Reviews for Behind the Field
IcanzIIravor chapter 34 . 4/29/2016
Yes! I mean it sucks with the knee injury, but he finally got his ray of sunshine!
IcanzIIravor chapter 27 . 4/29/2016
This story is awesome. Must finish it before I can sleep.
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 18 . 11/15/2015
I think this was a fun chapter too actually :) I think that's the case because your excitement and love for the subject matter definitely carried through. I thought the most important of this chapter – the game namely – was very lively, exciting and emotional. Sometimes, I think the metaphors got a bit too much, because your writing is better off without them being too blatant, but that's something that you definitely have toned down in latter stories (I'm just mentioning it, in case you wanted to know :3). All in all, it was just a very lovely and well-done scene, which was neither overwhelming nor dull. If anything, I did learn a thing or two :)

I liked that Kyle got invested in the game, and I often remember how nice he is – say, in comparison to Chase who's far less patient towards people. I wonder if that's because Kyle just has more experience/needs to keep a cool head, considering his profession and all that. It's just entertaining to see how different your characters are all, that's all. See, I like that Kyle went to the game for Erin, but that he's interested in the game, that he pays attention to the people and shows his support even after the team has lost. I think that's just the right attitude, and it shows how attentive he is. What I also enjoyed was how sympathetic he is towards the girls as well, probably having experienced defeat himself before. In a further vein, it does show – and I thought that was important – that being involved in sports is a matter of the heart; you get emotional about it, because it's important, and it bonds you to so many people.

What I think could have used a little work was the transitions between all those different people popping up XD. It got a bit exhausting, but I have already told you about it before? I mostly just let those scenes pass me by and focused more on how Kyle reacted towards Erin. It's sweet, because they are close, but it's not sappy. In fact, the one time you allow yourself to be so – Kyle reflecting on Erin's smile and how it was not a waste to come to the event – it's just very heartwarming and genuine.

Ending this review now because I'm exhausted XD
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 17 . 11/15/2015
Another chapter I don't really have much to say about, because it's harder for me to comment on the sport-related stuff? I do think that this story is rather light and digestible in terms of how you present the sports-related plot: it doesn't require any specific knowledge or overwhelm the readers in terms of too much informations. And you know, from the past and other stories, that this could get overwhelming for me. I guess what strikes me about this chapter is that Erin's job isn't easily at all: she seems to get a lot less support than Kyle does, which is sad, and I like that you address that. I also like how Kyle seems to respect her all the more for it while he's musing over that in the chapter.

Beyond that, I just like how you are showing the camaraderie between the players: it does get a bit much for me, admittedly, but you know that I don't really enjoy crowds lol and that's something that has very little to do with your story XD (if anything, I would say it's a testament to how realistic your writing is, because you capture the energy and frenetic nature of so many people interacting quite well. I also think you do the playfulness between team players quite well, though I wonder: why is everyone so mean towards each other lol? Though I guess it make sense, given the rather challenging nature of sports :3) I like those little things: like Erin not being good with people, and this showing a little with her interactions with the rival trainer/coach.

Ultimately, I think she's gotten better around Kyle though, because I do recall how standoffish she was towards him at first. She is rather nice and accommodating towards him here, even using him as someone who can help her XD. I also like that Kyle wants to see her, but isn't like desperate about it. I think that is realistic, because usually even if we have crushes, our lives don't immediately revolve around that person – so I like that Kyle ends up going just so he can take off his mind off things :)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 16 . 11/15/2015
I do want you to give you the six reviews you deserve since you worked for them XD. I think it's only fair. I actually really enjoyed this chapter :) There are a lot of sweet moments between Kyle and Erin, especially when they are just talking to each other. I like the little things like Kyle wondering about Erin, like the way she downplays her knee pain, or how she's comfortable around Kyle now. I think it's something you've always been good at: people observing each other / showing interest just by being attentive towards another person (you are more likely to be attentive when you care about someone, I think so it's realistic). I also like how he realises how good Erin smells – it's not cliché, I think, especially because you don't spend too much time on tropes, just associate Erin with a particular scent that Kyle wonders about. There's not much else to it, and he's not waxing poetry :3

I enjoy the back and forth between those two and other characters occasionally, though I did think that the scenes could have used a little transition/fleshing out, because I got lost here and there (like I wasn't sure when Erin and Kyle were really alone and when/why someone was interrupting them). But then again, I wouldn't worry too much about it: I think scenes with many characters are hard to write, and I think I just generally get confused when so many people around (in fiction and real life both XD).

