Reviews for Dream Weaver
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 8/26/2013
Personally, I don’t think this is confusing. And I really liked the use of dialect and accents; in some cases, yes, it can get annoying, but it really doesn’t here. It adds a nice touch to the story as a whole. And I don’t think any of it needs explaining. Sure, as readers we might not be a hundred per cent sure exactly what it is, but you get that in any fantasy/sci-fi type novel. To me, it makes sense in the context, and as references, as the story goes on, they should become more normal to the reader anyway. So yeah, don’t worry about that.

I really liked these characters. They all stand out on their own and add something different to the story, and I like the way you introduced the narrator at the start with the whole becoming a man thing. It flows smoothly and you do a good job of drawing the reader in. Good stuff.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
Some really nice, strong imagery here, but try not to let the imagery over take the story. This, as a first chapter, is a delight to read, but in some places the beginnings of a plot get buried beneath the descriptions and metaphors. I did really like it, and didn’t spot any glaring errors. Good stuff.
Thayet Serenity chapter 1 . 7/6/2013
I like the concept, it seems interesting. However, I dislike how it is written because it seems more like a speech than a story. Also, the line And. We. Will. Answer. would look better if you typed it as The Dream Weaver has sung his song and we will answer. All of the periods are more annoying than emphasizing.
deadaccount2019 chapter 2 . 7/4/2013
Q1: The only drawback in the change between the prologue and first chapter is how jarring it is to go from an almost poetic tone to first-person narrative. Off the top of my head I can't think of any way to make the transition a little more smoothly, because despite how abrupt the change is, I thoroughly enjoyed both chapters as they are.

Q2: The accents and dialect are part of the reason I'm drawn in to the story when I read your works. The only criticism I have is the line, "Just 'cause you is too stupid to know big words don't mean you can go 'round bitchin' like a woman." In this case, "youse" or "you's" would have flowed more naturally. Otherwise, the speech, and even Billie-Bob's narrative really set the mood and draw the reader in.

Q3: I think you nailed it, as far as the hawks are concerned. You introduced just the right amount of information at the right moments, The small moon was much more vague. I'm under the impression it's a space station of sorts. If the intent is to introduce it gradually throughout the story, then it should be fine as is. If not, you could probably clarify in this chapter with only a sentence or two.

Overall, I enjoyed the chapter. The boys have a good balance of similarities and differences, making their friendship feel very natural. One thing that I noticed is that although there are three of them, it's indicated that they need only 10 kills. I wondered if this was a mathematical oversight (as they would need 13 after Billie-Bob's two kills), or if one of the boys isn't quite as invested in earning a diamond.

I was stunned to read the line regarding Jesus, since the summary implies the American government is the head-honcho (truth be told, I did a double-take on the summary, lol. :) ). For me, this really grabbed my interest in the backstory and spiritual aspect of the story.

I look forward to reading the next chapter! :D
professional griefer chapter 1 . 6/29/2013
I love the style you used in this. It's very poetic, and kinda biblical, and I thought it was beautiful-you're managing to write about a god and have it be really dark and beautiful instead of preachy, so that's awesome.

I also really like how you create all these questions about the Dream Weaver. Like the 'He died young. He wanted it that way.' That's a really interesting line, and it definitely makes me want to know more. You have a lot of things that are like that, and it's definitely good-you don't explicitly have a hook at the end of the chapter, but you have a lot of unanswered questions, and that's enough to make me want to read more.

It's a little hard for me to review this because it's a body of pure awesome...:) But I hope this helped a little.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 6/28/2013
There was definitely a strong biblical note to this but I really enjoyed how you intermingled that vibe with a more modern and stylistic voice. I thought the coupling of those two voices was particularly unique.

Even though you don't have "characters" in the traditional sense of the word I think the story works really well with an ambiguous backdrop. Its less a narrative about the event but more of a explanation of the before and after. I guess what I'm trying to say is yes its gauge but I think it works in this context. It let's each reader take something different away from the prose. Keep up the good work.

Juliet.
deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 6/26/2013
"and his words are what brings truth." Drop the 's' in brings.

"His words sooth anger which pours from the white knuckles of sons." I think reddened, bruised or bloodied might have sounded a bit more appropriate here. White knuckles conveys more of a feeling of fear than anger (imo, anyway.)

The genre seems to tug back and forth throughout the piece, sometimes feeling spiritual, other times fantastical, and other times yet almost action/political. Normally it would bug me, but I find I really like it in this piece. I'm really looking forward to seeing where you go with this. :D
W chapter 1 . 6/25/2013
Nice introduction! Looking forward to more.