Reviews for Merciless Summer
Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
Hey there! :D

Ooooo I liked the difference between the tribes and the settlers, and pretty much how weakless the tribes people are when compared to the advanced technologies of the settlers.

I'm going to assume this is the pov of a Native American, during the time when the colonist invaded and took over?

It seems like a pretty acurate pov then, so good job on that! .

Are you going to spread this out into multiple chapters, or is this just a quickie story? Either way, I like it. :DDD
Nausikaa chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
I really liked the description you used in this story. I could really see this world you were painting, the blistered landscape and dead rivers. I also really liked how showed who these people were by mentioning that the new settlers called it Canada- it meant that you didn't have to pull out of the narrative to explain.

I think you accidentally slipped into omniscient point of view here: "The river wasn't that big, but it sure as hell was bigger than the little trickle that they had made their home."

I think perhaps you could enhance the reader's experience by making the way Master Tadek speaks more authentic. The way he speaks sounds too modern for a native chief- especially when he refers to a little boy as a 'kid.'

I was curious reading as to whether this is a finished story or the first chapter or a longer one? It feels like it could work for both.
Findus chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
This is beautiful. I liked the voice of your narrator, the chief. You can feel his anxiety, the heavy burden he carries, being responsible for his people. At first I thought this would be set in some alternative universe so I appreciated that you mentioned Canada early on, making me realize that this is real or well, something happening to the real world. The image of people scavenging for water is as real as it guess in many parts of the world and I thought you captured a desperation and sense of urgency really well. Well enough to make my stomach tie itself in knots. I also liked that your language was as simple and 'dry' as it was. No need to dramatize, just plain and simple.
professional griefer chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
I really love how you make the fact that this is a very different civilization/tribe so apparent so quickly. Your use of dialogue and names works really well to drive that home, not to mention what you talk about in the narration. However, this line felt out of place: ["All yours, kid,"] I don't think it fits with the rest of the dialogue.

I don't care for the pacing of this. You spend a lot of time explaining the situation, which is obviously important, but I feel like when you mention these characters names, you should talk about them a little-the ending would probably seem more impactful if we knew who they were. Also, Tadek giving the kid his water seemed a little irrelevant, it just doesn't really add to anything to me.

I do love this, though. Yay Skye! LSK for your mattdamon writing skills.