|Reviews for The General's Daughter, North and South|
| alternatesteve2 chapter 5 . 4/8
Hey there, Kody. Nice story you got going on here...keep up the good work, dude. )
| FORD B1 chapter 2 . 7/23/2013
Interesting read and time change.
| YoungSongtress chapter 2 . 7/20/2013
Slaves in the 40s? Well aren't we glad the south lost
| YoungSongtress chapter 1 . 7/18/2013
Hi I've read some of your work and I must say that you're a very talented writer. It would mean a lot to me if you read my stories
| Robert Shmigelsk chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
Lots of telling in this story, but precise sounds exciting.
[The surgery went well and Daniel was moved into recovery while Davy went to intensive care to be monitored closely. Jackie was finally allowed to see Daniel as he woke. She sat down on the chair by his bed and just waited.]
The only words I can visualize in the opening first paragraph is chair and bed. You really have to get into the POV of your protagonist. Rewrite this in the eyes of your protagonist, instead of this omniscient paragraph.
["I hate going to the North," she complained. "It's so expensive and the Yanks act like a bunch of uneducated morons."
Fred countered, ] complained and countered are is called saidism, which can be another form of telling. Insert some beats (one liners between dialogue where we get to see the characters) will really flesh out the story.
Hope these small comments help your writing.