|Reviews for Million To One|
| Boomer Kid chapter 2 . 8/5/2013
Sorry for being late. But I'm sure General Caps is not one to accept apologies easily in the first place, hehe.
What I like most about your writing is your first person narration. It really showcases your viewpoint character well, especially how he perceives things around him. You did good with making him have a distinct voice through his narration.
This is a mystery story, so it's no surprise that everything's not really clear in these first couple of chapters. But you do well to set up the overarching premise: the seeming end of the world, and these games that Camera has been thrown in.
If there's one thing the rest of the viewers haven't mentioned I would like to address, it's your overuse of ellipses. They don't necessarily contribute to adding impact all the time, so I would suggest replacing some with commas, em dashes, or just plain eliminating them, especially for the sentences that start with ellipses.
Other than that, good job with these first couple of chapters. Quick, thoughtful, and you've already established an overarching premise while keeping things mysterious.
I'll be back for more.
| BabyChan12 chapter 1 . 8/3/2013
Hi Zeke-san! XD I read your story for the lulz of it. XD
I wonder if I got this right. The dude here thought of how the world would end, and suddenly a white light flashed. And the world ended.
o.o So, how did he exactly get it that the world ended? Because he didn't see anyone else around him or...?
One thing I noted, are you maybe writing British style? Because sometimes, you place full stops outside quotation marks. I don't know if those were mistakes, so I just pointed them out below ;)
- "Was there anything I could've done to avoid this?",
- "I don't want it to end like this...".
And just these sentences:
- But my thoughts came through anyway, I mean, it's not like I had anything else to do. But the truth stabbed through my non-existent heart. - You used 'but' in two consecutive sentences. It sounds weird (at least to me) when reading through the sentence, because the flow kinda breaks. Maybe you could delete the second 'but'?
Also, your tense changes frequently through the prose. It's alright when you use it to recall the past events, but towards the end of the chapter, despite not talking about the past, you didn't use present tense (as you had done till then in the chapter) and instead used past tense and even past perfect once. o.o
Alright, that's all for now. Anyway, good job!
| The interviewer chapter 10 . 7/29/2013
excellent chapter as always.I'm guessing the mystery sender is camera's mom or it's god's set-up. I have a feeling that both camera and aelius have feelings for omake is fun but it doesn't seem right for this story world is close to end and they smack with fish!WTF?
| Psykofreac chapter 4 . 7/16/2013
Great mystery story so far! From the beginning, there's a already a whole lot of questions and intrigue for both the reader and Camera. I also enjoyed the occasionally sarcastic first person narration.
I thought the challenge in this chapter might be a little too easy, but it's still early on and needs the proper circumstances for the characters to meet, so that's not too bad. Aeolus seems to know a lot, or at least is more certain than Camera is of what's going on. But then again, Camera doesn't know much about this game yet anyway, but it makes me wonder what more the others who were chosen knows. Looking forward to it.
| YelloMage Iero chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
In all honesty, this story was not exactly what I had expected.
...To stick true to the policy of honesty, that's a good thing. I was expecting a style very similar to other light novelists I've read. I'm pleased to say that this story gave me a pleasant surprise. Yes, there were a few grammar errors here and there, but what the words say have further piqued my interest. I'll certainly have to pick this one up again soon.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
So... I have no experience with, or knowledge of, first person viewpoint, hence I can't offer useful advice or criticisms. All I will be able to say is if I liked a chapter or not. Is that okay?
As for this chapter, I haven't really seen anything to make me like it yet. End of the word premise sounds interesting, but there was nothing in the first chapter other than telling me the world ended. Doesn't really capture someone's interest.
So fingers crossed on the next one.