|Reviews for Regret|
| Monty Mason chapter 1 . 1/8/2015
Now before I begin, I realize this poem is quite old seeing as how its 2015 already but I thought to give it a whirl. Now please keep in mind that I don’t often read poems nor review them so I could come off as a gibberish blurting mad man, we clear on that? Awesome, now let me get my surgical knife to pick this poem apart hehehehehe…
Introduction, too plain! The first sentence should really be an eye catcher in essence grabbing the interest of the reader. From the way this poem starts out, it just seems as though the reader is directly plunged into the thoughts of the writer without creating any mystery or intrigue. Nothing wrong with the sentence mind you as the following ones serve a complementary purpose to it, however another sentence before it (or slight rewording of the first line) may better serve you here and the reader as well.
“If only to suffer so seriously”, okay in this sentence the word seriously seems misplaced in a poetry. If you read it out loud to yourself even with a certain tone to it, it just sounds bland in this sentence. Perhaps using “solemnly” may better fit here, “If only to suffer solemnly”.
Granted the reader is aware of what carmine means, it can help paint a very clear picture, good use of vocabulary.
Reading the third verse, it gives off more of a vibe related to serious deep depression than regret, are you sure this isn’t a poem about depression? lol. And I’m sure (hopefully :P) you know this that regret and depression are two separate things and nothing has been mentioned aside from a negative vibe throughout the poem to justify this turn in the poem. Again creating a mystery at the beginning that helps the reader imagine so many different possibilities can help with this.
Now in the fourth verse it sounds like regret. You can really tell there is that impact of regret taking place here especially when it’s said, “With which I failed to make my life a good one” and this is what we need more off to get that regret across, that’s a really good point you have there.
When you say, “Until misery and hate became my main emotions” this again is veering towards a more depressive tone rather than a regretful one. Mind you I’m aware regret can throw people into depression, but we’re never given any mystery to imagine this all happening out of hence it makes it a little hard to believe (though please keep in mind that this point will probably vary from people to people and how their thinking works).
Your closing…doesn’t leave much of an impact on the reader. To be honest as a reader I can’t clearly tell what point you were trying to get across with this piece, the reason being is because the poem itself feels a bit too generic in terms of what you would normally see on here. One of the things this poem lacks is also some form of attachment that a reader could’ve to the writer when reading it. It just seems to lack that emotional ride as it’s simply a downhill roller coaster ride of emotion. That up and down ride is what makes a read really interesting, especially for poems as they allow the readers mind juices to experience different feelings in one read. That roller coaster of up and down better resonates with readers in general than just a depressive piece. And yes I see this poem as a depression ride rather than one discussing regret, it just sounds more like its leaning towards depression.
Overall thoughts, I would say it’s worth a read at least once. Is it worth a read again? Not for a long time because like I mentioned before, it seems like a generic piece with one set direction it is taking. Now this is just based on my opinion, I’m sure readers who are very much into depression and regret poems will probably appreciate it more so than me and people who read poems more than in general lol. But still having it be one of your postings when you first started on fictionpress is rather good.
Hopefully this review helps you out a little.
PS: I know I said I would do it later tonight, but I thought to do it now and not leave you hanging.
- Monty Mason