I was a little bit confused in the beginning. I liked how you started off with a clear ‘bang’ and jumped right into the story but I was really confused who the twins were and why they had gone missing, and even after you offered some explanation I still just baffled by the undercurrent that was going on. I would suggest spending a bit more time in this section explaining everyone just so the reader can be more comfortable with the story.

I think your pacing for this story was great. As I mentioned above I liked how you just threw the reader into the story and how you kept the action up throughout the story, and how you maintained that throughout. It made for a really fun and fast paced read.

I kind of wished that you had spent a little more time on characterization before they ‘died’ and went to heaven. As a reader you naturally want to mourn a character death, so it felt out of place that she just died. Although having said that I do appreciate the ‘humor’ angle of the story that you are going for. The hard part is your humorus situations are at the expense of taboo subjects, which can make it hard to follow for a modern audience. I loved the ‘sewer’ problem that god described, I LOL’d.

I was really shocked and surprised by the ending. I think you did a great job at capturing the reality of the moment because I had no idea that it was a joke. It seems like a lot of stuff to do for an april fools joke, but I guess, boys will be boys. Overall I think the story is great. You have a lot of pace and action . I think I would work on characterization a little more, giving the reader characters to care for in the beginning will make for a more enhanced experience while reading. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.