Reviews for Dimension -Removed-
NightlyDreamer chapter 12 . 7/26/2013
Wow this was an amazing chapter.

I love how Boone does all the talking, aha. Most of it anyways. And how Kiya opened up to them. Now they feel that they can trust her. :) And she them.
AnabellaHunter13 chapter 12 . 7/26/2013
I think this is my favorite chapter so far. Between the character interactions and the new information we as readers found out about the Ciphers and Paragons, just made this chapter FANTASTIC. I loved the natural flow of the characters conversations and interactions. And while this has been there a little before, to me, it seemed much more prominent this chapter. I kind of cracked up when Deo was skinning the Canterpaw, and the looks Kiya gave him. And then he was trying to please her! Idk... i just really enjoyed that XD
KTF chapter 11 . 7/24/2013
I'm not sure, but this chapter didn't seem very necessary to me. That might remain to be seen in regards to upcoming chapters though. One point that does come off as important though is Deo giving away their position. It still doesn't seem to merit an entire chapter though. I can't remember if the Ueu soldiers heard said gunshot in the distance last chapter, and I don't know if they will next chapter. That seems like something that would happen though. I might combine this chapter with the previous chapter or the next chapter just to make that event seem more important. It was a good section, but it just seems odd as a chapter on its own since not much happens except a fight with the local wildlife. At least that is how I see it anyway :)
Gemma Sundry chapter 9 . 7/24/2013
Ooooh new characters! I'm liking Commander Rockland, awesome name by the way. I'm not sure if he is supposed to be the bad guy or not yet, guess I'll find out :P The flashback scene to an argument with Kagen was amazingly flavored and rich with descriptive emotion, and the twist of humor to Rockland is nice, showing his light-hearted side as well as his grimness. You set up Lieutenant Morrison as a future threat to the Paragons, but I'm wondering how much of a threat she will really be against them XD She is just a mere mortal, and they are supersoldiers, after all haha.
Great little spin-off chapter, but I hope we won't stray from the Paragons too long ;)
Guest chapter 6 . 7/21/2013
OMG this is so epic so far! I really hope you get this published because I want to see where else you will go with this universe, even though I feel you have barely elaborated on the full story yet! It's so vibrant and exotic and advanced and just powerful!

When you get it published, make a movie! I can so see it!

With love x
LightningBolt21 chapter 2 . 7/20/2013
[Their vessel, Altair, meaning the flying eagle,] Unless it's important to the story, I don't really see the need to know what the word 'Altair' means. But that's just me.

[the Gods of the Stars] the word 'God' needs to have a lower case 'g' or it stands for the Christian God. For example it's always the 'Greek gods' not 'Greek Gods'

[Some of the humans watch in honour, wonder, and thrill, others with anger at the futility of the mission.] I would write is as such [Some of the humans watch with honour, wonder, and thrill, while others with anger at with the futility of the mission]

["Beautiful," Kiyatera whispers out ] Change out to 'aloud' ["Beautiful," Kiyatera whispers aloud. ]

I commend you for writing in present tense while in Third POV, either one is hard enough but to combine the two of them together...

I hope this helps. Everything I have pointed out you can either choice to use or ignore, either way good luck with your story.
WellywoodR chapter 11 . 7/18/2013
Action! We've all been waiting for this!

It wasn't the UEU like I was hoping, and like you built up the suspense to suspect, but fighting one of these Bezun was the next best thing. I was right in guessing that we would meet one soon lmao!

You portray Deo as this powerfully confident, alpha male, cocky soldier, yet he is still likable. He's still human too, despite being a cyborg with alien abilities. He makes mistakes, feels guilt, has a quick temper, questions his faith in his gods, and defies his Cipher. A very bold and complex character.

I like Boone in this chapter, too. "I think you stole someone's din-din" XD he really does seem to keep the team on their toes with his never ending supply of optimism and energy, and I love the brotherly tension between him and Deo. They hate each other, but in a brother-like way. It seems everyone has this special connection of hatred toward Deo lol. Maybe aside from Nathanael.

The battle with the Bezun was intense and detailed. I could really illustrate it in my mind. We saw a glimpse of the Paragons' combat capabilities, though I get the feeling that this glimpse only just touched the surface.

You also fleshed out the Canterpaws nicely too. I felt like I was reading about a true animal. I will have to keep an eye on that little hint you dropped about them migrating over continents too, and see if this has any significance to future plots.

Kiya as usual showed her passion for nature. She also revealed that possessiveness you described within her in an earlier chapter, showing that at times, her passion can become unreasonable. Just like Deo, she is a complex character.

Can't wait to read more!
Guest chapter 11 . 7/16/2013
Not bad writing though I hate prologues. So much telling and not enough showing. (Info dumping). I'm a little lost and don't really understand WHO the target audience is. Just sayin...
J. Mercer chapter 11 . 7/16/2013
You faked me out with the promise of action. Just some animal fighting. And, in the words of a great man: "Yes they deserved to die! And I hope they burn in H***!" That was for that hippy-dippy Kiya. She should have left Deo alone. T-rex just wants to hunt.
AnabellaHunter13 chapter 11 . 7/15/2013
Wow, the anger between Deo and Kiya was REALLY tense in this chapter. I was worried Kiya was going to attack him or something! Great to see the PAragons again! I can't wait for the next chapter!
QuantumRelativity chapter 11 . 7/15/2013
Great chapter!

I almost feel like I'm there-in the story! Its so nicely detailed!

-CHZLVR25
{critique}
QuantumRelativity chapter 10 . 7/15/2013
I am really loving the story!
Sorry-my reviews aren't very long and detailed but I see you have plenty of feedback as it is...
:)
You have a mature way of writing-which is good.

And I like how you still make it a bit humorous with sarcasm.
"When gods and psychics are at the aid, the damned spiritual tree-huggers can advance and leave the more scientific UEU behind holding sticks and stones. Ironic."

Anyways,
the story is SUPER awesome so I'm gonna favorite it... Or did I already... Well, I'll make sure!

Great job as always
-CHZLVR25
{critique}
QuantumRelativity chapter 9 . 7/15/2013
The suspense and action is awesome!
And the descriptions are really vivid which helps me picture the scene really well.

Great Work!
-CHZLVR25
QuantumRelativity chapter 8 . 7/15/2013
Hi!

Sorry, I should really review more...
The chapter size, well a bit long but that's not an issue, its better than having short, choppy ones.

The story continues to progress nicely! I had to read through it pretty quick cause I have tons of chapters to catch up on :)

Keep it up!
-CHZLVR25
{Critique}
Gemma Sundry chapter 8 . 7/14/2013
Now that Boone has been revealed to have a fascination with explosions and with a southern accent, he reminds me of Haggard from Battlefield Bad Company :P Boone made me laugh with the whole joke about Deo's name being short for deodorant, I hadn't even thought of that XD I'm going to call him Deodorant from now on :P nah, I love him too much to be that mean hehe.
I like the wilderness, survival, roughing it feel this chapter has, again it's a nice contrast to the whole space tech thing. Wow, Kiya's ritual was mesmerising! You have really captured her mysteriously divine, yet raw earthy feel. I don't think your chapters are too long, they are just a right length. I find when chapters are too short it gives me an excuse to take a break from reading, and with longer chapters, I feel more driven to get through it.
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