Reviews for Kalysta's Journey
fscomeau chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
Followed your story - a couple of things to mention:

I had run out of water a few hours ago, and being in the middle of the desert, I HAD BEEN quite lucky TO FINE village.

Correction in caps.

Also

I walked into a restaurant and wiped the slick sweat off of my forehead with my sleeve.

I threw money on the counter, requesting water.

I would write this as: As I walked into a restaurant, wiping the slick sweat off of my forehead with my sleeve, I threw money on the counter, requesting water.

Then again, you can have your own style.

(Tetsukotsu is written as: "鉄骨," meaning "Iron Bone")

Don't put explanations in the middle of the text. Use footnotes.

Don't end your first part on "Whatever."

Your dialogs are great, I think you have a story here. Followed.