I liked Erin and Kyle's conversation at the end – about colleagues and them just getting to know each other a bit more? It felt very natural and sweet to me, and that's something that, again, I find you always do well: show people getting closer in a way that is authentic and never too rushed :3
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 15 . 8/24/2015
Writing: It's a bit weird to come back to this, after being gone from the story for such a long period of time. I think it's been *months* at this point? No, wait - it's been a year XD. I just think I'm caught up on all your other pieces, so I hope you don't mind me reviewing this. Anyhow, one of the things I notice is how this is a lot more heavy-sounding than your newer pieces: it's not dragging, but you do pack a lot more information into this chapter, regarding the background, scenery or even the physical attributes. It's interesting, I think, because it makes the chapter read slower, and it also does make the reading process a bit more demanding. Hmm, overall, I am so and so on whether the details are necessary: sometimes it's just right, you manage to create a picture in my mind but at the other times, I'm really sure all the details add anything to the atmosphere. If anything, I feel that they just make the sentences a bit more awkward-sounding, and you've definitely gotten the balance a lot better in your newer works :3 I am also so and so the physical attributes being described, it brings this a lot closer to being a romance novel and less of this realistic slow burn that is so much your trademark, BUT I do like the tension those descriptions create, and some are really lovely (especially Kyle noticing Erin's dark eyes and beautifully ordinary face). However, in the long run, I do appreciate the more toned down and subtle approach in your recent works :) That being said this *does* read very well, and the descriptions are rich - it's very easy to visualise things, and I really love how well you focus on gestures, and those pauses between the dialogue. There's a lot going on in this story, and it's all those things that aren't being said that are just as important, especially on the emotional front. And I really love how tense this is, without being dramatic or angsty. I think you've really capturing the warmth and easy-going nature of a beginning crush quite well :) I also love how the prose softens throughout the chapter, as Kyle and Erin grow closer - that's really demonstrative of how good you are at capturing emotion.

Characters: I remember saying, a long time ago, that I really love Kyle, and I must say I still do. He's very, very adorable in the sense of how he angsts at saying the right thing; he's sort of awkward but still confident, especially in regards to his career and what he's doing with his life. I like that, because it's such a healthy and realistic mix, but yes - it's just healthy. So many stories feature characters that are either too modest or too arrogant, so it's nice to see someone who's got more of a balance in him :) I like how he's gentle too and understanding; he doesn't push Erin for more information regarding himself, but just waits for her to confide in him, which again makes him an amazing character, because he understands boundaries and is respectful of them too. He knows that you can only win the trust of people by listening to them and waiting for them to tell you stuff - which also means he's patient. I honestly can't really think of anything unfriendly about him, even though he has got flaws - he's awkward, he does get influenced by his friends a lot, but ... it's nothing fatal, and he just comes across as a very normal, very nice guy who would balance out Erin's mysterious nature. That doesn't mean he's not complicated, because his dedication to sports and his musings on how injuries can be healed showcase that he'd never give up on his career, and that he's very well aware of how tough it is. So he's tough too and very determined as well as being realistic; I think he's even got a no-nonsense approach to his job :)

But yes, i feel Erin's becoming more of a warmer and approachable character, especially in this chapter; we see her joking and laugh about, and she also seems to have lightened up a bit. I find it interesting how obvious her passionate for sport is in this chapter, and I like how she opens up when talking about it. She's still hiding something, but I feel that we are getting closer to see a less scary/mysterious side of her :)

