Reviews for Stars Collide
Ventracere chapter 1 . 12/28/2014
Hi hi from the roadhouse!
Oh, I like your setting. The coffeehouse is a calm, setting place to begin with, and you did a good job with the waitress who attempts to pacify Alice. Berlioz is also another interesting character. He's the mysterious kind of guy, someone who makes us want to get to know just what has been plaguing him.
One thing that stuck out to me of his recount of his journey was your description of the path. It's extremely vivid, but isn't a sensory overload that makes the pace drag on. You also did a good job with making it work to your advantage because of that pace.
You also end in an interesting place, somewhere that allows you to have a hook. Alice's disappointment/slight betrayal makes me want to know how this will affect her later on.

Nice job :)
BlackTieBride chapter 2 . 11/25/2014
This chapter was confusing at first because I didn't understand how the other characters tied in with the previous chapter. But the way you connected them was really well done. I liked Berloiz's story about Owl because it gave us a little glimpse into his past. I am wondering how Alice and him met. Great chapter all in all.
BlackTieBride chapter 1 . 11/25/2014
This story is very interesting so far. Berloiz is a very interesting character. I'm curious about what his story is. I found the scene with the old man to be kind of confusing at first because he seemed to know all these things and not giving an explanation as to how. The universe seems very intriguing as well. I look forward to expansion on that.
boona chapter 2 . 11/12/2014
Bonjour it is me again as always I love your story, now let me get the chance to get what I disliked the most. It took me a few seconds to get that this was the caravan that "Berlioz" missed cause of that it took me sometime to feel like this was connected to the first chapter. Once "Berlioz" mentioned missed the caravan later on that was things starting to click for me.
Other than that I liked your characters as usual especially the two stories they told. Your descriptions from the Mulks to the narrative styles the characters tell their respective stories felt well done. The pacing was well done and even though It felt a bit like a standalone in the beginning it was easy to follow.
The best part for me was the reference to the tower of Babylon in "Yenissei's story. That was what it was wasn't it?
boona chapter 1 . 11/12/2014
Salutations, it's been awhile since I have done a review so here goes nothing.
I really like the story so far from the few characters you introduced to the pace of your story. "Alice" is really well developed and easy to connect with her cynical nature of not believing "Berlioz's" story about magic. You can feel how she feels about "Berlioz" as well almost like an unrequited love. "Berlioz's" is just as interesting as she is like her opposite in personality and worldviews. His childish like wonderment at discovering magic in a world that from what I get is more scientific in its worldview. The pacing and the way you describe the settings made it easy to follow and picture in my mind.
The whole story so far feels warm and somewhat nostalgic in its execution I especially liked "Berlioz's" last words towards "Alice" about how to discover magic felt really poignant. If I have anything bad to say is I want more to read.
This Guy Again chapter 2 . 11/8/2014
Sorry for taking a day or two to return this review, work has kept me busy and such. Anyway, enough of excuses and on to the review.

I'd be lying if I said I had anything to complain about in this. It's clear that you've taken your time to proof read and edit this chapter, and that goes a really long way to making this one of those rare effortless reads.

I really love the juxtaposition you achieve here, with the rustic almost traditional fantasy feel with travellers and cloaks, and the futuristic idea of the colonization of new planets and orbital cannons and the likes. It feels almost kind-of-but-not-really like Firefly. Which is a good thing because that was fantastic.

I feel as though the plot is moving a little slowly, but that's not something that I have an issue with as this is a pleasure to read really. You've got an obvious knack for writing good, vivid descriptions, and it conjures up wonderful images, so even though I felt like the story was moving slowly, I really did not mind.

Another thing I enjoyed was the retelling of the old myth. I love it when there's a rich world in a story, and this just went a long way to make it feel alive. On a similar note I also quite enjoyed the characterisation of Yenissei. Oh and I just loved the idea of the Mulks. Giant domesticated lizards is actually an idea I plan to implement into my story Broken Aether, so it was nice to see that somebody else likes the thought.

