|Reviews for Epic|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 9/19/2013
from the Labyrinth
The women with dark hair planted her hands on her hips. [woman]
I think for a first chapter this does a good job inciting the reader towards wanting to know more. It looks like you've got a big world to delve into and you're trying to accomplish a lot here by hinting and setting up. I can also tell there's a lot going on in this story by your summary. I think one thing that maybe I'd like to see more of here is setting geared towards more sensory description. It relies very heavily upon dialogues from the four characters, which of course I think does a good job establishing the conflict regarding the Teller's heir (I liked how they used "Teller" in their dialogue), but I don't feel does a good job showing us the setting - like we get that there's smoke apparently swirling around for this entire scene - how do the characters interact with the smoke? Does it smell bad, good, etc.
That's another thing, too - I couldn't figure out if this story was being told from the perspective of Merlin or if you're just using third person omniscient and it's not limited to anyone. Because of that, it kind of felt like the narration was going all over the place, and I think it was a little dwarfed by your dialogue, since that's really what's controlling this first chapter. Just some thoughts. Adding in more narration - like maybe even starting by following Merlin from the street into the house(?) would work to establish more of his character and scene. But like I said, for a first chapter this does a good job showing us the potential of the world you've created and I think it does a pretty good job introducing the concept of the Teller's heir. Overall, good start!
| Jenna Lovett chapter 2 . 6/7/2013
wow! this is very good so far. it is very vivid and wonderfully written! Thyra seems like a strong, curious character and I cannot wait to read more about her. the summary is a little confusing, but intriguing. hopefully, many things like "Teller" and "Weaver" are explained as well as Thyra's present situation with Magnum. i hope you have a well thought out plot, and it seems like so far you so keep it up!
I do have a question, though, is Merlin the Merlin from the story of Arthur? Or is he a modification?
Again, it is very descriptive and I had no problems visualizing everything. You seem to be identifying everyone with the type of hair they have. It would be amazing if you expanded a little on that to add to all the description you have.
it seems like you have a great idea here so please update! This story really does have a lot of potential!