Relationship: Obviously, this is a romance, and so I'll have to add my two cents XD. I'm always going to be fonder of slash, but you are selling the attraction between Kyle and Erin quite well - at least, Kyle's attraction is starting to grow painstakingly evident but without being creepy or desperate. He just likes her and wants to get to know about her, but you also make it evident that he is attracted to her physically. In a way, you make his attraction to her a lot more obvious than you usually do in your other pieces: he clearly marvels of over her looks, and he also touches her more than your other characters, but I think it makes sense, given how Kyle is *awkward* but also more confident in regards to how to approach Erin. They have known each other for a while, and I don't think that his giving Erin shoulder-bumps is sexual, but simply a way to make her feel more comfortable/tease her, which is great because so many authors may not have gotten that point across. But yeah, the physical attraction is still there: it's not over the top erotic, but I feel that Kyle is getting to the point where he's having trouble not to notice what she's doing to him, which is sweet. What's even sweeter is that he's more interested in her as a person though, which does imply that this interest isn't just lust, but also something stemming out of a desire to maybe get involved with her romantically. And I think it makes sense: they both care for the same things, and also have shown to work well together :)

As for Erin? I'm not sure where she stands yet; I think she likes him and she has lightened up around him considerably, but it's still more of a friendship thing right now, I believe :3 It's nice to see her open up though!

Dialogue: To be fair? My favourite aspect of this chapter is the dialogue: it's funny and memorable, with several lines being quite the lovely banter between Kyle and Erin. It never seems over the top or forced, but completely natural, because they both sound like believable adults who don't take themselves too seriously. IMO this shines most clearly when Erin and Kyle talk about Pokemon: the cultural reference not only grounds the dialogue in realism, but also just demonstrates how they know how to fun XD. I also just like how well you have them play each other off - their dialogue shows how similar they are in terms of interests, and how much they have to talk about; dialogue is always lovely when it isn't just there to fill the space, but actually builds/deepens the relationships between the characters. In your case, it also demonstrates things that already exist and also makes the attraction/the pairings more believable.

Otherwise, I also just love how you have so many characters talking - sometimes all over the place - in this story but it's never rendered confusing. You know how to place your dialogue tags and even change voice, which makes it easier to follow the conversations in this chapter. I also like how, towards the end for example, your dialogue becomes more frequent, which creates a realistic cramped feel (because of how many people are involved; you know how it gets, I'm sure). Haha, I can't think of anything else to say really? XDDD
Blazing Lights chapter 2 . 12/31/2014
Okay, I tried Snapshot but I couldn't get into it. I like hockey but not enough to that I can read it and I am not overly fond of Romance. So baseball story with romance it is that I will review.

First off I am in interested it to the point where I will for certain finish reading the whole thing at some point.

Baltimore Orioles not my favorite team but you get points for the team not being the Yankees.

Kyle is not a brat which makes him likable. He's a catcher, a very demanding position physically and mentally, I'd say. Rough on the knees. The catcher though is the leader out on the field. They signal to the pitcher what pitch they should throw. They keep their pithcer and team in line and positive. So Kyle being a catcher must mean he is a leader. A catcher whose not a leader makes me cringe a bit. Because truly the catcher ris the most important position because whose gonna catch the pitcher's pitch?

Your actual writing seems quite smooth and was to read nothing stuck out to me.

Sorry I am never really sure where my reviews will go.

Have a Wondrous Day!:)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 14 . 8/5/2014
Okay, taking up this one to get the games *rolling*, hoping it doesn't slow them down instead ;_;.

Writing: To be honest, it's always a little strange to see your old writing after reading your newest bits and pieces. It's just you've become so much better and more fluid, and it really shows. I'm not saying the prose here is bad, because it isn't: the details, like your focusing on how the clouds are on this day, or the realism you pour into the descriptions re: Erin's injury are all good, but I just felt that got a little heavier at times than it should have been, and that it just didn't seem as clean and smooth as your newest pieces. But I'm biased :P. Still, I like your prose here: it's very readable and maintains a vividness that makes it easy to envision the things happening here: like Erin's getting injured and Kyle fretting over her. I also like how you manage to keep everything from being too confused, because there are so many people and things involved, but you keep everything clear by maintaining a relatively straightforward writing style that focuses on the present, rather than just narrating events. Regardless of what I said, earlier it's still all very good, and I'd be stupid to deny that :D

Plot: I like how this chapter works in two instances: on the one hand, it's about Erin getting injured and Kyle being worried about her. It deepens their relationship and establishes that he cares about her. But I also like how they're something bigger to this all: like Kyle wondering just why she stopped playing, and the others dropping hints as to what might have happened. That's very good storytelling, because it makes the reader want to find out more, and also shows how the plot is complex, because everything being so connected to each other. I also liked the hint of realism you gave us here in the plot, regarding injuries and why they are so fatal. I liked how you let us know that playing sports is dangerous, and that you also built up the tension for further jobs - whatever happened to Erin must have been bad.

