Type your review here. It would have been a wonderful story if you would have used another name for "THE HOLY ANGEL GABRIEL" . HE IS SO HOLY, that by just looking at the demon ; the demon would have been destroyed , and for the girl that without even touching her, by just looking at her she would have been healed. I am not judging your just help in correcting you in the power of "LORD JESUS CHRIST" HOLY ANGELS ANGELS POWER " against the demons power . No demonic forces, or principalities, or authority of evil stand a chance against any angel that the lord sent to save a lost soul.

Update soon!

Really good developments here.

Avion interests me (though his name sounds like branded bottle water, LOL) so far I get the feeling that he has hardened himself dramatically over the years but he sees something in Adrianna that makes him want to change. Those are my initial reactions and I like how your intermingling those contrasting aspects of his character.

I didn't really care for Adrianna's reactions in this chapter. I feel like she spent too much time thinking about vomiting, or about to vomit. I understand that she's scared but it felt a lot like overkill.

I'm still really enjoying the story though. It is continually changing and involving which I am loving. Update more soon. Keep up the good work.

Juliet.

I'm genuinely curious about both Marvelda, and Adrianna's actions in this chapter.

I'm wondering why Marvella is so fascinated by Adrianna's appearance. It felt like it was more than just wanting her to look good for the crowd. I'm also interested to find out why Adrianna is so shy. I realize that she's young and most likely inexperienced but her behavior seems a bit extreme. I know that her 'life' is technically over but it might be helpful to delve into that background more.

OMG I have to know who bought her, yikes...

Juliet.

I'm liking the twisting and turning that the secondary characters are making, as well as the introduction of the demon madam Marvelda. I really did not see this change coming which is a huge complement on your part because its good to keep the reader on their toes. These secondary characters also add a lot of spunk and vivacity to the plot.

Demon bordellos, interesting... I think you handled the undressing scene very well. I took it to be metaphorical as well as physical because Adrianna was so uncomfortable that it was really getting down to the bare level of her characterization.

I'm really enjoying this story as a whole and I'm really excited to see what happens next.

Juliet.

I really liked Adrianna struggle for safety and independence in this chapter. I think it utalizes really good character development. I must admit that I haven't always gotten the clearest picture of who she is and what her motivations are but I think what you have here is very good.

Loved the introduction of new characters -Zerk and Blerg, loved those names and the attention that you played to their dialect. It really did a good job to distinguish between them culturally.

I also liked how Adrianna worried and wondered about Gabriel near the end. I know that eventually they will meet up again but I'm curious to know how that happens.

Juliet.

Hi, there is a lot of pain mentioned in this chapter. The brain will only tell you about one pain at a time - it is the body's mechanism for making sure you deal with the worst injury first. Also, she clearly had a mega migraine, but it would have been helpful to know a little more about it, such as what did the pain feel like - sharp, throbbing, a burning laser, someone drilling into her brain. She drops to the ground and curls up to breathe. Does time pass? If so do the shadows appear different? Is she truly in a new world, because if so I would have liked a little more explanation of this new place? Or is it just that she is so pain ridden she is seeing everything in a contorted way? If she really cannot remember who she is, does this thought not make her panic? Or is she in such a dream state that question passes her by, and she moves quickly onto the next thing? I really started enjoying the story once the dialogue started, as this is a particular strength of yours. I think the initial mating game being played out here is well written, with an interesting play between what they say and what their bodies are saying. I hope you will not take the questions I have written at the beginning of this review as criticism, but rather as new areas to explore in this chapter. I particularly liked the phrase (veins stuck up angrily) which provided a very vivid mental image, whilst at the same time offering an unusual descriptive touch. I do hope you will review my story Psychics v Terrorists, which is a modern fantasy set in England. Good luck with the writing.

Still loving Avion :) keep up the good work with the story! Can't wait for more ;P

You come up with such creative and unique things. Verel is so original and so virile it's amazing. And Avion is just so sweet. Adrianna is just so damn difficult, but I suppose the mark has a huge part in that.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hopeless

By the way, costed is not a word. I know, it's picky. But it bothers me XD

And aww shucks, I'm glad I could help out! I love the warm tingly feeling you get when you get a fantastic review so I try to give as many as I can. And I like to type...a lot. I'm going to have serious arthritis sometime...

Anyway, I LOVE Avion. He's so sweet even though he's a demon, and Adrianna is being difficult. But understandably so. Still, I can't wait until she figures out that he's a good guy.

Onto the next chapter!

Hopeless

Bad Adrianna...hurting angels...tsk tsk tsk when will she ever learn?

Anyway, sorry it's taken me so long to continue reading. I got distracted by sparkly things...cough cough internet cough cough...

I like Avion. I'm really curious who she will end up with in the end. Were all demons originally humans who were changed?

WOW, awesome chapter. I'm sorry to say this is my last one :(

I loved how you've expanded your world here by having Adrianna and Gabriel step through the portal. I liked it because we really haven't had a chance to explore your world yet, and I look forward to seeing all of the other places etc.

I also thought that the accompanying detail about how Gab hid the mark was very smooth and well done. You did a great job with sight, and touch senses.

I also enjoyed how the action really got moving in this chapter. I feel like the plot of the novel is in full swing now, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Juliet.

I really LOVED how you played the 'silence' aspect when Gabriel asked his god to intervene. As I've mentioned before I wouldn't classify this as a religious story, although it has a religious backdrop. I think a lot of writers would have gone the other route, but I really liked what you did here. All of these actions felt realistic within the moment.

Adrianna, Adrianna, Adrianna. I just cant get a handle on her yet. She came across as very whinny and childish in this chapter. True, she is probably going into shock, but her reactions throughout aren't as smooth and clear for me as they should be. Gabriel and Sear actions and motives all make sense but I feel like Adrianna is floundering a bit.

At this point I think the strongest theme of the story is less about Adrianna, as I initially thought, and more about the struggle between Sear and Gabriel.

Juliet.

Perfect job with getting more in depth with Adriannas character. I liking all of the developments and how we are getting to see more into her mind and personality.

I'm liking the relationship between A&G and the hatred between S&G and I think you are handling these situations well.

I'm also liking how your not making this too religious. Our characters are angels/demons and you mention god but its not in your face about anything which I think really adds to the depth of the story as a whole.

I'm intrigued by the Holy City, I'm excited to see what happens when we get there.

Juliet.