Overall, there's not much I can say about this chapter other than; good job!
Jmin.A chapter 1 . 10/19/2014
Very well detailed! I find this story quite interesting! There were no errors from what I saw. I shall go ahead and read the other chapters. I wish magic was real. (:
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 7/10/2014
This is a very belated review return for CW (Carnations' Wake) - I cannot say how ashamed I am for letting you wait this long, and I could give you many excuses, ranging from being busy with packing, general malaise and just constantly not being in a state to review this properly D: But I was going to review this at some point, and well here I am :3 Th-this is not going to be a smart review, but I’ll try to be as in-depth as I can.

I must say ...I haven't read a lot of sci-fi. I think I'm probably too distracted and absent-minded a person for it, because I’m far more likely to watch a sci-fi movie than read a book about it (but that’s probably my general approach for most things, AND I don’t watch a lot of TV either). I don’t know. I just haven’t been reading as much lately at all. Anyhow, I like the premise of this so far – it’s different, I’d say. In a good way too – with your plot seeming to be a nice mixture between fantasy and sci-fi indeed. I especially like the mention of farmers and what not, in a world that takes place/is surrounded by space. I especially like your scenery descriptions – very fleshed out and detailed, but beautiful, to the point that I’m likely to come back to re-read them. I at least felt that I could envision things as you described them.

Anyhow, I do like how you structure this too – with Alice being the main narrator for the most part, but Berlioz having his own scene in the middle/towards the end. I felt that was an interesting technique: you could have offset this with italics, with more dialogue, but instead you chose to tell it like this, which I think made the read smoother. I also felt it really made clear how this story was a fantasy, since the setting here was less contemporary. I’m likely to come back here for the descriptions since my head is throbbing now, and I didn’t quite get to enjoy the detail as I wanted to ): But I could tell it was atmospheric.

I liked how you described the bar and the waitress: very mundane some would say, but I felt it gave the story some realism, and showed just how we never truly alone, but how other people always play a role in our lives. Hehe, I just think it Alice’s waiting and wondering about her friend all the more atmospheric? I dunno. I just liked the feel of the scene.

I also liked the scene where Berlioz led Alice outside and showed her …his magic (why does this sentence sound dirty too me ;_;?). I admit I was tired while reading this, so I’ll have to come back to re-read to fully appreciate the detail, but it did have a nice ring to it and lots of nice descriptions.

I mean It – your writing is pretty and smooth. I can’t say anything substantially negative about it, and nor do I want to :) I just …wish I didn’t take months to return reviews D:
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 5/22/2014
Hello from Roadhouse!

A Sci-Fi/Fantasy with a seemingly interestign concept? Dude, I'm in!
Gawd it's been so long since I last read such a great genre crossover *u*

Just an extra thing-I love the coffee's description. A nebula. Hadn't ever read such a thing :D

From the beginning we're shown a potentially interestign character. First of all, and this is more of a personal preference, but the main character has a pleasant name, Alice. I've seen many fantasies where, honestly, the names are a bit more than weird. So it's refreshing to see such a character. Also, since the narration is more or less from her point of view, we catch glimpses of her personality without any outer factor, like her view on coffee or how she's waiting for something... which only helps create intrigue.

Berlioz... haha, nevermind. Still a good name.

Have to admit I felt bad for the waitress. Trying to be friendly and Alcie giving her the verbal finger.

There's this paragraph int he middle. A huge paragraph. I was there, inmersed in my reading, then it came. Honestly, I know many readers don't mind, but there is this sort of people in the world who really are, er, lazy. I'm in tht gorup. And the huge paragraph really threw me off. It broke the pace for me and everything. So I'd suggest breaking it up, just in case another lazy reader clicks on this?

I liked the first and last (though it's the same time anyway) scene best. The middle seemed a bit tell-y to me. Which was kind of the point, so nevermind. Ugh. Still.

Anyway, I liked how the story started. A good way to hook readers, plus Alice and her feisty attitue really god me ouo"

This left me intrigued. Expect a new follower! And aww, I wanted to see more of Berlioz. I'm nto a sucker for mysterious characters, btu something in him hooks me. I'll continue reading later!

