|Reviews for Drakaina Girls|
| TheBigZ1 chapter 4 . 7/16/2013
I don't understand, what were they gonna do to him?
| TheBigZ1 chapter 3 . 7/16/2013
Run elisa run!
| TheBigZ1 chapter 2 . 7/16/2013
Well, that's unexpected.
| TheBigZ1 chapter 1 . 7/16/2013
Well, this us cool.
| K.R Miracle chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
:D I think it's cute as well, and I'm still not really helping with my reviews. XD Oh well. I like it.
| Galaxina-the-Seedrian chapter 4 . 7/12/2013
This...this was amazing! XD First off, your grammar seems to have improved, with only a few exceptions such as this:
"Then why did you not told us about him until now?" asked Samantha.
"Then why didn't you tell us about him until now?" asked Samantha.
Next, the plot. It seems more developed from the last story, and also reveals the way certain camps work. They seem to grow in depth with animal instinct. For the Sugarbees, they follow bee-instincts, where the females are considered queens while the males are simply obedient drones. This in itself was a stroke of genius! XD
I'm kind of confused about what they were going to make Jake do that made everyone so disgusted, though. Was it a innuendo of some kind? That's pretty much the only thing that bothered me besides the minor grammatical problems.
| Galaxina-the-Seedrian chapter 3 . 7/11/2013
Another good chapter. However, as you requested, I am going to make as blunt of a review as possible. I am NOT flaming, merely I am giving you constructive criticism. Ahem:
1. there are a lot of grammatical errors. Not too much, but still, they've managed to catch my eye. To demonstrate my point, as well as how you should have written these sentences, I will choose two of the following from your story.
(ex. 1) "I didn't saw you carrying that while we were swimming, where did it come from?" asked Jenny.
Instead, the sentence should be:
"I didn't see you carrying that while we were swimming," said Jenny, "Where did it come from?"
(ex. 2) "Steal? What would be so important, exciting or interesting in your camp we would steal, let alone even care about it?" asked The Cuttlefish Leader.
This sentence should be written like this:
"Steal?" asked The Cuttlefish Leader, "What would be so important, exciting, or interesting enough for us to steal from your camp, let alone care about it?"
For the rest of the story, I suggest you proofread the chapters on this site. While at your document manager, you can open your stories so that you can edit or finish it. There is also a proofreader for writers to use, in order to detect grammatical errors. The same can be found on fan fiction . net, BTW.
2. This chapter needs more emphasis, more plot development. It's fine that you have a limit to the length of the episodes, but you need to put as much depth as you possibly can with that amount. Furthermore, you should at least give a small description of what the Cuttlefishes Camp looks like, or why the window was already open at the Draikana cabin when Elisa threw the rock. It kind of bothers me that they just ignored the fact that the window was open after Elisa explained why she threw the rock. I mean, what if a wild animal snuck in?
Over all, this episode was wonderful! :D Elisa was funny, and was the best part of the episode! The ending was HILARIOUS! And though it needs a bit more development, the plot of the episode is great too. I also like the fact that you're adding more camps into the mix. I hope to see more of these camps soon. :3
I hope to read more of the story. Have a good day. _
| Galaxina-the-Seedrian chapter 2 . 7/9/2013
Who was the shadow figure, I wonder? Anyways, good job! :D
| Galaxina-the-Seedrian chapter 1 . 7/6/2013
LOVED IT! XDDDDDDDD