Reviews for Notice Me
blackrose88 chapter 2 . 10/19/2016
Where's it at on Amazon? It's already intriguing.
karasuno chapter 2 . 12/22/2015
I read it last week, also the other version with the added scenes. But I wasn't logged to leave a signed review. That's the only reason I'm slow with reviewing these days *cries*.
I liked how you ended it, really gave me hope that their relationship will work in the long run. I was mainly worried about their different, err, sex drive. But it's nice he decided to take it slow for her. I would've loved to see even more of them later on (coz I'm too much of a perv). Another sweet complete story under your name. Grats!
SoClassical chapter 2 . 12/16/2015
I'm so glad you were able to finish this story! I really enjoyed it (:
Lindalamr chapter 1 . 12/14/2015
You really don't give people who have been following a story a lot of time to catch up and read it before you remove it. I like to be able to read an entire story at once. I also like to be able to go back and read it again to get something else out of it. That is one of the joys of reading.
cap chapter 1 . 12/14/2015
Why did you remove it?!
Cap chapter 18 . 12/10/2015
OMG what? That's...that's the end?
Noooo I'm sad :((((((
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 6 . 12/9/2015
Hi again!

This guy is so persistent. It's good to know what is going on now, and what happened in her past. Nice little plot twist there. However, I am a little disappointed that she is that pure :P

Anyway, I will definitely be reading more!
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 5 . 12/9/2015
Hey again!

Now there has been a lot of talk about there being electricity between them and physical attraction (I know the sort that is being suggested to) but for some reason I'm not feeling it. A big part of it could just be that Tyler isn't the kind of guy I would choose. But I do also personally feel like you haven't quite shown the viewer enough to make it convincing. You definitely have a set of writing skills on you, and I don't think I've come across a single grammatical mistake in what I've read so far, but I'd suggest bulking the story out a little. It does depend on your readers, however. Some people prefer more to the point writing that deals with what is said and only touches on the things that are important to plot, but personally I find character development of greater importance. The chapters are nice and concise, which is good on the eye.

Their first kiss (even if it was just a cheek kiss) was rather cute indeed! I think I'll have to read another chapter.
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 4 . 12/9/2015
Hi again!

I would suggest having the thought Emma has to her self 'Why am I asking questions about him' italicised, just for ease of reading. I found myself reading it twice for it to flow in the right way.

I like how you're just giving us little bits of her past with Richard. It's intriguing to have a main character that doesn't give you everything straight away. Mysteries are good.
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 3 . 12/9/2015
Hello again,

So a I feel like a bit of the conversation towards the start of this chapter was slightly stiff. Their mannerisms don't seem quite right for teenagers that have only just started talking to one another - almost too familiar. Like telling someone that you've just had one small falling out with that you need to talk doesn't seem like the natural thing to happen. More likely I imagine that he'd shrug his shoulders and walk away.

I understand that the reason for the dialog is to progress the plot in the direction that you were looking for, but because dialog and character behaviours are what make a story, it's important to stay true to how they would actually behave. Otherwise the plot becomes motive driven rather than character driven and the story becomes less immersive.

Still not a fan of Tyler. Her point about apologising is about actually being sorry and not just getting your way was very valid. And he cut it down by just whining about how she wont even give him a chance. The reality of the situation is that she doesnt actually owe him a chance.

For me personally, a violation of someones trust right off the bat (in that he lied about taking it, and then decided to rub it in her face and violate her) was the more pressing issue than just her having had sex. Well, that would be more of an issue for me personally. However, I don't know the way these characters think, and so there is a chance that this might not be an issue for her.

I really dont like the way he's cornering her into going. I think it's just because if he wasn't attractive or if she genuinely wasnt interested in him then it would be super creepy. Because she hasn't shown an outward interest in him (other than his instinct that she finds him attractive) he has no good reason other than being a pushy jock to behave that way.

Also, sorry for getting a little wound up in the plot. Definitely take it as a good sign!
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 2 . 12/9/2015
Hello again!

I do quite enjoy the backwards and forwards perspectives. It's nice to have both male and female views on the situation. It makes it a little more dynamic.

I'm definitely not a fan of Tyler currently. He doesn't seem to have a lot of depth between his ears. Either that or he's putting on an obnoxious front. I hope its the latter. He's done quite a few things wrong at this point. For one he took her notebooks. Secondly he lied about whether or not he had the notebook. And then he had the audacity to behave like that!

I think it could have been interesting had he lied about where he found it and the fact that he had read it was a secret that built until slightly later in the story. I love it when trusted characters betray one another.

Anyway, still really good :)
HighOnBrokenWings chapter 1 . 12/9/2015
Hey there!

So I'm glad he found something of some interest in the notebook! I'm interested to see where you take this, as you have quite an interesting starting point - innocent girl isn't so innocent after all. I'd love for this to go the route of female sexual empowerment, but by no means do I expect that!

I also quite like this Emma character, she's not quite the typical Mary-Sue - close, but there's a little quirkiness to her. She reminds me of a friend I have, and if it wasn't for the fact I've met someone similar to this in real life then I'd venture out to say that she's a little too day-dreamy.

I imagine it's pretty typical of teenage writers to venture into some degree of smut. I know that I have!

If there was anything I'd suggest working on it'd be pace. You get through quite a lot in this chapter, and a couple of the transitions between different scenes and the general progression of conversation seems a little fast. For example, when he tells her about his mother leaving his father - the thought he has regarding telling Emma that seems not quite fully formed.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more!
Cap chapter 17 . 12/7/2015
Idk if they say I love you too fast... but I do wanna read the extra scenes! Just like in a movie :)

It's been so long since I read this that I don't really remember much about her friends, but it was still a good chapter. I'm kinda excited for the party!

Cheers,
Cap
karasuno chapter 17 . 12/6/2015
Emma is just not ready it seems, and Tyler is too much in a hurry. They're still kids in school from my perspective though, so sex is definitely nothing to worry about yet. But you really made me anxious about their relationship... Hoping for a happy end anyway.
Hmm, rebounds are just really messy, but life experience is just like that - has to be experienced first-hand. Must suck for Emma though, her friends are leaving her behind in that department. Reading this really left me with a lonely feeling. Not sure if that's what you intended haha.
Can the extra scenes be included as extras in between chapters? Or do you intend to repost this story in the end?
karasuno chapter 16 . 12/6/2015
So, I read the updates when I got the alerts in my mailbox, but I wasn't logged in to review. Gosh, but it's been a long time for this story. Glad you're picking it up to finish. And I loved this chapter, getting to see Tyler's thoughts... Haha, had to check the rating again. Sure enough, it's still T, but for some reason the chapter was just hot enough. Must be because of him.
Man, Michelle really has guts to go after her goals. I don't dislike girls like her, though it'd be nice if she didn't throw herself at guys who are attached. Makes me think she'd have no qualms about going out with a married man -_-.
That remark at the end though. 'Except herpes', lol. Too bad Emma is too innocent to appreciate the joke.
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