Oh, by the way, I'm from Roadhous.
AlexandrineisaBird chapter 2 . 5/12/2014
This is wonderful. I am so curious to know what happens & to know more about these nine worlds! As usual you have created a wonderful fantasy setting, complete with celestial images & travelers haha :-). But I like it and I *cannot* wait to read more & learn more about the different worlds! I was wondering if you intentionally left out what the nine traits were? Also, what's up with Owl? What, what is going on there? Anyway, this was *so* good, imagery, the way it flowed. I was a little confused at first but the nine different universes helped explain that. I can't wait to read more of this!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 9/26/2013
Very glad there’ll be more of this. I know you said this is going to be the second chapter but, honestly, I think it works brilliantly as a first. Nice descriptions, and you do a good job of setting the scene and introducing the characters. Have to admit, I was totally drawn into the story, and it has a very nice, natural flow to it. Great stuff, can’t wait for more.
Guest chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
Very interesting backstory. I don't read too many stories that features a world where sci-fi and fantasy interacts, so I'm definitely looking forward to this. A few things I want to point out:

[ she mumbled distractedly] The use of the adverb here is redundant. You already showed us she was distracted with the first sentence, so there is no need to tell us again.

[Tea poured into her cup and swirled like an earthy,] I feel like there should be a 'was' after tea, because this sentence is giving me the idea that the tea is pouring itself.

[(although he suspected it had been the subconscious catalyst for his ruminations concerning trees)] The use of parentheses is not really needed. A simple comma will do fine, and it will make the sentence appear way less awkward.

[And you've witnessed it. And it's getting stronger."] Two sentence that both starts with "and"!

Overall, very nice story. The characterization and narration are both smooth, and I liked the detail that went into the character descriptions.

On a final note, I still owe you another review. Do you want me to hold it off for the next chapter, or review something else?
AlexandrineisaBird chapter 1 . 6/14/2013
Not surprisingly this was really well written. :-) Your descriptions are, as always, impeccable & I think you've done a really nice job of scaling them down/redistributing them so that it's not just a huge chunk of description & flows better. I thought the dialogue was nicely done. The only time I felt that the story was a bit awkward was in the beginning with the waitress. She was 22 or 23 but a lot of her actions I felt made me think of her as being older. This is very probably just me but having her do things such as "cluck" (just a word I generally associate with like mother hens/grandmothers, etc types) & offering to go with the girl out made me picture her as a bit older. It's definitely fine, I'm just weird about things like that haha.

I realllly like Berlioz. I think he's great. I like the little bit of mystery left with him :-). Also, I know I already complimented your descriptions (they're always so great) but I really like the bit about the trees & grass. Also, I'm not sure if this is related to the title or not but there were little star/sky references throughout the passage (nebula in her coffee, etc.) & I liked that. I like Alice too, I'm excited to get to know her better, ah! I'm just excited for the next chapter :-).
snaggled chapter 1 . 6/8/2013
An interesting premise! I can't say I've read this kind of story before, and I find it intriguing to think about!
You style is nice, and you have some great imagery going on!

The most noticeable thing, by way of crit, is your use of over-running sentences, as well as a bit of purple prose here and there. Quite a few chunks could do with some shortened one way or another. You get into your stride nearer to the end though; it's mostly the opening which could do with some cutting.

"swept away by merciless currents after a decaying dam upstream failed catastrophically while she and her friends happened to be swimming in the river below, enjoying a summer day." as an example of what could be shortened o3o just to add a different point to what's already been suggested in the review below.
(I also have this over-running sentence problem in my own writing, but it generally just takes a little bit of polishing and going over to put right c: )
A. Nonymous1234 chapter 1 . 6/7/2013
This was certainly a long first chapter, but I'm not going to nag because I am guilty of that. Even in the rewrite of stories the split up chapter is four thousand something words, so don't worry about it. The plot is certainly interesting, even though I have read stories about mankind leaving earth before. On the path we're headed down we will need to eventually.

On to the writing- in several places you have run on sentences, which just bug me and screw up the flow in my mind. Use commas or periods more often, but be careful where you end sentences and start another, or word will nag you for sentence fragments.

For example- ""More tea?" The voice dragged Alice back to reality and she looked up with a start at the waitress standing over her waiting patiently with a steaming tea kettle."
It would go better as- ""More tea?" A voice dragged Alice back to reality as she looked up, startled, to see the waitress hovering above her. She was waiting patiently with a steaming kettle."

I hope I was able to help!

-From the roadhouse
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