|Reviews for Pandora Complex|
| Myght Dyno chapter 2 . 8/8/2014
Looks like trouble's already started coming for Minami. Can't wait for more.
| dmasterxd chapter 2 . 6/2/2014
Wonder how close Geoferrey is to Minami. Also a guy and girl sharing a room, now that should definitely be hilarious.
(Sorry my last review got cut off so I continued it here
Dang things are getting real now. So then Minamis just a human with a monster inside him, I thought so. Wolfram seems like a likable character. Also the part in the beginning was hilarious. And since this is a school for monsters or anyone with connections to monsters I wonder if we'll ever see a human-monster hybrid. Awesome job.
| Kisho chapter 1 . 6/2/2014
Poof! Here's Kisho. I don't know if I'm spiting you or falling into your elaborate reverse-psychology ruse, but all your advertising BladeArc made me really interested in this story that isn't BladeArc cx
I have to say, though, this is catching my interest more than BladeArc did with its first chapter... it does feel like something I've seen before, but it definitely has the potential to take on a really unique twist! Minami seems like he's not going to be a Yuuto-level loser, too, so plus points! Seems like he's easy with girls too -v-
But you know? This is an odd thought, but I'd really like to see this story told from Fiona's perspective. Her life as a monster girl facing an ugly image as a Dullahan, and then attending Pandora Academy alongside this boy who seems too normal for the school, hiding an enormous secret... a boy who finds her beautiful, too! Call me crazy, but I would read that in a heartbeat xP
Anyways, it seems like you've stopped with this one. Have you? I'm interested in where you might take this, it could possibly turn into a swamp of overdone LN tropes or it could become a really sharp new piece, depending on how you handle the chapters to come. Could be interesting to watch, though I'm liable to back out as soon as I see it fall into the former territory v;
At any rate, well-worked, Lou-chan, thanks for the read cx
| XxmikoxkogaxX chapter 1 . 6/1/2014
Well isn't that awkward hahah having a boy and girl as a roommate can have so serious problems. Lmao I find myself draw to this story more.
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 5/31/2014
This kind of reminds me of Rosario Vampire. Except no heads fall in the anime.
Fiona seems interesting. So doess Minami. But I didn't get something. I he human or what? And what is Fiona? Who, rasied lots of questions here. Quite an interesting read ouo
I shall continue shortly.
| Clear World chapter 2 . 5/31/2014
Okay, that last section was just really abrupt and raises so many bad questions in my head. First off, why the hell is his pathway to his own dorm through a horrible forest!? That's stupid and just begging for kids to die. Second, why is Fiona already there fighting these monsters before he gets in the forest!? Are the attackers just sitting in the forest and waiting for Minami to walk in a forest that is known to be dangerous already? Third, why is Fiona even surprised Minami is here!? It's like his pathway to his dorm. She shoudl have suspected something like this if she actually thought the location was a possible threat for him. And fourth, if Minami is so important, why are they 'only' placing a high-school student to protect him!? That's even more stupid and just begging him to get attacked a lot.
Okay, now with those stuff out of my way, I hate Wolfram already. He better get out of the 'love idiot' best bud trope that you find in like every harem, and become way more than just that. Characters like these ignores the crap out of me. It feels to me like so many people use them as a mean to say, "hey look at how awesome the main guy is because he's not as sex driven as his best bud".
And...humans. Curse those hot sexy humans that everyone must have. For a class, damn they are quick to judge the new students. Already declaring he's cool and stuff with just his first dialogue. Quickest impression I seen from just a single opening statement.
Oh, one last thing, how the heck can Fiona see without her head. How is her body moving around and cooking without the head. Does she have other senses that allow something like this? Is her head just there for decoration?
And one more thing, if Fiona is considered one of the most beautiful girls in the school already, why is her heart throbbing after hearing it come out from Minami. She should already be hearing those types of compliments many times already. Grrrrr... I really feel like if I was to keep reading this story, this romance aspect will be the weakest link that I see.
And my final one last thing, some of your descriptions are repetitive, such as, "Just hearing that was enough to send chills down his spine. Even with the presence of Echidna inside his body, the thought of being devoured by hungry ghosts was frightening." You can definitely shorten that up. Overall, the writing works, moves at a readable pace, and doesn't distract me at the slightest.
| Clear World chapter 1 . 5/31/2014
For a first chapter, I see the good interesting hook and the info dumping wasn't so badly done. It was integrated well enough where it didn't really take me out of the story. Though, I do question how little Minami knows about the situation he's about to get himself in if he needs these kind of explanation of why he's going to Pandora Academy.