Relationship: I feel that Kyle, while still in denial, is very clearly protective of Erin. I like how he wasn't all too defensive of people wondering why he was worried, but just said once 'she's my neighbour'. I don't think this means that he is attracted to her, but that he worries for her, and is intrigued by her personality and past. I like how he wonders just why she turned out the way she did, and how he tries to hope that she didn't leave the team because of some bad actions on her part. I still think you are doing a good job at developing the relationship at a realistic pace :)

Scene: I like that Meghan walked up to Kyle at the end and consoled him regarding Erin. It was a way to dispel those brief doubts he might have harboured against Erin for a moment, and a great way, I feel, to end this chapter. It establishes that Erin is competent and also shows that Kyle wants to know more about her, paving the way for an exciting new chapter. I also liked how the scene had no frills about it, but just was quiet and realistic, with the dialogue being the focal point and less being shown into how the characters feel about this (it makes the reader want to know how Kyle is going to digest this bit of info). I also thought it was a lovely scene between him and Meghan, showing once again how everyone in your stories interacts well with each other.
Jitterbug Blues chapter 13 . 6/5/2014
It's been a while since I last read this, so I had some minor difficulty what happened the last time XD. But yeah, it’s easy to slip back, though I must say I do prefer ‘Across the Ice’ – I feel it’s got much stronger prose, and that the characters as well as the relationships are … a bit better developed? But I’m not going to compare the two stories: I just think you’ve improved :3

What I do like about this chapter is Kyle focusing on Erin, noticing how well she’s playing and musing over her past as an athlete. I think it demonstrates that he’s interested in her, without making it glaringly obvious. I think that’s something you generally do well: develop relationships in a very natural manner that doesn’t seem contrite or cliché.

I like the moment where Dan expressed concern about his daughter playing. He’s, perhaps, over the top protective at the moment, but then I do think I understand where he’s coming from: he doesn’t want to see his daughter hurt, and that just speaks of how good a Dad he is :3 I like little moments like these, because they make your characters very relatable.

I liked the writing in this chapter: it was easy to follow, and though you focused a lot on sports/Erin’s movements, I didn’t feel it got boring or got over the top. That made the scene easy to follow, I think?
alltheeagles chapter 18 . 4/9/2014
For the RG EF

I like how you provide a 'translation' of the situation implied by the 'no runners' sentence, ie that the team is in a risky position but can still make it. Very useful for people like me who would otherwise have no idea whether having no runners is a good or a bad thing. I also like how you show the different perspectives of a pro and a layman on the signals: Kyle thinks they're oh so conventional and obvious, Dan is impressed that the team is even using them. And all that without understanding much of how the game actually went, LOL! Yep, even if a softball hit me in the face I wouldn't know what's going on, that's how un-sporty I am. Finally I like that you include enough interaction between Kyle and Erin (or at least thoughts of Erin on Kyle's part) to justify the inclusion of this episode in the story, otherwise I'd question why so much ballgame action and so little relationship in a story that's categorised as "Romance".
lookingwest chapter 2 . 3/18/2014
Perhaps the only thing I find a little odd about this story right now is how similar it is to your other story, Across the Ice. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but this chapter especially, feels so similar in larger plot that I'm almost wondering if this is a genre with a formula I'm not familiar with... Sport player (male) is in professional sports, has to do charity work with children, runs into eventual love interest doing something for someone else (being a helpful, nice person) and clearly hiding secrets (hints that woman is involved in something similar to male's profession), and then interaction at end of chapter...

I don't know if this is necessarily something I don't like, but I thought it was worth pointing out and I do find the similarities to that arc pretty curious. But this isn't my genre and these aren't my tropes, so I suspect you're obviously tons more versed in what's popular than I am, so if this is how it works, this is how it works! I'm also aware I'm approaching these stories from a unique perspective of having only read the first two chapters of each and through online one by one, so perhaps the similarities also depart as the stories wear on - but I feel ultimately right now for the 2nd chapters, the setup is largely the same.

