered their disposal and yet let them escape right? If so, he seems like a somewhat okay guy... And Alice is a good lead with her strong personality and all. I wonder if she's gonna be a good cook or a total disaster though... As this kind of character usually is bad at cooking, as far as I know. Waiting for chap 1 :)
Y. S. Wong chapter 1 . 5/18/2013

Definitely a good start. You mentioned you're a shoujo writer and now that I think about it, I can see some of those elements. But there's a hint as well of some darker themes that immediately drew me in and kept me interested.

Two things stuck out to me: the pacing was good, and the characterization was good. Usually those two elements let me know if an author knows what he or she is doing and you definitely do. The interaction between Alice and Yamato was quite realistic, and left me eager to explore the dynamics of Alice's past more.

Not much to criticize for now. There were a couple instances of awkward phrasing or typos here and there, but nothing enough to warrant a capital offense.
Fierce Ookami chapter 1 . 5/17/2013
i like it so far and not many errors either cant wait for the next one
Neo Rulez chapter 1 . 5/17/2013
Very interesting can't wait to see what happens next
Felrain chapter 1 . 5/17/2013
Excellent! This was great to read, especially since I'm on a manga binge. Alice seems very independent and wary, I look forward to more.