|Reviews for The Wide Room|
| Naver chapter 2 . 7/21/2013
The young smiled making sure his distaste was conveyed in his speech as he continued to lead the girl through the empty hall. - young man?
Why had this gotten so scary all of a sudden? Why wouldn't the young man let go of her hand? - Put this in italics. I think it would look better.
"Macbeth, I didn't know you were such a bad girl." - PREDATOR! I mean wait, what? I love this guy! Favorite character right here.
The mans voice had strange echo behind. - man's instead of mans... maybe at the word it at the end.
It made it feel like the girls ears were bleeding from the high pitched sound. - girl's instead of girls
"Who dare bother the Kaiser's rest ? Zarzuela, Rabialthani kill the intruder!" - Ooh... it's Rabi al-Thani...by the way..
POP! Several bugs ripped out of her skin crawling all over her body. - Holy ****! Don't look at his face!
"So who was the client this time, Frazier?" - Hey before (over top) but a line or character to show a scene change.
"There were two today. I don't know 'bout Alec's but mine was a naughty teenage girl."- And his creepiness continues... I like it.
He felt like ignoring he, but that would get him no where. - Change he to her... unless he is ignoring another man... or a drag queen? What?
"First off, I'm not interested in kids. Secondly, the money amount is always confidential." - Haha. XD
As he began his response, the woman sat up in her sit with her arms crossed. - Change sit to seat.
She had to admit she was a little exited- What? you mean excited, correct. Change it.
He never got why she was so exited over this stuff. - Second time, is it autocorrect? excited not exited.
On reflex Frazier shot out his hand as well, and punched her. - He didn't! I love this guy! :D
"What are you trying to pull? You should know stuff like that will not work on me! Besides, as I said before, if you want to see it fork of the cash!" - Ooh, that's what you were saying. So yeah. Of to over. Yups.
Ah! I love this story! :)
Aren't they the cutest - I'm lying- couple. e.e
"Jackpot." - Aren't you a swell guy? ;)
This is damn gruesome. I love it.
I liked it.
-Thanks for sharing
-Continue to write.
| elie chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
Wow, this sounds like it's going to be really interesting. I'm hoping to read some really good horror stuff. Waiting to read more!
| Naver chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
The ending of this chapter made the story. I loved that. Your summary was intriguing too! -
Can't wait for more...
"What does the man say..."
I liked Alec's double personality. ;)
-continue to write.