|Reviews for The Starlight|
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 2 . 7/19/2013
The opening was a bit slow, but the image of the ship flying before the moon really popped. Some of this dialogue I quite liked-it's lively, and provides information without dumping it unnaturally. You may want to go back and trim out exchanges that don't further the plot or develop your characters, but I find it's usual for some writers to get carried away with dialogue on the first draft. It's an easy fix.
This story shows a lot of promise and I hope you continue with it.
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
Usually it's difficult to get into a story from the prologue, but your setup here is very interesting. I like that you sidestepped "Good and Evil" in favor of some stranger, wilder powers.
I do think this chapter could benefit from a close rereading to catch some hiccups. For example, in your opening paragraph you have
", at the same time, I doubted the existence of those worlds. Who in their right mind would? "
Which looks like you're asking "Who in their right mind would doubt the existence of those worlds".
Easy enough to catch ;D. Good luck with this one.
| PenguinCullen06 chapter 2 . 7/18/2013
Cool I like this chapter - like how u linked both parts of the story 2getha with the main character seeing the flag and then the ppl on the ship saying about the magic not working - awesome chap plz update soon! :D
| PenguinCullen06 chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
wow, just wow, this is amazing! :) I love this! I want to read more and more and more! :D I don't know why you thought people would criticise this because I love it! :) the end part about pigs flying was hilarious, but I love your imagination within this! :) pleaseee pleaseeeeeee update super soon! And PM when chapter one is up! I cant wait to read more!