Moving on, though, one perk I did like that set this apart from ATI was Kyle is sort of on his own in this chapter, without mentioning a lot of his different teammates. I liked that because the cast feels a light tighter right now - it's only really Kyle and Erin here, and it provides time to delve deeper into Kyle's personality and characterization without becoming muddled or worried about anyone else right now (it's only Ch. 2 so I think that one-on-one with the main protag is a good move).

I also liked the interactions with Kyle and Robert at the opening because I thought it showed a genuine attention to the fans. So while we're not getting a drawn out scene of him with the other kids (which I think is also good) you managed to show us how he interacts with his fans while making that show productive to move the chapter along into the next scene - so very well done device there!

Erin is curious - I liked that Kyle brings up the idea of injury and it makes me wonder if of course, that's a foreshadow that something similar had happened to Erin when she was younger, or what else she might be hiding. Right now she's not coming across to me as a very likable character with a vibrant personality, but at the same time, I think she does come across as a woman with a secret, which is I think should be coming through with her interactions with Kyle. So success there! An overall focused and well crafted chapter device-wise - and ultimately a nice pause for understanding Kyle and how he regards his sport :)
Jitterbug Blues chapter 12 . 3/18/2014
Haha, I have to speed-review (and I speed-read through this too, unfortunately), because I'm afraid of the EF section lately. Anyhow, I love your prose when it's lighter really, because you have so many gorgeous lines, and I think your dialogue really shines out when you don't go too 'heavy'. But enough of that :3

I liked the conversation between Erin and Kyle in the car, because it was the first time we saw Erin interacting naturally? I think it's the first time she let loose :3 I like that, because it brings out the chemistry between her and Kyle, and I really enjoyed how they bonded over their awkwardness. Cute :3

I also liked the beginning, with Kyle reflecting over his fear of his friend embarrassing him. I liked how you threw in those references of his ex, and how she didn't fit in. I think it showcases how badly he needs a girlfriend who's into sports (like Erin :P). Haha, I'm just saying I like those romancey hints you threw in here.

Yeah, again I liked the prose: it's light and fun, with lots of interesting details re: sports, and how Kyle and his team members interact (and I like those little details, because they just bring out their closeness and well, I like the idea of grown-men being so childlike). Haha, I really like how you make sports such an integral part of everyone's life; it's interesting to read about, and I just think it infuses this story with a lot of realism (I always envy how much passion you have for sports :3).
alltheeagles chapter 17 . 3/14/2014
For the RG EF

I like how Kyle likes Erin enough that he's willing to come to her opening day when his own is the next day (hope I got that right). I'd think if he felt his career were more important than her, he'd be at home resting up for the big event, not expending energy needlessly on a bunch of girls. I also like the exchange between the players when the latecomer arrives - I wonder what the secret message could be *nudge, nudge* Finally, it doesn't bother me that you didn't describe the field - I wouldn't know what a field is supposed to look like. :p

PS Tseng's been demoted to a minor character? Too bad. I kinda like him.
Timbo Slice chapter 2 . 3/14/2014
Even though not much happened in this chapter, I like the more character driven aspect of these first two chapters and the interaction between Kyle and Erin was believable and natural, especially with Erin letting down her guard just a bit as she does come across as sort of a cynic. I suspect there was more to her past in baseball, maybe a career ending injury, and her believable actions and dialogue really helps to drive some speculation about her and makes the reader want to know more!
MyHeart's4Above chapter 1 . 3/13/2014
This is for the RG Quick Fix.

One thing I noticed is that you are really good at describing actions scenes, and I knew exactly what the players were doing and what their stance and actions were like. For someone who does not know baseball, reading it might've given them a hiccup in their attention span in the beginning of the chapter. But, for the most part you kept it short, sweet, to the point, and yet detailed enough to give me a satisfying picture in my head.

I fond Kyle so far to be a normal, down to earth guy, that worries about how he looks, even to the new girl across the street. He thinking I stupid he sounds is kind of endearing, like he gives what this new girl thinks. Erin is interesting, at first withdrawn and almost like she has trust issues, but soon she becomes kinda nice. Hmm, I wonder about her.

For something to work on... I would say I actually do not see anything much wrong. You write very well. I like how everything flowed, was descriptive, yet was to the point and not overly wordy. I like the characters, and wonder about Erin and her background.
88 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »