|Reviews for Heart|
| Huntress Of The Sea chapter 1 . 6/1/2013
This story has an interesting idea, and a lot of potential. However, you need to work on characterization and fighting.
The fights scenes are hard to follow, leaving the reader with the feeling of "what just happened?" While the writer may understand perfectly, the reader needs more solid guidelines. At the moment, when feels like they've missed something even if they haven't.
You're characters are two-dimensional, I have to say. They don't seem real. Right in the beginning, two days after meeting Slash, Sarah is falling for him - I'm sorry, but if one was in her position, I think a more confused and shocked and scared reaction would be lingering. Having automatic chemistry is great and all, but characters need to feel real. People are more uncomfortable than comfortable.
There's also a matter of the flow. The dialogue seems forced and dead. I can almost imagine monotone voices at times. Work on expression, tone, body language.
I know this seems like a lot of "make it better". This story really does have potential, though. I haven't seen an idea like this done in such an original sort of way in a long time. I'm only saying all this because I want to see it get better, because I believe it really can.
| Rumors of War chapter 1 . 5/31/2013
A very different and unusual story, not the kind of thing you come across on some of these forums. Intersting and beliveable characters. Some of the descriptions were a little long, but hey! I'm guilty of that as well. The story is very readable, I read a novel very similiar to this story years ago, the plot more or less stuck in my memory, but for the life of me I can't recall the name of the book, no doubt long out of print. I think I'll add this one to my favorites list.