Also, gosh, I wish getting a girl to fall in love was as easy as saying "you're beautiful", though Fiona won't probably admit she loves him any time soon. But this is high-school like, I really shouldn't be expecting a love that develops instead of a love that just happens instantly. Let's just have all girls fall in love within minutes of being treated nicely. Apparently all girls in romance manga have all troubled past in that the first boy that shows any sign of kindness means instant boyfriend, with nothing in-between. Though, this is the first chapter so I can be easily jumping the gun.
Milfred mention of the school lasting 6 years instead of 4 seems extremely misplaced in terms of dialogue. It seems to come out of nowhere just to mention it, and I would assume Minami would already know this because he's going to this school. How little does he know about the school he's attending. Was he literally just plucked off the street and told, "you're attending Pandora Academy today."
Fate...convenience (about them having the same room). I would complain about this, but this is the first chapter, so, whatever sets up the actual story in a hurry.
On the overview, so far, I see some cliche stuff but I see a lot of interesting potential for this story to make itself unique with Minami's situation, and the school that has monster like begins. Though, the beginning of this romance is already making me wonder if the romance can hold it's own with the other aspect this story has to offer.
| dmasterxd chapter 1 . 5/31/2014
Hey you use realms too lol. Anyway this is a pretty awesome story. At first I thought this was similar to some other anime/manga but nope I was wrong. This is completely original. Also Minami is a great character as well as Fiona. I also w
| cud-b-better chapter 2 . 6/6/2013
The action picked up a lot quicker than I thought it would. Can't help but make comparisons between Minami and naruto in the context of creatures sealed inside of them. I thought that the monster students were going to hate him but it looks like I was wrong on that call.
| cud-b-better chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
I LOVE IT! The beginning does remind me a lot about rosario vampire, well the entire premise does. When I read the summary I was thinking it was going to be something closer to durarara. The dialogue is well written, the characters are interesting as is the very setting. Although for some reason I kept thinking of knuckles (sonic) when I heard the name Echidna (although my memories could of just screwed me over). I was avoiding blade arc because of it's severe length, my short attention span and lack of time, but if you could write something like this I think I'll have to reconsider that original notion. I'm really looking forward to what other types of monsters are going to appear. Very well done with this!
| Boomer Kid chapter 1 . 6/4/2013
It's different seeing you write in third-person, Lou-sama, but I can definitely see some of your distinct writing traits in this work nonetheless. I can go on complimenting things like how you're able to give information quickly to the readers, set up a premise simple and fast, establish the beginning of character relationships. But I think this review is going to lean more into my usual critical style. So be prepared. *grins*
Yes, there's a lot of things I would like to point out especially regarding your writing.
I believe that first-person is still your strongest suit. With third-person, now that you're an outside narrator, it's easier to make the mistake of letting the outside narrator overwhelm the story. The parts where you're telling information about Echidna and Minami's past and so on were purely narrator intervention. This won't be so bad in first-person since we treat the narrator as the viewpoint character and are still able to connect to him, but telling so much info in third-person has a risk of severing intimacy with a character. It could have been done better by revealing bits of information through things like the viewpoint character's thoughts, as well as dialogue, for example Geoffrey's dialogue about his duty as a Watcher. Ultimately most of it looks like we're reading a summary of what the story is about other than experiencing the story itself.
So yes, basically the simple show versus tell issue!
And, that's it for this review. I'll have to wait until much later into the story before I can give more concrete thoughts about the storyline and characters. A last thing I would like to point out is, make sure there's a number of interesting and/or unique things to make this story distinct and ensure it's not too predictable! All the best!
| kingofe3 chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
Obviously, the beast inside him is going to make him A) A total badass and B) A lady killer. It is inevitable!
Anyway, this story reminds me of Demon King Daimao and Rosario Vampire. I like Fiona, she's so moe with her head falling off often.
| Kilian Grey chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
The little prologue set a strange vibe, which was good, kind of creepy, in a good way.
The car ride was filled with good information that flowed smoothly from also reenforced the creepy, eerie feel to the story.
I thought it was original and very interesting. Even though you are using a school as your backdrop it isn't a typical school. I really liked the main character, Minami, he is sweet and kind. The girl, Fiona, is also likeable and their initial meeting was written very well. I could feel the first signs of friendship was also very visual in spots, though I think I have more of an idea what the Fiona looks like than your main character, Minami.I know he is Japanese but does that automatically make him dark haired and brown eyed? You need to work on describing him either through someone else's eyes (perhaps Geoffrey or Fiona) or his reflection as in the car window.
The school director has a very strong visual image also.
| SanjiandSerea chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
Ah first things first this story feels like a cross-over between Rosario Vampire and Durarara! That's a good thing though.
I do like Dullahans (Irish mythology ftw!) and they're interesting and not your typical monster.
You have a typical boy meets ghoul story going on and you do a decent job describing people except your protagonist.
Fiona seems to be really moe and it's a cute concept that her head falls off when startled.
Good job Louis-kun!
Ja Ne for now SanjiandSerea!