|Reviews for Kalysta's Journey|
| fscomeau chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
Followed your story - a couple of things to mention:
I had run out of water a few hours ago, and being in the middle of the desert, I HAD BEEN quite lucky TO FINE village.
Correction in caps.
I walked into a restaurant and wiped the slick sweat off of my forehead with my sleeve.
I threw money on the counter, requesting water.
I would write this as: As I walked into a restaurant, wiping the slick sweat off of my forehead with my sleeve, I threw money on the counter, requesting water.
Then again, you can have your own style.
(Tetsukotsu is written as: "鉄骨," meaning "Iron Bone")
Don't put explanations in the middle of the text. Use footnotes.
Don't end your first part on "Whatever."
Your dialogs are great, I think you have a story here. Followed.