Oh my. Very, very interesting plot and I love your almost simple style of writing.

Amazing personality! Almost as if I'm reading a diary (and who doesn't want to read someone's diary?)

Although, on the more critical end, the jumps can almost get a little ADDish, if you know what I mean.
It almost gives me whiplash, going from the main story, to the personal narratives, and back and forth.
Some small tangents are fine, for personality, but watch on the excessive.
But of course, this is only opinion.

That's pretty much all i have so far!

Sorry for the wait to review this; I meant to take a look at it as soon as it came out, but work got in the way q3q
first off; why does this not have more follows? It certainly deserves them! I'm very much enjoying this little series, and I really quite enjoy that you write long chapters. They really help the reader to immerse themselves in the world and the characters.
Anyway, minor derping aside; to a proper review!

Some of the dialogue here could do with being a little more natural; we occasionally get things said which tell us information, but don't really let the reader understand the character's personality or 'voice'. The little conversation at the start with Fiona is such an exchange; with a few pacing or wording changes here and there. or a little more description on what her body or face is doing (rather than simply us being told she's getting angry) it could really give us a little more insight into her character.
I do, however, like that this conversation sets up a view of Rachel for the reader; we want to know more about her, if she's really as bad as Fiona says. It's a really neat little character hook, and makes the reader want to continue.
I also really enjoyed the relationship between these two women once the little group finally meet her, with Fiona obviously having to keep herself in check. The little concept of Fiona's Catholicism having to go up against Rachel's undeadness is also a great touch.

Sometimes you could also do with a little bit of sentence changing, or find a few words that mean the same thing to explain something, otherwise you get the same word a couple of times in the same sentence, which can be a little jarring for the story flow;
"I found myself sprawled on the ground, face first. The first thing I saw was a black square tile..." for example, with the word "first".
Also, just back on the narrative side; sometimes there are bits in Mickey's narration which don't seem to match his overall personality or way of speaking; " trying to act pretty casual, but not overly so" for example, or "She figuratively stepped back at this; her body eased up" I don't know if this is because we've only been with him two chapters, but I feel maybe he'd be a little more...cynical? Or witty, which how he puts things.
Could just be how I've been reading it though!

Once again, great chapter. Sorry for the long review, and I look forward to the next chapter!

I don't really have anything critical to say here xD just because I love this piece so much! The tone and style is fantastic, and I love the little nod you give to film Noir narrative with the style of humor used by the narrator.
The humor itself is also spot on, and all of the characters are exceedingly likeable so far (I especially love how our protagonist describes the landlord; now there's a story and a half to tell!)

Maaybe, since it's always good to leave with some sort of crit, the pace could be tightened up a notch? I'm not sure what it is, but the whole thing feels as if it could do with slowing down just a notch or two, maybe describing a little more about the girlfriend's condition, or the setting at the start? Something needs working on that side of things.

So yes, just a bit of sharpening and polishing. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this first part! And I honestly cannot wait to read more chapters!

Unique plot, it's very cool.

-Hermie